I cant do this anymore

Old 09-03-2014, 03:54 PM
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I cant do this anymore

My son is in jail yet again for another dilute drug test in drug court. I cannot keep up with all of the running around we have to do. His dad took his car and I'm trying to work full time and am driving myself crazy trying to make sure he gets where he needs to be. He is going to be 18 in a week. He is still in high school but is no way going to graduate which will depress him even further. I don't understand why he is so sad and down all of the time. He moves super slow and is just plain lazy. It makes me nuts. He says he is tired all day and feels like a zombie and wakes up at night. I am thinking he has a mental problem but trying to get that checked out is a JOKE. Meds meds and more meds that make things worse. I can't even focus anymore. All I think about is bad thoughts I just see this all getting so much worse. I have such a sick feeling in my gut that my son won't make it to 21. Any advice?
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Old 09-03-2014, 03:58 PM
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So sorry. It sounds like a nightmare. I have no experience; just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for your situation.
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:12 PM
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I'm so sorry you are going throught this. It's awful when we feel so helpless when it's our children.

Are you seeking any help for you with nar-anon or al-anon, counseling anything for just you?

Tuff love is how I am handling life with my son and his drinking issues. Your son has two feet and is capable of walking to where he needs to go or ride a bike.

Letting them suffer the consequences of their own actions instead of cushioning their fall really is help even if it doesn't feel like it.

Have you approached a doctor who specializes in addiction for a proper diagnosis? A doctor who understands the script approach isn't necessarly the right path?
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:22 PM
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Thank you. Not sure where to find a doctor than specializes in that in my area. Will try Google I guess. I am going to Naranon meetings and taking yoga. And praying. Such a sick feeling as a parent.
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:48 PM
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He is still in high school but is no way going to graduate which will depress him even further.
So he expected to graduate high school even though he put xanax and opiates before his school work? It's hard to do well in school when you're bouncing in and out of the clink.

