Kath76

Every days the same, count down to start drinking. Gotta get home as soon as possible to have that drink. I'm only going to have one I tell myself but I know it will be the whole bottle. Pass out then wake up four hours later and can't sleep. Tell myself tomorrow will be different. By midday I'm counting down to that drink, just to help me sleep I tell myself. Who am I kidding I've been on this roller coaster for 20 years. I've definitely lost myself.

.... Again I have woken up and can't sleep I know I'll sit awake till early morning reading the very familiar stories here on SR. Today I need to take action. All alcohol has been dumped. Lucky hubby doesnt drink much so there's no influence there. I want to rid my self of guilt and self loathing. I have felt this miserable for so long I don't really know what else there is.

I don't want to say that hopefully I'll be back posting about my success because it feels like I'm giving myself a get out of it clause.

So today I'm starting (again) but determined. Very grateful for everyone sharing their stories it really lets me know I'm not alone.

Congrats to all achieving their sobriety goals you are amazing with you support here.

PurpleKnight

Great stuff Kath, go at things again and you'll get there!!

Have you been doing it on sheer will power up until now? as if that hasn't been working, a change of plan may be needed, more support maybe, checking into SR, meetings etc!!

You can do this!!

MariahGayle

Glad your here Kath & know that you are not alone in this! Each day that I don't drink the shame & guilt lessons....be kind to yourself

Anna

I'm glad you're ready to do this, Kath!

littlefish

We can look at ourselves as bad people and feel guilt and shame. But in recovery I found a new vocabulary that was more about understanding myself than beating myself up.
I didn't drink because I was selfish, closer to the truth, I became addicted and found it hard to stop.
I think it is very true that alcohol causes depression. It is a major depressant of the central nervous system and when you are depressed, self-loathing and guilt are part of the whole package.
It's fantastic that you want to quit! That is quit an accomplishment in itself, because so many never even reach that point. They stay in denial their whole life. You should feel good about yourself for avoiding the all too common trap of denial.

I would definitely recommend a program if you don't already have one. A program can help you see your condition as completely changeable, and give you some new words!

Soberwolf

You can do this

bellaboos

You can do this kath, don't make tomorrow the same. We are all here to help you

Hevyn

Hi Kath.

I was in that same trap at the end of my drinking career. It was just a habit at that point - I drank so I wouldn't shake. It hadn't been fun in ages, yet I still insisted I needed it. I'm glad you're ready to let go of it. You can get free and have a new life.