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You get to a point where you just don't care anymore....

Old 09-03-2014, 03:46 PM
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You get to a point where you just don't care anymore....

So I just don't know how to do this! I was sober for almost 6 years and decided to try some "controlled drinking" last October. BAD IDEA!

Fast forward to today....and I can't go 3 days without drinking. I have watched several of my friends and family members die of alcoholism & during my 6 years of sobriety I would always think to myself "why? You have so much to live for! Your such an awesome person! If you only knew how great it is to be sober!" They died drinking and now I "get it"!

I swear every time I drink I tell myself it will be the last time. But then I get the most horrific craving ever and cave!"

I feel like I am in a dark hole. I feel like I am in quick sand. I feel like I'm never gonna get out!

I hate alcohol and everything it is doing to me & my life yet I keep doing it.

Feeling extremely depressed and hopeless...... :-(

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Old 09-03-2014, 03:54 PM
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You most certainly CAN go more than three days without drinking.

What do you tell yourself to excuse your drinking these days?

You know what to do. One day at a time, just like the last time. Get medical help if you really struggle - go for help. Go to AA. There are other choices, and you know that.
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Old 09-03-2014, 03:58 PM
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You can do this, but what hasn't been working up until now, isn't going to work now!!

A new plan of support moving forward may be needed Serenidad, meetings? face to face groups? something to change up your lifestyle!!

It can be done, SR is in your corner!!
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Old 09-03-2014, 03:59 PM
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Hi Serenidad.

I couldn't go 3 days without drinking for many years. Then I did.
Don't lose hope - the tiniest change might be the ripple that turns into that great wave of change...

I'm a little out of the loop...what have you been trying for your recovery lately?

D
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
You most certainly CAN go more than three days without drinking. What do you tell yourself to excuse your drinking these days? You know what to do. One day at a time, just like the last time. Get medical help if you really struggle - go for help. Go to AA. There are other choices, and you know that.
I'm just so hopeless. Since I started drinking again I've gained 30 pounds, I lie, I sneak around, I'm paranoid, I HATE myself....it's all crashing down! My life sucks! But it shouldn't! :-(

I get these cravings and they come out of NO WHERE! I would go to ANY lengths to drink & I do! Is this how it is gonna end for me?

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Old 09-03-2014, 04:07 PM
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You're hopeless because you're drinking. That's the trick alcohol plays on you. "Oh, this will make me feel better." Fast forward a few months and I'm ready to die, wanting to die, sure I'm gong to die of this.

It's. A. Lie.

It's a lie, Serenidad. Make today the last day you let it kill you slowly. Please.


I have had three days in a row where I really want to drink. It has been very difficult. I've prayed, I've exercised, I've eaten ice cream. I've white knuckled. I hate it.

Your story is not at all helpful to me. I'm bowing out.
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:25 PM
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You're not hopeless at all, but your addiction loves it when you think you are.

Drinking takes a lot of energy - buying the booze, drinking the booze, trying not to be sick, trying not to be embarrassing, trying to find excuses why you can't meet your responsibilities....

You can use some of that energy to find help and support, and to really use that help....recovery groups, doctors, counsellors, inpatient or outpatient rehabs....

I hope you decide to do just that Serenidad

D
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
You're hopeless because you're drinking. That's the trick alcohol plays on you. "Oh, this will make me feel better." Fast forward a few months and I'm ready to die, wanting to die, sure I'm gong to die of this. It's. A. Lie. It's a lie, Serenidad. Make today the last day you let it kill you slowly. Please. I have had three days in a row where I really want to drink. It has been very difficult. I've prayed, I've exercised, I've eaten ice cream. I've white knuckled. I hate it. Your story is not at all helpful to me. I'm bowing out.
Sorry bimiblue...that's fine...bow out... Everyone else does....

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Old 09-03-2014, 04:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Serenidad View Post
I would go to ANY lengths to drink
What needs to change here is....if you decide to sober, you need to go to ANY lengths to stay sober.

What are you doing for sobriety? What are you doing to encourage..sobriety?Do you have a list of things to do when a craving hits?
Do you have that on the ready?

What have you done when a craving has hit? What have you done to not cave in to the addiction?

What efforts have you undertaken?
Have you called someone?
Have you posted here?
Have you gone for a walk?
Have you eaten some sort of treat?

What do you DO when the addiction crooks its fingers?
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Old 09-03-2014, 05:00 PM
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Serenidad, you know for sure that you can stay sober for more than 3 days because you did it for 6 years. You are not hopeless. There is always hope and you can do this.

