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NEW HERE and WANTING TO SHARE

Old 07-21-2004, 06:16 PM
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Arrow NEW HERE and WANTING TO SHARE

Hi there im new here my name is pink for short.

Well this site got recommended to me, and i decided to say hi and share my story.

Well it started as most stories do, ya know 14 yrs of age and wanting a super cool experience in life, i decided to pick up, not knowing how it was gonna end, by the age of 16 i had done everything and was starting to begin my journey on the heroin and coke path, commonly known as speedballs.

Neway when i turned 17 i moved to London U.K, there i stayed clean of H for 4 months unitl one day i approached this punk and asked where i could score, he said sure and took me to his flat, this is when i realised trainspotting was a reality, dog **** on the bed, stuff everywhere and body lice, well that day was the begining of a nasty rolecoaster ride, i started using everyday, i theived from my mom and b-f until oneday he said to me he was gonna leave me if i didnt quit, so unwillingly i went and got on a methadone rapid detox script, this didnt last very long and i thought screw that, but unbeknowns to my b-f, he thought i was clean, well that was nearly 4 yrs ago now, he still likes to believe that im physically clean altho' im sure he knows wots up.
I started a job and was doing really well until my coke habit soared up again and i started theiving from the company, needless to say they found me out and got rid of me due to gross misconduct, even when i had nothin else to say i denied it, as any addict would, when i look at it now i realise that it was a good thing as my speedball habit was growing at some rapid rate i just couldnt keep up with.
A few weeks ago i had my 1st OD, my b-f found me on the floor-out of it,he couldnt wake me up so he threw water on my face, i lost 3-4 days i was very out of it, after this i have realised that a part of me was happy at the thought of not wakin up, i realised i am not afraid of dieing from the needle.
I have been attending N.A meetings, during the last 3 months i havnt been and 2day i went again, i now realise i cant try and get clean without N.A and all recovering addicts.

I have lost so much and am still in heavy amounts of pain and shame and im not sure wot i have to gain from a sober life, i do feel a heavy lack of hope at times, specially when i think of people i have lost , i just wanna be with them again free from all this torment my body puts me thro'.

Neway i hope i havent blabbed to much, PLz if there is anyone who has been in a similar place to me and has come out the other end, can u share ure hope and inspiration with me coz im lackin at moment.

Thanx to all..
sending
peace,luv,light,unity and respect
from
Pink
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Old 07-21-2004, 06:32 PM
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the girl can't help it
 
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((((((PINK)))),
Welcome to sober recovery we are very glad you have joined us. You will find excellent support here.

I used meth,pot and, alcohol together for a while. I was in bad shape. I kicked the meth first and continued drinking and smoking pot for a while longer. Drinking was last to go. I am very glad I quit all the madness.

I am very glad I was a year clean before I got pregnant with my son and that he is a happy healthy teenager now. I have 19 years clean.

I believe the 12 steps is a very good program for anyone who wants to quit using and begin to live.

I think the first year or so can be tough but hang in there because it is so worth it. You do not ever have to use again just for today. s and prayers coming your way. Keep posting it really helps.
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Old 07-21-2004, 08:07 PM
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Hi Pink
I'm Rowan, I'm an alcoholic. I just wanted to welcome you here - I'm so glad you posted. I hope you keep up with the NA meetings -- AA literally saved my life. I never thought I could get sober and stay sober, and I never thought I would be happy sober. I was so wrong! Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing; have faith and keep coming back!
God Bless
Love Rowan
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Old 07-21-2004, 08:57 PM
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Pink, i am glad you have started this thread . it is a good tool. you can use it to vent. we are all here cause we share a common problem with drugs, alcohol ect. i have found deep within me a great strength. as of tomorrow i will have nine weeks abstantant. i owe these people here a great dept. they have helped me and we have helped each other. we are learning to take our lives back and set ouselves free. one day at a time forever. you can do it too, join us.
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Old 07-21-2004, 09:28 PM
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HI guyz,
thanx so much for the kind words, and the very warm welcome.
it is nearly 6am here so im gonna go sleep, but shall check in 2morrow.

sweet dreams to all
peace,luv and bright light
pinky
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Old 07-21-2004, 09:32 PM
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Pink, I have been sober for about ten months now and I look back at the things that I have done in the past, and I would say I was spiraling downward, in and out of control just like you. I needed more than willpower and meetings to get sober, and I wonder if you do too?

