PinkiGreen

Here I am at day one. Again. Had a horrible day yesterday. Got drunk and hit my husband. Why can't I just not drink?? I wish I was normal. I feel like such a failure. Like there's no point in even trying anymore. Will my family ever forgive me? I'm so ashamed of myself.

Mrrryah1

Pinki - congrats on day one!! I'm not far ahead of you, I'm on day 10. But trust me - it feels much much better than day one did.

I hit my fiance when I was drinking too I was soooo ashamed of it. Something I would never do sober. Alcohol tends to turn us alcoholics into completely different people. Like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde!! Try not to be too hard on yourself for it. All you can do is strive to be better.

Have you tried AA or anything?

Findingtheway

I was exactly where you are 9 days ago. I fell HARD...And felt like everything you posted...My family, employer, girlfriend, self-respect...Thought they all would never forgive me.

I made a beginning..I made the choice to try again. 9 days later the clouds have cleared a bit. I haven't forgotten my actions but i'm not ruled by them...And it was not an excuse to keep drinking.

I'm 9 days sober and i'm looking FORWARD to hitting double digits tomorrow.

You don't need to feel SHAME over your actions. Use the experience to make a beginning to a better life. I found the difference between GUILT and SHAME to be key. I feel guilt for letting people down..I feel guilt for drinking.

But SHAME? No...That leads me back to drinking again..And then I know where that leads.

I'm not going back there. EVER.

I wish you a safe and sober day. Make a beginning. Don't drink today.

PinkiGreen

No I've never tried AA. The only thing I've ever tried is willpower and apparently I have very little of that.

I feel like I've ruined everyone's life. My poor kids. I'm shocked my husband hasn't left me.

Congrats on day 10! The longest I've been sober in many years is about 2 months. I wish I was back at that place.

Alynn

You can be back in that place! It's a new day! We all had those dark times but were leaving them behind together. Only on day 5 here. Taking it one day at a time and staying with SR!

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

Mrrryah1

Pinki - there are many ways that people have used to stay sober, etc.... but for me - AA has been the answer. Without meetings & AA friends to hold me accountable, a sponsor to help me through tough times, there's no way I would be able to muster enough willpower - not even for 2 months

It's helped me immensely and it's the only thing I've found that works. Keeping an open mind & checking out a meeting might not hurt! I only have my own experience, and that's what has really helped me.

If you have any questions at all feel free to message me.

Good luck to you

Soberwolf

Hello nice to meet you just keep on hanging on if you fail ddon't beat yourself up I was the same I'm coming up for 14 in 9 days it is always possible


My hand is out for anyone trying to change their situation and that's what I read in your post

You can do this forget the rest time for SR to be there with you

Glad your here for what its worth

Also there is an online mtn tonight in chat at 9pm est

For me its 2 am but I love helping newcomers and myself lol

mastertek

Don't worry I'm just passed the same level back at my 3rd day for about the god no how many times i've been here but now just tryed meditation for the first time I'm feeling better than I was 3 days ago and have already started repairing the work that I have caused after my 3 week binge

PinkiGreen

Thanks everyone. Sitting here with a pounding headache and I just want to make my family forget all the awful things I've done.

I called and refilled my lexapro and Xanax. I guess I really do need them.

I have to stay sober. I think this is my last chance. My husband is ignoring my texts and it's going to take a lot of butt kissing this weekend to make things ok I think.

I just want to be better. I don't want to ruin my kids.

Findingtheway

One saying i really hooked onto from AA.

: Do the next right thing

Posting here on SR to talk about it was one right thing. What's your next move?

It's actually become a hour to hour thing with me...The next right thing could be as easy as getting a glass or water or posting on SR. Doesn't really matter...It's whatever keeps me away from drinking (Which is the next WRONG thing)

Wish you well. Please don't drink today!

MCAL880

We have all had our slips, I know I've done and said some terrible awful things to my husband while drunk that I will never be able to take back. But time heals, and though we may still remember those terrible times, they will sting less as they fade into the distant past and are not so present anymore. How old are your babies?

anattaboy

Sobriety is progressive. Each moment dedicated to it builds. Today is that day and you are doing well. Most caged animals will bite. Alcohol imprisons me if I drink it--I haven't bitten anyone since I quit.

PinkiGreen

I've got 13 and 6 year old boys and a 9 year old daughter. My daughter hates it when I drink. I told her this morning id quit again and she just rolled her eyes.

I feel like such a horrible mother.

MCAL880

You're not a horrible mom PinkiGreen, you've still got time to turn things around and become the mother you want to be. My kids are younger (almost 3 and almost 1) and they have been my main catalyst for wanting to clean up my act. Are you taking any additional steps to maintaining your sobriety besides coming on here? I've yet to attend a meeting but I know they can be beneficial to many people.

Hobbers

Well, use this as a chance to be a good mom, by REALLY not drinking. just don't drink today. Then, tomorrow, come here again, and we'll tell you the same thing. "don't drink today".


Rinse. Repeat. :-)

PinkiGreen

I've never tried a meeting. I'm not really comfortable around people sober lol.

My oldest stayed home "sick" today. I feel like he's babysitting me. I'm glad it's the weekend and everyone will be home. I think I'm gonna surrender my debit card to my hubby so I can't buy alcohol if I want to.

Also going to start back on my antidepressants. That's how I stayed sober so long before. Guess I need them.

Soberwolf

I went thru some things with my late mother she died with over 10 years of sobriety

I got upset but I never once gave up on her and when my mum was sober my life was amazing

I remember my mum taking me n my brother to see Jurassic park but tbh I was out with my mum was so excite and we went maccy D's after for happy meals that happy meal was one of the happiest meals I've ever had due to my mum just being there

Hobbers

Probably a good start. So would seeing your doctor, ASAP. BE HONEST with him/her.

Oh- and don't drink today.

PurpleKnight

Will power hasn't worked up until now, and the problem is sheer will power is usually not strong enough to beat the addictive side of our brain, so it's always going to create the same results, it might be time to change up your plan moving forward, more support like SR, meetings etc!!

I kept trying to control my drinking too, but we can't change our relationship with alcohol, the ins, the outs, the whys, all boil down to the same conclusion, we can't be something we're not!!

When I finally parted ways with alcohol and accepted that 1st drink would always lead to the same place, life got a whole lot more straightforward!!

You can do this!!

PinkiGreen

Made it through the day sober!

Time to cuddle up with our new kitten and sleep. I'm exhausted!