mischa1

I kicked my AH out 2 weeks ago. He still has all his stuff - clothes shoes his cat most everything here. Why doesn't he want to get his stuff? I know he needs the clothes. What's up with that?

I also have not heard. From him at all since I went no contact. It is difficult for his I guess bc I turned his phone off. It's just weird to me. I know I would want my clothes and especially my cat. Is this his way back in?

Please don't think I want to hear from him. I'm actually enjoying the calm. I'm sure it will end but I'm hopeful he just goes away leaving me to clean up the mess. I fully expect his to stalk me when he calms down from being completely cut off. He says I'm throwing him away like trash. And I guess I am. I'm getting off topic. Anybody else have their AH leave all his stuff? What ended up happening?

Mischa <3

ladyscribbler

This is a game. He wants an excuse to keep in contact without seeming like he "needs" you, even though he really wants his enabler to stay and take care of everything.
I'm not trying to give advice, BUT.
Leave his stuff out where he can pick it up (kind of thinking you already did this, but maybe confusing you with another poster) and let him deal with it.
This is the annulment is best situation, if I'm remembering.
As for the kitty, legally adopt it, if possible. That's the one sticking point I see here. He is not capable of taking care of animals, you are, and animals (in the absence of children) are the "hook" that might keep you tied in to someone who is utterly unsuited to carrying on a real relationship.

mysocalledlife

I agree, if you have his stuff it gives him an excuse to keep in contact with you.

mischa1

I've cut off his phone so I have no way of contacting him to tell him where it is. I can't just leave it outside bc I live in Hollywood ca and the homeless will have in all within an hour. I tried to talk to his sister to give it to her but she told me I was on a power trip so I blocked her and his mother. The great enablers. I don't know what to do with it.

suki44883

How much stuff does he have? If it's not a lot, I'd rent a small storage locker and move it all there, then send the location and key to his sister. That way, the stuff will be out of your house and he can have access to it whenever he wants.

I'd keep the cat.

ashamed2day

Mischa- I know it is frustrating however it is true he wants some excuse to contact you down the road.

I feel safe to say he isn't even worried about his stuff. They find a way to get what they want.

Keep in mind if he can't take care of himself emotionally he won't physically.

CodeJob

Well, that is one tough thing about going NC. Hard to remove the refuse of his life without some input on logistics.

Is it a lot of stuff? Could you afford a service to deliver it in one load to mom or sister? If they are enablers, you know they are good for getting it to him!

Do you want the cat?

biminiblue

It took ten months for my ex to get his stuff. He was living in his rented office space - only a toilet and sink. Ugh.

I finally told him it would be out on the curb the next morning if he wanted any of it. He was there - and then wanted his plant - that I had kept alive for ten months. Yeah. No. So ridiculous.

mischa1

I don't really want the cat. I think his mom will take the cat so I might unblock her long enough to make a plan to get her his stuff and cat. My son is helping me get the apt together this weekend and gather it all together. The cat is kind of mean just like her daddy. I agree that he doesn't need the cat and I will keep her if no one else wants her. He did not have her fix or taken to vet so that's another big expense that I can't afford.

I'm just trying to rid him from my space. Every time I see his stuff I want to vomit. The same feeling I get when I look at my bank account.

Thank for the comments. I too feel he's leaving it as way to get back into my life.

No regrets on the no contact though. If you are thinking about it yourself I highly suggest trying it. I actually smiled yesterday and plan on laughing today. These people will always be ready to come back if you change your mind. I'm saving myself before it's too late.

I love you guys!! You really are life savers for me. The only family I have here is my 19 yr old son. And I have no friends at all. I'm totally alone. Thank you all so much. You ARE helping save me and my son.

Tansy

Oh mine did the same. His stuff is still here and both his cats! He took the bare minimum to get by and thought he would return for the rest in his own sweet time. All his stuff is in the attic, the cats I feed In fact one is sat by me now. He has a deadline to return for stuff or I dump it. The cats I will keep if he doesn't come for them. Sorry you are so alone. It's hard. Maybe need to work on getting some friends in your life when you feel up to it xx

dandylion

mischa......can you spell I R R E S P O N S I B L E ?

dandylion (lol)

Missus

This is a *good * plan :-)