Day 10... Morning of reflection me thinks!?
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sussex England
Posts: 78
Day 10... Morning of reflection me thinks!?
waking up to day 10 here, double figures yippie!!!!!!!!
My son went back to his mums yesterday, it wasn't my weekend to have him but I wanted to try and see how I coped sober... I will admit I was a little worried, as normally I would waste the time I had with him feeling guilty about leaving his mum etc ..
Normally I would run and hide every hour or so to pour another drink down my neck, to get to that non-existent place in my world where I thought I needed to be to be able to cope with all the feelings of guilt and have enough get up and go to face being a human nerf gun target for the next 2days and nights ( which always seemed so long on that first Saturday morning when your getting jumped on "breakfast daddy!")
My brain would be a hive of activity a voice telling me that I'm no good and can't be a father and life sucks. Why me? Why me? What have I done to deserve this blah blah blah
I have been thinking in a different way this weekend, I coped, WE had fun, he wet the bed - I didn't nearly throw up changing the sheets in the middle of the night, or when I made breakfast at silly o'clock, we walked to town and I didn't have a sweating panic attack while trying to by milk while being hassled for sweets, I wasn't afrade to get to close to shop keepers in case they smelt booze, I swear I felt like I was 10 feet tall walking down the road with my lovely son.
If that isn't enough to stay of booze I don't know what is?
My son went back to his mums yesterday, it wasn't my weekend to have him but I wanted to try and see how I coped sober... I will admit I was a little worried, as normally I would waste the time I had with him feeling guilty about leaving his mum etc ..
Normally I would run and hide every hour or so to pour another drink down my neck, to get to that non-existent place in my world where I thought I needed to be to be able to cope with all the feelings of guilt and have enough get up and go to face being a human nerf gun target for the next 2days and nights ( which always seemed so long on that first Saturday morning when your getting jumped on "breakfast daddy!")
My brain would be a hive of activity a voice telling me that I'm no good and can't be a father and life sucks. Why me? Why me? What have I done to deserve this blah blah blah
I have been thinking in a different way this weekend, I coped, WE had fun, he wet the bed - I didn't nearly throw up changing the sheets in the middle of the night, or when I made breakfast at silly o'clock, we walked to town and I didn't have a sweating panic attack while trying to by milk while being hassled for sweets, I wasn't afrade to get to close to shop keepers in case they smelt booze, I swear I felt like I was 10 feet tall walking down the road with my lovely son.
If that isn't enough to stay of booze I don't know what is?
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HK
Posts: 331
Awesome stuff! Well done!
With our addictions they do entirely become about maintaining what we think is some sort of homeostasis - i.e. Without our drug of choice we will fail to function properly.
What those of us with addictive personalities dont realise until it is too late is that what we once enjoyed (those few drinks down at the pub with your mates) eventually loses all of its joy once we start doing them everyday, and then we lose joy in other areas of our lives as the addiction takes hold and it is all we think about.
It's awesome that your son brings you so much pride. If your AV ever tells you to drink try and think of him, and how great you felt walking down the street with him totally sober - Drinking cannot bring you that kind of high.
With our addictions they do entirely become about maintaining what we think is some sort of homeostasis - i.e. Without our drug of choice we will fail to function properly.
What those of us with addictive personalities dont realise until it is too late is that what we once enjoyed (those few drinks down at the pub with your mates) eventually loses all of its joy once we start doing them everyday, and then we lose joy in other areas of our lives as the addiction takes hold and it is all we think about.
It's awesome that your son brings you so much pride. If your AV ever tells you to drink try and think of him, and how great you felt walking down the street with him totally sober - Drinking cannot bring you that kind of high.
Last edited by Lostinhk; 09-07-2014 at 01:11 AM. Reason: Grammar.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sussex England
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by Lostinhk 
It's awesome that your son brings you so much pride. If your AV ever tells you to drink try and think of him, and how great you felt walking down the street with him totally sober - Drinking cannot bring you that kind of high.
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