Personally, I think the best place for him, and for you, is jail. He may only be just south of 18, but he needs to learn that for every bad decision he makes, there are consequences for that. And I'm of the opinion you can't save him from himself.
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Old 09-03-2014, 07:07 PM
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Originally Posted by zoso77 View Post
So he expected to graduate high school even though he put xanax and opiates before his school work? It's hard to do well in school when you're bouncing in and out of the clink. Personally, I think the best place for him, and for you, is jail. He may only be just south of 18, but he needs to learn that for every bad decision he makes, there are consequences for that. And I'm of the opinion you can't save him from himself.
That's my biggest anxiety. I feel like he is his worst enemy. I think he needs a full mental eval. He is self medicating for ADD anxiety and depression. People OD all of the time from that.
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Old 09-03-2014, 08:15 PM
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Dear njw,
I'm so sorry you are going thru this never ending crap. That pain, that fear, it's almost too much for one momma to handle. I know, I have two children that caused that fear and pain in me for a long time...until, nearing craziness, I stopped being addicted to their addictions and the endless drama, legal, personal and emotional issues that goes along with it.
I detached myself from my addicted girls.. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. They were 19 and 21, Enough, and it hurt. But, once I did that, I started taking care of myself. I went to meetings for support and found so many other parents having the similar exhaustion and the same nightmare i was in. Then...
I turned off cellphones, took cars away, stopped paying their rent, I stopped entertaining and supporting their addiction.
They were hungry, had to walk everywhere and Buy their own drugs....Ok a consequence.
Then one day, one AD ASKED for help getting off the heroin. She went into the hospital then an IOP program. The other AD followed about 6 months later and is on Subutex. That fear still lives within me, but the volume is turned way down. I guess it never totally goes away. But my smile returned.
Njw, you're not alone in this heartache. Mommas tend to want to fix their children, but this disease can't be fixed by you, no matter how hard you try. Only your child can fix and control their addiction and only when they are ready.
Right now, you know where he is, in jail. So now breath...he is in a safe place. Try to give up this "what iffing" and let it go. He will know when he has had enough.
Keep that joy and hope close to your heart, never give it up.
Take care
TF
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Old 09-03-2014, 08:58 PM
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Thank you SO MUCH. Your words brought tears to my eyes. He is suppose to start Vivatrol next week. I have heard about Suboxne? What are your thoughts? How are your daughters doing?
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:18 PM
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Tough love is what my ex's parents need to show. He's 24 and has been using his dad's cell phone for a month. The title to his car and insurance is in his mom's name. They keep saying they are going take the phone and car, but never do. The other night he ran out of gas and it was mommy and daddy to the rescue. Then my ex cussed out his mom because she told him not to bring his new girlfriend (also a meth user) to their house because they don't like her and I'm living here right now and it makes me upset.
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:28 PM
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People ! Listen up!!! Anyone who would allow a car to be titled in their name and allow their drug addled children to drive needs a labotomy! First ...... What about all the innocents on the road and second - if they get on an accident in your titled car YOU are on the hook! We know people who LOST everything - homes investments business - everything when their kid got in an accident in their titled car. Sorry for being aggressive but this is NOT right, safe or fair to anyone else on the road!
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:34 PM
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Exactly right Amysad. And in the case of my ex, he is driving on suspended license!!! The cops in this town are lazy and don't do crap, but I reported him to his probation officer.
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by njw1968 View Post
He is suppose to start Vivatrol next week. I have heard about Suboxne? What are your thoughts?
Just wanted to comment on the vivitrol as my husband used it for a few months. He had very good results with it. (He used the monthly injection). I believe it is suggested the use of this drug be accompanied with therapy.. at least that's what we were told & what my husband did (rehab and continued therapy- now has almost 2.5 years). Based on everything you shared about the ADD and depression I would say a full mental evaluation is in order, and therapy for some of these issues would also be beneficial. Unfortunately a lot of people try to self medicate because the mental health issues are not diagnosed/under control then a whole new problem is created. Your son is still young so now is the best time for treatment. Best of luck.
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Old 09-04-2014, 04:14 AM
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Dear njw,
Yes...the dual-diagnosis. My younger RAD has several...depression, eating disorders, ADD, suicide attempts and a few more that popped up from under the drug haze. In fact, I think she may have turned to illegal drugs in the first place to self medicate herself BC she was in so much pain.
When your son is ready and willing to accept sobriety, the medical staff will evaluate him for other conditions too. I'm not real big on giving a legal drug to control a disease caused by an illegal drug...but in my children's case it worked, so far. And when my youngest daughter was diagnosed with all these other mental illnesses, she was given meds that are very difficult to abuse. Now about Suboxone...
The Suboxone took away those physical cravings and she said it made her feel normal again. She has weekly psychology appts and monthly Dr appts and is drug tested at each appt. this is at an outpatient counseling center. (Behavioral Health) look in the phone book and call them.
There is so much more...PAWS, triggers, relapse...please read the stickies above.
As allforcnm has said, your child is still young. His habit, his disease may be new to him and he might not even recognize the long term harm he is doing to himself, or how to get away from it.
When he gets out of jail...or maybe the judge may order it, an inpatient evaluation. Has he ever been to inpatient care?
Well, whatever happens, it happens to him...we feel the fallout. Take care of that craziness you feel, take care of you first.
And as you take care of YOU, do it one second at a time.
TF
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Old 09-08-2014, 08:40 PM
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Yes he has been to inpatient care for three months. He starts the Vivatrol shot on Wednesday. He was also started on Wellbutrin Prozac and hydroxizene. He told me he feels better. I can TOTALLY tell a difference in him. I hope it's not the vivatrol making him feel better since I know it's expensive and not long term. I don't know much about it other than it helping to stop the opiate cravings. I'm praying it's the other meds. He texted me Saturday night saying he didn't know if it was the meds or being sober but he felt great. Brought tears to my eyes. Best words I've heard in over a year. He will be 18 on Thursday. Praying he looks at it as a new beginning. Thanks again.
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Old 09-08-2014, 11:39 PM
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I think it's best to just take in him feeling good rather than which med is working. Right now this is what works and it's def a blessing. Whenever the time comes for him to get off the vivatrol he will be weened off and the doctor will only let that happen if he or she believes it's the best idea. While he's on it he should be focusing on recovery and building a better mindset and working the program and hanging with new clean/sober crowd which will help a lot. I'm very happy that these meds are working for him, just be mindful and in the moment day by day!
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:38 AM
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Glad that he is feeling better! If you think that he needs mental evaluating, please encourage him to do so. some people with mental issues do not see it, and may not make the decision to get help for it. Please do this if you feel he needs it, as he is still young enough that his life has not been ruined by his bad choices.

its tough, but hang in there and I sure hope the meds help. therapy would probably be wonderful for him. and for you too. it takes a lot of support to help someone with mental issues.

hugs,
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Old 09-09-2014, 04:50 AM
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I have nothing to add to the wisdom above except my prayers and hugs and hope that your son finds a better path and stays on it.

Hugs
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