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Lost my fight with control. Day1!

Old 09-04-2014, 11:27 AM
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Lost my fight with control. Day1!

I am here for support. I do have support at home but I would like to be in a place that the people who here understand a little better than those who haven't been in the same position. I was sober for about 5 months. I decided I was going to test myself with control. I couldn't stand not being able to have a beer with my friends and what not. So I had a couple beers one day. That went just fine. Beer was not an issue. That made me happy. However, liquor was a problem. I bought a pint of whiskey, I drank the entire pint in one night, blacking out. Just as I had before I was sober. I was upset with myself but I wanted to try again. I waited a few days bought a fifth of whiskey and drank 2/3 of it in one night again blacking out. Long story short.. I kept trying and failing. I started drinking more and more and more actually found myself waking up at 330am this morning (after blacking out) and finished the rest of my whiskey. I then went back to sleep and woke up in tears. I am putting an end to it now. I went through insomnia, anxiety, mood swings, hallucinating (prob. from no sleep) the last time but I got through it with help from my closest friends. Now maybe with the help of some good people here this time around
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:32 AM
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I found abstinence to be far easier than moderation.

It is more comfortable too.

Welcome. We understand!
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:35 AM
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Hello and welcome.
Those sound like some pretty serious affects alcohol is having on you.
With me controlled drinking never worked. Like you, I climbed the ladder until I was drinking more and more. It was a no win situation. My only choice was complete abstinence.
I don't know your drinking history but with me, it was progressive until I was drinking and losing control every day.
I hope you can stop before you reach the lows I did.
Keep reading and posting, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:36 AM
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You've come to the right place for support. Moderation never worked for me and now that I'm sober I realize just how EXHAUSTING it has been. I've tried every variation you can possibly think of. Yours is a common tale, many of us have tried and came to the same conclusion. It isn't fair, but we just can't be normal drinkers again. Once you decide to quit for good though, it's extremely freeing.

Welcome!
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:37 AM
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welcome!!!
you're in the right spot
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:39 AM
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You got to look at your life and realise alcohol is star of the show

Make a choice stop drinking reclaim your life

Carry on drinking and suffer even worse

If someone else was saying what you just posted would you think theres a chance they could be alcoholic ?

I say this to clarify things

Good luck and all the best spk soon
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:43 AM
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I've been down that exact same path myself recently.

relapse can truly be an eye opening experience, as I think no matter how much we try to "just have 1 or 2 socially" or moderate a alcoholic has no such choice. It all leads back to where we started - and inevitably worse.

I know the early morning pulls from the bottle all too well, and waking up from a blackout with the immediate feelings of desperation.

You said you are putting an end to this and I believe you, because I know exactly how you feel right now.

You made the right choice in coming here looking for support. SR is a lifesaver!

I'm glad you have support at home and from your closest friends! These are the kind of tools needed to get the job done!
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:43 AM
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Oh I am done now forever!!!! I know now drinking is something I simply cannot do anymore. In just the last two months I got back to a pint a day sometimes more.. I know I could probably do beer but liquor or wine --- bad news bears! Then, when I think about it, why even drink beer? Its empty calories and has too many carbs! LOL I've lost about 80lbs in the last year with cutting carbs and eating "clean" and feel great about that. I am back to my "high school weight" Beer isn't even worth drinking... even if I could control it.. SO.. Completely sober it is. I am just still terrified of side effects I may experience.. argh. It hasn't even been 12 hours since I drank last and I have already had to take a Xanax for anxiety. :-/
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:46 AM
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try to hang onto the thoughts of those sober 5 months to help pull you through the worst part of this. You've been sober. And sober for a good amount of time that you know how GOOD it feels - you just need to ride this out and power through it to get back to where you were. (seek med attention if you have to)....you CAN do this.
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:48 AM
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Life becomes all you ever wanted once you give up and move on, it doesn't happen overnight and until you feel it it seems like it won't happen , but it will at first by little twists and turns just like drinking wasn't a disaster straight away which is why we still want something of it.
Like many relationships they are good individually but combine and it's disaster.
Start cutting yourself a new life out of something new.
John.
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Old 09-04-2014, 12:03 PM
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Been there, got the box of t-shirts, tried to convince myself over and over again that I could moderate, this time would be different, and miserably failed each time!!

Since taking away that 1st drink, life has been on the up!!
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Old 09-04-2014, 12:05 PM
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Moderation is not possible for alcoholics, though most of us try very hard to make it work. I hope that you decide to stop drinking for good, and we are here for support.
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Old 09-04-2014, 12:13 PM
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I know once I go through the withdrawals again I will never want to go back. I just really really really thought I had it. Its soooo frustrating! The days are going to go by so slow. The good thing is I have a lot to keep me busy since I have been so lazy for the last week or so. I will get through today fine.. I just remember how awful the first month was before. I think that is what really has me knowing I will never drink again. I am terrified to go through it this time but I will get through it. Thank you all!!
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Old 09-04-2014, 12:14 PM
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I thought i could just have a couple of drinks, it doesnt work for me. I have to completely stop drinking. Ive relapased and im starting all over again. The withdrawal symptoms have been worse this time. In a way he may have done me good, I dont want to go through it again. You can get there one day at a time
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Old 09-04-2014, 12:57 PM
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Always in my head that 'I'll be able to drink again... someday'. Or, 'I can control it'.

I've only successfully(? I mean, I failed, so...) gotten sober once for any duration (4 months and change), and thought 'I've licked this!'.

Did fairly well... for about a month. Then, it got bad. The last 2-3 days were the worst bender I ever had.

Can't do it. Can't give in. Can't drink. Period.
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Old 09-04-2014, 01:14 PM
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Hi Violet. It's so good to meet you.

I know what you mean about needing to talk to people who understand. Our 'normies' can't possibly get what we go through, even though some of them really try. I felt so much better about quitting when I found SR. I wasn't alone anymore.

I tested myself that way a few times. It always led me back to out of control drinking and danger. It took me a long time to finally get it. Sounds like you are ready. We're glad you're here.
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Old 09-04-2014, 01:42 PM
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Boy, that waking up in the early morning hours, and resuming drinking has given me some world class hangovers back in the day. It was always around 3 or so for me too. Wake up, drink, back to sleep, wake up again in a few hours with a Head From Hell.

I have done the same thing in the past, after a couple of months without drinking, figure, "What the heck, I'll have a couple just too see." Yeah right. I don't know how I figured I would just have a couple when I was never satisfied with that amount before. I always drank to get a good buzz, then continue up to and including blacking out. Why I figured something had changed, and I would be good with "just a couple" I will never know..Of course now I realize I knew better, I was just rationalizing a reason to drink. Oh AV thou are a formidable enemy.
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Old 09-04-2014, 01:52 PM
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I would say trying to control a addiction with the substance that got you addicted isn't wise.
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Old 09-04-2014, 02:12 PM
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Originally Posted by TitansFreak View Post
I would say trying to control a addiction with the substance that got you addicted isn't wise.

SOME people say "its the only way to find out if you can control it is try to" I heard that from a few people. So I tried, and like a lot of people I am seeing failed.
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Old 09-04-2014, 02:23 PM
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I can't moderate AT ALL! I can wish all I want to but I now know that even with one sip a switch turns on in my brain and all will power magically flies out the window. SR is the only place I can turn to for people who understand that.
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