Trigger Happy GFS
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Trigger Happy GFS
This past long weekend I was out and about with two GFs.
One of them I had not seen for awhile and in no time she sadly disclosed her H was drinking like a fiend. Her stories made my stomach cramp. I managed to keep my mouth mostly shut as I could feel she needed an outlet and an audience more than a solution. There were several A-flavored dramas unfolding over the cell phone that made me cringe and withdraw into my shell. I could see she was not done. A part of her needs the drama.
The second GF was much more empathetic and gave this lady a nonstop shower of attention and ready audience. She has an A brother and excuses a lot of his absolutely unacceptable behavior with the disease model. So the A husband got a free pass bc he is sick in her view. A few times I piped up about choice, but eventually I just let GF2 shower GF1 with sympathy. This was not exactly what GF1 wanted, but she took all the attention she could get.
GF2 has a kid with a nut allergy. I was surprised to see she had epi pens with her on the trip since kid was not with her. Eventually she admitted she is so freaked out she has to have them with her just in case she has a nut reaction. She claimed you can start a tree nut reaction at any time... I just remained silent but really started to wonder if she has taken the nut allergy to the Nth degree due to anxiety...
Our second day together, I watched GF2 totally flip out and go Codie on her H over her cell phone. I tried to point out her H was in charge at home and she needed to let go. Boy was that the wrong thing to say. Of course when H got home he went after tree nut kid for not answering the phones to reassure mom he was not dead. As her H was driving home from work to do a visual check on kids, I said maybe kids are outside playing. She seriously went on for 5 minutes justifying how unsafe it was in our neighborhood. Now we live in a great area and I realized she must think I am a terrible parent and my opinion is not valued and she is probably amazed my kid is alive as I am probably a derelict parent in her book. Codie drama rolled full circle in her family with her soothing the riled up kid on the cell phone. She too needed to feel indispensable. I shut up.
So oddly enough them tripping out made me silent. I did not talk to DS or RAH hardly at all. I just let them handle life at home. I had little to say in all of the conversations as I realized I am in recovery, but I can't make people see how immersed they are in self-made drama.
I finally did trip out myself on day 5. I went off on a guest relations person but walked away and managed to let it go within 10 minutes. I think it was a combination of being too tired and being constantly keyed up over GFs manufactured dramas.
Glad to be home! I did have a wonderful trip!
One of them I had not seen for awhile and in no time she sadly disclosed her H was drinking like a fiend. Her stories made my stomach cramp. I managed to keep my mouth mostly shut as I could feel she needed an outlet and an audience more than a solution. There were several A-flavored dramas unfolding over the cell phone that made me cringe and withdraw into my shell. I could see she was not done. A part of her needs the drama.
The second GF was much more empathetic and gave this lady a nonstop shower of attention and ready audience. She has an A brother and excuses a lot of his absolutely unacceptable behavior with the disease model. So the A husband got a free pass bc he is sick in her view. A few times I piped up about choice, but eventually I just let GF2 shower GF1 with sympathy. This was not exactly what GF1 wanted, but she took all the attention she could get.
GF2 has a kid with a nut allergy. I was surprised to see she had epi pens with her on the trip since kid was not with her. Eventually she admitted she is so freaked out she has to have them with her just in case she has a nut reaction. She claimed you can start a tree nut reaction at any time... I just remained silent but really started to wonder if she has taken the nut allergy to the Nth degree due to anxiety...
Our second day together, I watched GF2 totally flip out and go Codie on her H over her cell phone. I tried to point out her H was in charge at home and she needed to let go. Boy was that the wrong thing to say. Of course when H got home he went after tree nut kid for not answering the phones to reassure mom he was not dead. As her H was driving home from work to do a visual check on kids, I said maybe kids are outside playing. She seriously went on for 5 minutes justifying how unsafe it was in our neighborhood. Now we live in a great area and I realized she must think I am a terrible parent and my opinion is not valued and she is probably amazed my kid is alive as I am probably a derelict parent in her book. Codie drama rolled full circle in her family with her soothing the riled up kid on the cell phone. She too needed to feel indispensable. I shut up.
So oddly enough them tripping out made me silent. I did not talk to DS or RAH hardly at all. I just let them handle life at home. I had little to say in all of the conversations as I realized I am in recovery, but I can't make people see how immersed they are in self-made drama.
I finally did trip out myself on day 5. I went off on a guest relations person but walked away and managed to let it go within 10 minutes. I think it was a combination of being too tired and being constantly keyed up over GFs manufactured dramas.
Glad to be home! I did have a wonderful trip!
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Congrats on NOT being the biggest worse one in the bunch!
At my Men's Alanon Meeting, we give weekly awards for who has the most drama going on. Pretty much who is the guy everyone looks at and says, "MY stuff may suck, but at least I am not HIM!"
Unfortunately I have been winning the award lately.
But good job you on NOT getting in their mess.
Glad you had fun and a good time.
Welcome Back.
At my Men's Alanon Meeting, we give weekly awards for who has the most drama going on. Pretty much who is the guy everyone looks at and says, "MY stuff may suck, but at least I am not HIM!"
Unfortunately I have been winning the award lately.
But good job you on NOT getting in their mess.
Glad you had fun and a good time.
Welcome Back.
When you know it you can't unknow it.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Posts: 6,516
Isn't it amazing how you see the Codies around you??? I think that's why Alanon worked so well for me - I couldn't see how crazy I was, but I sure could see how crazy everyone else was... And then I started hearing my words come out of other people's mouths... 
I'm glad you had a good time and was able to detach from home!!! I swear, situations like that, I wonder "WHY do these people even leave home if all they're gonna do is worry?" You know?
I'm glad you had a good time and was able to detach from home!!! I swear, situations like that, I wonder "WHY do these people even leave home if all they're gonna do is worry?" You know?
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