Moved 3000 miles to be put through Hell.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: OR
Posts: 5
Moved 3000 miles to be put through Hell.
Hello, my recent ex and the father of my 11 month old son is meth addict. He was a user back in 2010 and had been clean for about 2 years when I met him towards the end of 2012.
We were both living in Florida at the time. We worked together and he struck up a conversation with me while I was reading a book in the break room one day. And the book I was reading? "Go Ask Alice" How appropriate. Anyway, we go to texting and hanging out. And yes, as bad as it is, the first time we "got together" in that way, I got pregnant.We had been dating about 2 months when I found out. So we decided to do the whole "family thing".
He told me about his former addiction and that he still had pending charges in Oregon for possession of meth. He asked me if I wanted to move to Oregon because he wanted to take care of everything before the baby came and cost of living etc was cheaper. I really didn't want to because I had already been burned moving out of state with my ex. But I wanted to keep our "family" together and I didn't think the same thing could possibly happen to me twice (not drugs the first time).
He moved here to Oregon in June 2013 and I came in Aug. In September he did 8 days in jail for the meth charge and was put on 18 months probation. At the beginning of Oct we moved into our own apartment and our son was born a week later.
The first four months he did good. He worked and I was a stay at home mom. Unfortunately we had issues. I had some sort of Postpartum Depression and had trouble adjusting to life out here as it is so different from Florida and I missed my family terribly. Our real issues started though in February when we go a car. He slowly started to stay away more and more. I am sure he wasn't back into the drugs yet, but it made me angry and I argued with him a lot.
In March he go suspend from work for two weeks. If it not for the fact that his grandparents from Florida had moved out here and were staying with us we would have been in trouble.
One day he decided to go to the casino. He got on a lucky streak and that started a new addiction.Then he started taking draws from his work to use for gambling putting us into a hole. He was also getting wage garnishments from a traffic fine. One month he only made $250, for a whole month! Eventually he signed a banishment from the casino.
He took on two side jobs to try and make everything up. He was never home, but there was never any money coming in either. After he let this shady friend of his stay the night and we woke up to find our car missing and then ditched maybe 5 miles away with the steering column and dashboard torn apart, I knew something was up. Later his brother and sister in law (also his bosses) told us he was accused of selling meth to another employee who tried to commit suicide the night before.
I tried to get him to confess and at first he wouldn't. When he did, he said he did drugs but didn't sell them to that person. When I asked how long he said a few weeks. He said at first he did them to keep up with work then he started to feel really unappreciated and unloved. I broke down. I knew I had been mean and given him hell at times for little to no reason. I told him I was sorry and I would help him. He promised (stupid me) he would stop and it would be all about family and he would be around and there for us more. I said we should go to counseling and I would get help with my mental stuff too. I really thought it was going to be like a new beginning for us. (Again stupid me.) He was scheduled off for 4 days. Even though he was coming down and slept 90% of the time, those were some of the best days we had in a long time. When he did wake up he ate like a horse and watched a couple movies and played some games with me, loved our son.
The day he was to return to work he found out he was fired, due to the rumors, even though nothing ever come of them. He had this horrible attitude and in just a couple days I could see everything going back to how it was. We ended up having to move back in with his parents and we butted head constantly because he never spent time with us or had money. But of course he blamed me that I was so bitchy.
He lost his other jobs and went to unemployment. Yet he never had money and would sometimes stay away for days at a time. For weeks I've been finding hair clips that weren't mine in our car and he would completely flip out when I confronted him.
Two weeks ago my son went to stay at his great grandparents for a few days. I went too because they are older. We were gone from Monday to Thursday. When we came back, ex was not there and didn't show up until 6 pm Friday. We went to the store and I asked him what was up. He said he didn't want to be there because I was there. When we got back he left again and never came back until Monday where he basically told me "I've been living with friends. This has been over for a long time."
Now he brings his new girlfriend over to torture me when he picks up our son, once or twice a week for a few hours. I cry hysterically ever time I have to look at him and he just stares through me like glass.
I know I'm not perfect, but I have never done the type of things he has done. I've never lied or cheated or did things behind his back. I don't deserve this and neither does my son. My son deserves a good honorable man to look up to. Which is why I'm filing for sole custody and plan to take my son back to Florida.
We were both living in Florida at the time. We worked together and he struck up a conversation with me while I was reading a book in the break room one day. And the book I was reading? "Go Ask Alice" How appropriate. Anyway, we go to texting and hanging out. And yes, as bad as it is, the first time we "got together" in that way, I got pregnant.We had been dating about 2 months when I found out. So we decided to do the whole "family thing".
He told me about his former addiction and that he still had pending charges in Oregon for possession of meth. He asked me if I wanted to move to Oregon because he wanted to take care of everything before the baby came and cost of living etc was cheaper. I really didn't want to because I had already been burned moving out of state with my ex. But I wanted to keep our "family" together and I didn't think the same thing could possibly happen to me twice (not drugs the first time).
He moved here to Oregon in June 2013 and I came in Aug. In September he did 8 days in jail for the meth charge and was put on 18 months probation. At the beginning of Oct we moved into our own apartment and our son was born a week later.
The first four months he did good. He worked and I was a stay at home mom. Unfortunately we had issues. I had some sort of Postpartum Depression and had trouble adjusting to life out here as it is so different from Florida and I missed my family terribly. Our real issues started though in February when we go a car. He slowly started to stay away more and more. I am sure he wasn't back into the drugs yet, but it made me angry and I argued with him a lot.
