ManofIowa

Without going into great detail, I will just say that I had a very troubled past, including my childhood. My parents would have violent fights almost every night that were nothing short of crazy. When I was 16 and able to get away, my mind was conditioned to what I grew up with. I was very distant and numb. I had trouble expressing any type of emotion and could block out a lot of things that bothered most people and I worried about anything and everything at an extreme level. When I was 16, I discovered alcohol and sadly, I felt relaxed and peaceful for the first time in my life and I loved it. Of course what happened was that I ended up dependent on it and it has pretty much ruined my life now that I am in my 40's. I have been unable to quit time after time and have tried about every option out there a few times. There simply isn't anything out there that relieves stress like alcohol. When I do quite, I find my anxiety going crazy and the excessive anxiety leads to depression after a few weeks. I know that quitting is the solution, but sadly, I have not found any meds that work....except alcohol. My anxiety and depression just seem too strong for what doctors will prescribe and God is not ready to help yet I guess?

Dee74

welcome ManofIowa

I was once in an abusive relationship - doesn't mean I missed the person any less once it was over.

(Of course, with time, I could see the relationship for what is was clearly, and I was damn glad it was over.)

I think alcoholism is a lot like that.

I think you'll find your anxiety will increase for a little while after you quit.

I simply trusted those who told me it would get better - and it did. Lean on us for support in the meantime

as for stress, you'll get a whole lot of suggestions here.

I like exercise - it may take a little more effect than opening a bottle, but it really works, and with none of the attendant problems alcohol brings

D

Nuudawn

I too struggle with anxiety. And I am actually far more aware of how much I struggle with it now that I am sober. I don't think I ever truly knew the extent of it.

What has become glaringly obvious to me is I have to learn to deal with my anxiety...EFFECTIVELY.

I downloaded a guided meditation app on my phone. Although I am still struggling through the 10 day intro (I am on number 10..and it's been bout 3 weeks : ). I am getting something out of it...absolutely. Yes, I am struggling with adopting a regular daily discipline. That is indeed the goal.

Another thing I realized it spectacular for my anxiety? Talking to others who relate and understand it. That one's huge.

Walking? Also incredibly helpful.

My recovery is very much about dealing with my anxiety, awkwardness, confusion, unease and general discomfort with....life. I have to deal with that stuff...not drink it unconscious.

I have to learn how to do that. That's what sobriety is. I have to ACTIVELY pursue solutions and tools for those things. And I have to talk to people who understand that.

soberjuly

ManofIowa (I'm from MN right above you lol..."from" though, not anymore)...gosh I ramble past midnight...does she have anything of substance to say?

Ok, what I wanted to say is I dealt with anxiety with booze and I didn't realize, until maybe 2-3 weeks after I quit, that the alcohol was creating more anxiety. It heightened the anxiety, made me very insecure and I think a bit paranoid.

Life is so calm now. I trusted what I read here, not myself, I just trusted what people said here and it was true.

I read post after post like a total junkie. Yes, there is the initial "high" of alcohol which a cup of coffee doesn't equal but then it has this way of destroying your natural ability to deal with stress and anxiety.

I haven't been cured, I still have thoughts of "boy if I only had a drink right now..." and I say to myself, no, stop...because it's a illusion. It won't help, it never helped.

Mac1

Unfortunately there’s also nothing quite like alcohol to induce stress. Then on top of that, you’ve realised that you need to stop the one thing that was keeping you going– alcohol – and it becomes the biggest stress of all! No wonder it seems impossibly difficult.

I’m very much in agreement with Dee here. It's taken time for me to see clearly just how damaging alcohol was. And as that happens staying sober is getting much easier – I’m so relieved this morning that I don’t have to face the turmoil that I was living in. And neither do you

Soberwolf

Dee tells it like it is !

Nowsthetime

Hola: saying you miss it is your AV... Do you really miss all the negative things it brought? Alcohol causes more anxiety and until you deal with those issues your anxiety will never leave you. Use this site, you can vent about anything here and I always find it helps. You CAN do this!!!

SparkyMcSparky

I also struggled with anxiety and depression, had considered suicide, and as of 54 short days ago, was unsure if I'd quit drinking and keep my family together, or drink myself to death. Could have gone either way.

I also worked with a Dr. to try and get the depression and anxiety under control, and was on Pristiq then Effexor. Both made me a zombie, and the Effexor was horrible to get off of.

Funny enough though, when I quit drinking, after a couple of weeks, the anxiety and depression went away. Not only was this caused by the alcohol, it was exacerbated by the feelings of guilt and shame I had from drinking/hiding drinking/not being strong enough to quit drinking.

Sure, I still have my up and down days. But the ups and downs I feel now are manageable, and I remind myself of how bad I felt when drinking. What I feel now is "normal" compared to that.

Good luck, great finding us, and welcome here.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum ManofIowa!!