gratitude28

I'm done... I've been limping along through this year trying to justify coming back to the drinking world. I had ten years of lovely sobriety, but decided I wanted to try to make alcohol somehow fit into my life again.
I've had a hard year - lost my dad and I am very broken up about that. We lost some other loved ones too, and my dog. And we are on the verge of making a complete life change. But none of these reasons should affect my sobriety. I am using them as reasons to feed the monster.
My favorite phrase from the beginning of sobriety for me has always been - there is nothing so bad that drinking won't make it worse.
One hard thing for me is that my husband drinks. He is away this week, but I will need to ask him to help me get through this period. I think he also would love to have me be able to drink in moderation, but I know this just cannot be for me.
So I plan to hang out here daily. I think I need to make myself go to some meetings here. And I want my life back. I want my focus to be on having a successful and happy day each day - not on wondering when I will feel better and if I will start the cycle over...
xo Grat

Julie59

Nope drinking never makes anything better does it Grat28.... and yet we keep telling ourselves before we have that first one that it will !!

Resolv

Gratitude 28. I'm sorry, but I'm not clear if you drank again or not. If so, jump right back on the wagon again. Mitigate the damage. It sounds as if you understand you're relationship with alcohol and alcohol's relationship with you and your life challenges. Use this knowledge and experience to re-focus on recovery. God speed.

gratitude28

I was sober ten years. Then in Dec of this year, I dabbled. Basically, I have been dabbling and trying to make alcohol work for me for the past 9 months, with some months of sobriety. But, as it always does, it's just getting worse and I am sick of making "rules" that don't work and watching my life become unmanageable once again.
So, yes, climbing back on the wagon.
Grat

Mags1

Hiya gratitude, 10 years sober, I can only dream of that and I do have hankering so that I could probably control it if I started again. Yeah.

Something worked for you in those ten years, dig deep, did you write anything down of what you were experiencing way back then?

Welcome aboard the sober train,hang on the journey has it's ups and downs x

gratitude28

Mags, the first year was harder than all the other years - after that it was just my life. I want to be back there. The first year I still had shame about not drinking. Now I love that life. But you spend all those years looking at other people and trying to figure out why it's ok for them, but not for you.But then you have to ask why some people get sick with a disease and you didn't. It's life. I try to keep that in mind when I get bothered.
Grat

Mags1

Very true, Grat, I've had a hell in earth roller coaster ride with some euphoric days/weeks thrown in too this last year.

I went through it's not fair but I've stopped that now, I see a lot of people live their lives round drink by what they say, I recognise the hungover guy who comes into work suffering.

All in all, though, it's just a liquid that's thrown in our lives everywhere we turn which we have to keep dodging for so long then all of a sudden it doesn't hit us anymore. We're waterproof, metaphorically speaking, but we have to keep a check on the integrity of the waterproofing all through life, a bit like our roofs on our houses, I guess.

Soberwolf

Good luck in everything you do

PurpleKnight

You can do this!! Go at things again, you'll get there!!

gratitude28

Thanks everyone. I am glad to be here. It seems like a positive and safe group! I know there will be challenges this first bit, but I really need my life back! And for anyone who is really new - life is SO GOOD in sobriety!
Hugs all.
Grat

Hevyn

Excellent post Grat. You proved once again what you already learned - now your sobriety will be even more solid. Glad to have you part of the family - we're with you.