In March he go suspend from work for two weeks. If it not for the fact that his grandparents from Florida had moved out here and were staying with us we would have been in trouble.
One day he decided to go to the casino. He got on a lucky streak and that started a new addiction.Then he started taking draws from his work to use for gambling putting us into a hole. He was also getting wage garnishments from a traffic fine. One month he only made $250, for a whole month! Eventually he signed a banishment from the casino.
He took on two side jobs to try and make everything up. He was never home, but there was never any money coming in either. After he let this shady friend of his stay the night and we woke up to find our car missing and then ditched maybe 5 miles away with the steering column and dashboard torn apart, I knew something was up. Later his brother and sister in law (also his bosses) told us he was accused of selling meth to another employee who tried to commit suicide the night before.
I tried to get him to confess and at first he wouldn't. When he did, he said he did drugs but didn't sell them to that person. When I asked how long he said a few weeks. He said at first he did them to keep up with work then he started to feel really unappreciated and unloved. I broke down. I knew I had been mean and given him hell at times for little to no reason. I told him I was sorry and I would help him. He promised (stupid me) he would stop and it would be all about family and he would be around and there for us more. I said we should go to counseling and I would get help with my mental stuff too. I really thought it was going to be like a new beginning for us. (Again stupid me.) He was scheduled off for 4 days. Even though he was coming down and slept 90% of the time, those were some of the best days we had in a long time. When he did wake up he ate like a horse and watched a couple movies and played some games with me, loved our son.
The day he was to return to work he found out he was fired, due to the rumors, even though nothing ever come of them. He had this horrible attitude and in just a couple days I could see everything going back to how it was. We ended up having to move back in with his parents and we butted head constantly because he never spent time with us or had money. But of course he blamed me that I was so bitchy.
He lost his other jobs and went to unemployment. Yet he never had money and would sometimes stay away for days at a time. For weeks I've been finding hair clips that weren't mine in our car and he would completely flip out when I confronted him.
Two weeks ago my son went to stay at his great grandparents for a few days. I went too because they are older. We were gone from Monday to Thursday. When we came back, ex was not there and didn't show up until 6 pm Friday. We went to the store and I asked him what was up. He said he didn't want to be there because I was there. When we got back he left again and never came back until Monday where he basically told me "I've been living with friends. This has been over for a long time."
Now he brings his new girlfriend over to torture me when he picks up our son, once or twice a week for a few hours. I cry hysterically ever time I have to look at him and he just stares through me like glass.
I know I'm not perfect, but I have never done the type of things he has done. I've never lied or cheated or did things behind his back. I don't deserve this and neither does my son. My son deserves a good honorable man to look up to. Which is why I'm filing for sole custody and plan to take my son back to Florida.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Mydnyght,
Welcome to our family. Feel safe here.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve a tiny grain of this misery, either does your son. This is a perfect example of how addiction can rip up a family, tear it apart and leave the innocent with guilt and blame, worry and pain.
Yes, RUN back to Florida, file sole custody of your son too. Your ex doesn't care, he cares about himself, and himself only.
Hugs to you, gentle caring hugs.
TF
Welcome to our family. Feel safe here.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve a tiny grain of this misery, either does your son. This is a perfect example of how addiction can rip up a family, tear it apart and leave the innocent with guilt and blame, worry and pain.
Yes, RUN back to Florida, file sole custody of your son too. Your ex doesn't care, he cares about himself, and himself only.
Hugs to you, gentle caring hugs.
TF
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Mydnyght,
What a lot you have been through, in a short time!
I am happy for you that you are free from this person. You didn't really know each other(love takes a while to grow), and it sounds like your son will be so much better off, as well without this person. A sperm donor isn't always father material. Get that baby away from such a poor example of a father, and give him a secure life where HE will be the proper focus of your time . You have no doubt been missing out on the joy and happiness that you can have.
I hope you will read about addicts, codependency and protect yourself from being attracted to the same sort again, which does happen often to us.
I wish you and your precious son the best. You can have a good life, and find someone who can be good to you and your baby. but you have to take care of YOU in order to do that.
big hugs,
chicory
P.S. Consider yourself lucky, dear.
What a lot you have been through, in a short time!
I am happy for you that you are free from this person. You didn't really know each other(love takes a while to grow), and it sounds like your son will be so much better off, as well without this person. A sperm donor isn't always father material. Get that baby away from such a poor example of a father, and give him a secure life where HE will be the proper focus of your time . You have no doubt been missing out on the joy and happiness that you can have.
I hope you will read about addicts, codependency and protect yourself from being attracted to the same sort again, which does happen often to us.
I wish you and your precious son the best. You can have a good life, and find someone who can be good to you and your baby. but you have to take care of YOU in order to do that.
big hugs,
chicory
P.S. Consider yourself lucky, dear.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: OR
Posts: 5
Thank you. I am still trying to file for sole custody. He is insane and thinking he can take the baby from me. He lost his first child at 18 when his ex "tricked" him into signing away his fathership rights. He got into the drugs to deal with the pain of not seeing her. Now he is punishing our son for something that is not even his fault. I don't think him wanting our son around is even about him It's more about me being a scapegoat for the mother of his first child. Family has a flight ready for me on October 15 to go home regardless.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i think distance will be a very good thing. i hope you aren't telling HIM Of your plans? i know probably not 100% ethical, but hey....he's the one that put his drug use ahead of everything else, he's the one that ran thru jobs and money and would disappear for days at a time. get you and the baby out and safe......best of luck!
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