sickofthiscrap

Thinking about my alcoholism, I feel a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am an impatient person. Impatient, intolerant, judgemental... of myself and others.

I always want the quick fix, instant gratification. If I'm feeling bad I want to feel better immediately. Limited ability to sit through my many uncomfortable feelings.

Can anyone relate? How to cultivate patience?

gratitude28

Yes, I definitely think you are right.
You know, I was sober 10 wonderful years and I am back at ground zero now.
Like your name, I am tried of everything in my life being about alcohol now. Will I drink today? If I do, will I feel ok in the morning? Can I limit myself? Can I still get in my workouts? And on and on and on. Impatience is not having your head and ass in the same spot at the same time, I heard an AA speaker say. Are you focusing on what you are doing or on other things to come or that have passed?
I want to be back in my days. I want my personal Hell to end.
So, sick, BE where you are. Enjoy what you are doing now. Don't focus on what is to come up because that might change.
Grat

sickofthiscrap

Thanks Gratitude.

I've always had a very overactive brain. Endlessly analysing everything. Living in my head all the time, not my body. So yes I am looking ahead and living in the past rather than being in the moment.

Can you explain that quote the AA person said - about head and ass in the same place at the same time? Not sure I quite understand.

jkitty

I learned in my professional treatment quite a bit about my "character defects". Impatience is just one of them! I am trying each day to be more conscience about my thoughts and then trying to stop myself and think about whether I am being negative or judgemental. Just a suggestion. I think I am improving slowly!

sickofthiscrap

I think it's okay to be negative and judgemental sometimes, when its warranted, but its also a slippery slope... I think I am addicted to judgement along with alcohol. Casting aspersions makes me feel better about myself I guess. Sad that.

Altoids

If I may step in, I believe the AA quote means that your head/mind need to be wherever your body is and focusing on that. So, if you are raking leaves, don't be thinking about what the boss said last week. Rake leaves, smell the air, be wherever you are and be grateful that you have a body strong enough to rake leaves, and thankful you have leaves to rake. Stay in the moment.

I, too, am/was an analyzer and racing mind. It came with my job and skills. It took a while before I learned to quiet my mind, but you can do it as well. When you find your mind racing and your are over analyzing things, stop, breathe, look at where you and what you are currently doing, and be thankful/grateful for it. Look for joy. It helped me. I hope it helps you.

gratitude28

Yes - Altoids! Thanks for clarifying! I have gone back to over thinking and over analyzing and my thoughts are even more negative now. When I am living by being where I am (like raking the leaves and enjoying it), I am generally happy. I deal with issues as they come and don't dream up situations.
Grat

Soberwolf

Patience is patience I enforced it in the beginning it takes time I've by no means perfected it

Hang in there it won't always be like it is

Jupiters

I'm the same way. I call it my "thought faucet"...it never turned off. It was constantly running full blast. About past things I cannot change, or projecting into the future about things I have absolutely NO control over.
Soberwolf is right - patience is patience. There is no easy way to just BE and learn it. It's just an everyday thing I work on now. When I find my thoughts starting to wander down avenues I can't control, I say to myself "STOP, BE PRESENT"...and it goes like that. Some days I am saying that 80x a minute, some days not. Kinda like re wiring your brain.
Being patient means being present in the moment. It takes practice

MIRecovery

What has helped me is, "A day at a time." It keeps me in the "Now" What can I do at this very moment to make me or the lives of others a little better. What do I have today that I am greatful for, what am I going to do today to strengthen my sobriety, I listen to my higher power and try to live in accordance with his will.If we have one foot in the past and one in the future we will p1ss all over today.

sprout50

I can relate to this. My mind is always in overdrive. I am learning to let things go-not to constantly think of things I cannot change and to let the future be what it will be. I have always been the one who fixes things whether that be at home or work etc...I have given up that role now, the role I thought I needed to fill (yes, I am a control freak) and find that it has quieted the mind in overdrive.

Judgemental, yup, me too. Until I took a good honest look at myself. And patience....well,still working on that one.

KAD

Wow, can I relate to this?! I could have written it myself. It's something I am grappling with now that I am coming up on 3 months sober.

Addiction is all about instant gratification, too, and the longer we are lost in it, the more that expectation is reinforced. It takes time to learn how to live sober.

Mangoes

For myself, the best thing for slowing down was actually forcing myself to slow down. I took up yoga at a time I was otherwise filling up on running, spin biking, running around like an idiot doing errands.

At first, those hour classes killed me, but as time went on, I learned to shut everything out, even my "thought train"and focus on nothing but my breathing and awareness of my body. It became life changing.

Am I perfect at it? Heck no, ask me to sit still on an edgy day and you might as well be capturing the wind. But it helps. It took practice, and perseverance, but I was able to put my normal impatience into learning and I'm glad I did.

Altoids

THIS!!! But I would like to add that if you start thinking of ways to be grateful for where you are right now it will happen faster. It can be as simple as "I'm grateful for my lungs that can breathe in fresh air" "I'm grateful for my home or car or wherever you are" "I'm grateful that I have or that I am __________" Focus on the good things and look for joy right where you are. "I'm grateful my feet don't hurt"

And THIS!!!

Tons of wonderful wonderful advice on this thread. That's one of the things I love about SR. . . ask, and you will find. Somebody has been there before and has a willing hand to help. So cool!

PurpleKnight

Yeap, the quick fix to deal with life I found in a bottle for many years!!

When I got Sober, I had to then learn how to deal with life as it comes up, things may take days or weeks to deal with, a more patient approach, rather than in a few hours with a bottle!!

It was like relearning life, but it can be done!!

Anna

Yes, for sure. Patience was one of the first and hardest lessons I had to learn in early recovery. When I made up my mind to not drink, I expected my family to be fully onboard. They were understandably less than enthused, and I had to be patient and wait for my actions to match my words. Very difficult.

Lucie29

I am dealing with the same issues now. I am 2 months sober today, and although many things have improved and I feel optimistic most days, some days, like today, I get frustrated that results are not happening sooner. I've always been a dreamer living in my head too much. I've felt lately I am missing the past, regretting choices I've made, even though at the time I was miserable, and drinking heavily. When I try to make myself be positive, I dream about the future and all the sobriety can offer. Days go by and I don't feel that instant gratification and I get depressed. It's a vicious cycle. I do not want to drink, as I know for a fact it will make everything worse, but I need to learn to be happy in the present. I guess we are all figuring it out one day at a time.

Bailey3

This is what I needed to read today. Thanks to everyone who contributed to this thread.