bland123

I am at that point where I don’t even know why I am still drinking. I hate alcohol, but like an abusive relationship, I return to it every day. Whereas I used to spend at least a few days a week sober, now it is a nightly compulsion for me to drink until I’m passed out. It’s seriously affecting my health, my happiness, and now my ability to do my job. It’s been a couple months since my first post, when I expressed my trepidation about the road ahead. Since then I’ve been kicking this can down the road – one day at a time, one bottle at a time. I guess I am very OCD about quitting drinking. I want the last drink to be the perfect drink, in the perfect circumstances, with the perfect buzz – one where I am not so drunk that I forget it but where the buzz is sufficient to satisfy me. And that’s the kicker – there is no last drink for me. I will never ever be satisfied with that perfect drink. There is no easy or convenient time where I finish off a bottle and the transition to sobriety just happens smoothly – so I might as well make that transition now.

In any event, I might like to go to a group to talk my way through this struggle. Are there any recommendations for atheist-friendly groups in Seattle – specifically the Capital Hill / First Hill area?

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Resolv

I found one in Seattle through meetup by doing a Google search. Not sure if its in your part of town or not. Good Luck.

Soberwolf

Hi bland nice to meet you

Nowsthetime

Hello: glad you are posting but In my opinion you are already setting yourself up for failure by the way you are speaking. You still haven't made the desicion. You have to be more agressive than just letting your AV take over "I want that perfect last drink"... You can do this!!!

FeelingGreat

hi Bland, you sound like you're still in love with drinking, and you need to balance that with focussing on the harm it's doing you. I tried motivating myself by reading about alcoholism, and how it develops. It's responsible for increased levels of cancer, injury, cognitive decline, organ damage, personality changes..I could go on for a lot longer. Imagine where you'll be in 5 years if you keep going at this rate.
BTW I was 55 when I became sober, and I loved drinking too, but for whatever reason I was determined not to drink myself into an early grave.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Bland

D

aborkie

This is the last time, I'll quit tomorrow, just one more drink..... we're always chasing it. We come down after a few drinks, so we have a few more then we're drunk but need a few more to keep that wonderful feeling going, but it's not that wonderful. The last few times I drank I wasn't having much fun.

Tomorrow will be day 100 for me. Good luck. Keep trying Bland.

bland123

I’m not going to lie – I think drinking will always have an allure for me. That's why it’s such a problem. In terms of health downsides, I have looked into all of those and that is certainly a major reason I am going to give this a go. But more important to me than longevity or physical health are the adverse impacts this stuff has on my brain and my emotions. It's not just that it will end my life, but it’s also making me miserable. It’s been some time since I regarded my alcohol consumption as amusing or charming. At this point, it is simply sheer dependency and it isn’t making me happy. It never really was making me happy. So, I have taken a lot of time lately to really analyze all the lies I tell myself (such as booze is fun and makes you happy) to justify an activity that I don’t want in my life. Moreover, I am terrified of reaching an advanced age in my life only to look back on decades of alcohol abuse. I appreciate all the comments – especially those warning that I may not be ready. That may very well be the case – but I have to at least try.