jadealexander

So my boyfriend checked himself into deto. I'm extremely happy but anxious. He called to tell me but I wish I was able to give him a hug. Even tho I'm hopeful soon I will be able to give him many. I'm nervous he will just do detox and not treatment again. This was all his idea and he said he really wanted to be clean. Does anyone know if people in detox at a hospital can make phone calls?

zoso77

It largely depends on the hospital. But I encourage you to consider giving him, and yourself, some space during this period. I know you want to call him, and I completely understand why you're nervous. But I also think he's got some decisions to make about how he wants to live his life, and he may be better served if he's left alone.

Take it easy. Focus on you.

jadealexander

Yeah :/ I definitely need to step back. I'm just being a little selfish and want to hear his voice and to know we will be okay. Even tho I know we can only be okay together if were okay apart.

zoso77

There are more important things at stake than your relationship.

If he really, really wants to be done with drugs, it's going to require a lot of self focus on his part. It's literally a life changing event if he commits to recovery.

And you have to figure out what it's like to sit with yourself, too. Without him.

Only when two people are whole on their own will any relationship truly work and be healthy.

I don't mean to come down on you, so please don't take my input as being overly critical, or even harsh. What I don't want to see happen is you coming back here in 6 months, or a year, and be back where you started.

Learn to let go and allow whatever is supposed to happen happen. For his sake, and for yours.

jadealexander

Yeah trying to live one day at a time. Just want to live one day at a time with him.

BlueChair

Your not being selfish Jade ! Why wouldn’t you be concerned about your boyfriend going through detox? It’s a big step, and what follows is also important. My husband detoxed in a hospital, he had some other medical issues going on at the same time so he was sedated during most of it, and they gave him medications to make it easier. I was able to be there with him for most of it, and why I picked my SR name ((BlueChair)). If your boyfriends in a special detox unit then I don’t know what access he would have to a phone plus he may feel crappy for part of it and not like talking. I think of drug detox and follow up like any other type of medical problem so I just acted the same way, showing love and concern and wanting the best care possible for him. The support of family and friends is important as long as its given with genuine heart. But take some time for yourself during all this too, spend some time with family or a girlfriend and relax. I think he must be in capable hands right now.

jadealexander

Thanks bluechair I know ur right. Just hope he knows to trust the professionals. And I'm afraid our relationship won't make it through all of this. I enabled him so much. Part of me worries that I was just manipulated. He was using the whole time. Maybe he never had true feelings and with him getting clean he will realize that. That's why I feel I'm being selfish bc I'm thinking more about me and the relationship than being proud and supportive of him making the step to get clean.

Needabreak

Jade, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself and your needs first. You always have to think about you and take care of you. It's only from this place that you can support others, including your bf if you choose to, in a healthy way.

Taking5

I detoxed in a hospital but I was pretty much non-functional for the first few days. After I came to, I was able to make phone calls. It is really no different from anyone else in a hospital - if you are well enough, you can make calls.

Txhelp

jade..take a deep breath.

You mentioned the word "enabler." Find out how to become a healthy person despite what your boyfriend decides to do. There is so much information out there plus support! Read the stickies above; ask questions; there are so very good books about codependency; Alanon/Naranon/etc support groups.

No matter what you need to prepare yourself. It's a great step!