Make a change today, a small change in what you've been doing to try to stop drinking, and you will see a difference.
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Old 09-03-2014, 05:05 PM
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6 years is amazing Serenidad. You most certainly have what it takes. I have heard though that trying to get it back after a lengthy sobriety and then relapse can be much harder the second time around. I know there are some people on here who have experienced this.
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Old 09-03-2014, 05:06 PM
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I was like you in that I had 13 years of being clean and sober before I started drinking again. I, too, thought I could control it and soon discovered that I couldn't. My second "round" of recovery has been significantly different than my first. Not sure why; I'm still figuring it out. But I do think it has something to do with the fact that I'm now different, I've changed. The cravings to drink did suck. But so did the withdrawal (that kindling effect is real). Perhaps you will need to enter treatment to help you medically and emotionally tackle the first few weeks of sobriety. My wish for you is that you take this step and that you can find peace and serenity in your life again; it is possible. So many of us here are examples of it.
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Old 09-03-2014, 05:08 PM
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What about Antabuse? A friend of mine has cravings in the evening. She takes Antabuse in the morning when she's feeling strong, and then she CAN'T drink in the evenings. The fact that she can't, that she's basically taken the choice away from herself, helps with the cravings too.
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Old 09-03-2014, 05:17 PM
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Jen, hang in there. You did it once, you can do it again. The depression and self loathing are just symptoms of the alcohol. Were here for you. Just like you were there for me when i needed it.

3 days dry is a good foundation to build on. Heck, there was many times i couldnt go 3 hours.

You can do it, i believe in you.
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Old 09-03-2014, 05:50 PM
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I had to quit drinking once I discovered I'd morphed into a soulless person who didn't care about anything anymore. I barely recognized myself. It took months to find myself again. I'm still learning who I am really am. Don't delay the process, Serenidad... you don't want to lose any more time do you? Once I sobered up I regretted not doing it sooner.
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Old 09-03-2014, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberJennie View Post
Once I sobered up I regretted not doing it sooner.
Oh yeah. A thousand times yeah.
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Old 09-03-2014, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Serenidad View Post
So I just don't know how to do this! I was sober for almost 6 years and decided to try some "controlled drinking" last October. BAD IDEA!

Fast forward to today....and I can't go 3 days without drinking. I have watched several of my friends and family members die of alcoholism & during my 6 years of sobriety I would always think to myself "why? You have so much to live for! Your such an awesome person! If you only knew how great it is to be sober!" They died drinking and now I "get it"!

I swear every time I drink I tell myself it will be the last time. But then I get the most horrific craving ever and cave!"

I feel like I am in a dark hole. I feel like I am in quick sand. I feel like I'm never gonna get out!

I hate alcohol and everything it is doing to me & my life yet I keep doing it.

Feeling extremely depressed and hopeless...... :-(

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Your under a spell...think about the fairy tales you learned as a kid. Snow White comes to mind. Well alcohol is that spell and you can't see it now. It takes a little time to gain the clarity.

In the very beginning it's about survival and willpower. I believe this changes over different periods but initially you have to take action.

I doubt you have exhausted all options. What about AA and getti a sponsor? You may not want too but therein lies the willingness. This is life and death ****...I did many things I did not want to but it saved my ass. I needed to augment SR with real life programs and create lots of accountability and change everything in my life.
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Old 09-03-2014, 06:49 PM
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Serinidad two words.... You can!
You ARE in control. You are choosing whether you drink or not. The drink does not pour it's self down your throat.

If you want to quit... Quit! Don't buy it. Don't touch a bottle. Treat it like the poison it truly is.

If you want to stop...STOP.

The mental stress of quitting is brutal. The physical act is simple. Just don't touch it!
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Old 09-03-2014, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Serenidad. I couldn't go 3 days without drinking for many years. Then I did. Don't lose hope - the tiniest change might be the ripple that turns into that great wave of change... I'm a little out of the loop...what have you been trying for your recovery lately? D
Dee...I've been doing SR & RR (Rational Recovery). Not working for me. Think I need face to face contact with other alcoholics. That's how I made it almost 6 years the first time. My pride & ego have been keeping me from going back.

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Old 09-03-2014, 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberJennie View Post
I had to quit drinking once I discovered I'd morphed into a soulless person who didn't care about anything anymore. I barely recognized myself. It took months to find myself again. I'm still learning who I am really am. Don't delay the process, Serenidad... you don't want to lose any more time do you? Once I sobered up I regretted not doing it sooner.
Yes...you just described me to a "T"! A soulless shell of a person who is running away from her own life....

I actually just ordered a book called "Soul on the Run". It's supposed to be amazing!

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