I am talking about inpatient detox. I am not a counselor, but when I hear OD, heavy drug use, etc., I wonder about the biochemical extent of your drug abuse.

"Heavy amount of pain and shame" - that is exactly what happens when drugs take over our bodies and mind. That's the drug talking!

I don't know if you are ready to start your recovery, but I look back on mine and it was the best thing I have ever done. The positive outlook, clear head, self esteem and confidence all come back after the drugs wear off.

You have to realize that you have significantly altered your biochemistry and have to want to start one of the hardest fights you will ever wager. The fight is for you to get your life back!!

A lot of people here, including me have been in your shoes and have been successful. If I can do it, believe me you can too!!

Take care and good luck!

Dave
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Old 07-22-2004, 05:39 AM
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Still hangin` on...
 
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Welcome Pink!
Ive been using substances for about 20 years. Didnt realize that until detox. Im 34 so.........Been using for more than half my life. That is F***ed up!!!
I know that losing my job saved my life. I was out of control. I know that if I wasnt still out there I would be dead. I got to the point that I just didnt care anymore. Dying seemed like a easy way out.
But my 2 daughters needed their mother. Thenight before I left they were no more than 50 feet away from me sleeping and I was pumping so much s**t into my body to get some kind of effect-what--I dont know. I thank God for that one moment of clarity to call a detox and BEG for help!!!
If you havent considered a detox please do--and go on to rehab if possible.
I learned so much and realized some crazy stuff about myself that I had no idea was even there. I am working a program now! Through Narcotics Anonymous I am getting my life back and for once in my life seeing that Im not a bad person. Im a sick person. Working the steps have made me realize that my drug use is just a symptom. Im working hard on ME! Trying my very best to be a better person and get a better perspective on my life.
Keep going to those meetings! And keep posting here. Very good people hear that do not judge. They have been through it all and have some great advice that just might save your life.
God Bless You!!!!!!
Ann
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Old 07-22-2004, 06:08 AM
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Welcome to SR ((((((Pink))))))), so glad you are here. Addict here myself too, am clean for several months now..but how I know the struggle. Hope you stick around, we can all get to know you and support you. A great bunch of people here.



(((((((((((((((((Welcoming Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Old 07-22-2004, 07:22 AM
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Red face Welcome Pinky!!

So glad you are here. My name is Laura and I am a pothead/alkie. Yesterday, I had five months clean and sober thanks to six weeks in a treatment center and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Getting clean is not easy, but it is simple. You have been given a lot of good advice here already. I just want you to know that we are all here for you. Keep posting and hanging in there.

Love you--


((((((((Pink))))))))
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Old 07-22-2004, 08:09 AM
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Pink!! Welcome, I'm Moontime and I'm an addict. Your post was awesome and made me realize how glad I am to belong to Narcotics Anonymous. Getting introduced to the rooms, the program of NA, is the blessing. Addicts dieing everyday, not knowing that the feelings and cravings pass, that there is another way of life. This program Promises that an addict, any addict can stop using, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live. I've found this to be true. I tried quitting/abstaining from drugs by myself over and over, for like the last 6 years of my active addiction. My same way of thinking kept me in the same frame of thought for those 6 years, nothing changed. Maybe I had a few months of abstinence but at the first sign of unmanageablility or peacefulness, I was off to the races using again. I didn't need excuse to use, as the saying goes; "I used when the Knicks won, when the Knicks lost and when the Knicks had off" I'm 100% Narcotics Anonymous, I found my higher power in these rooms, I don't need to go anywhere else to do so. All I ever wanted to do was stop freebasing cocaine, and I've gotten so much more. This program resurrected me from the dead, I wanted to die. It' has brought me into being a productive member of society, it's helped me build back relationships with the people I hurt the most. It's made me love myself, so I can tell someone else I love them without strings attached.. That was hard for me, all I ever wanted to do was manipulate you to get what I want, even if that was saying "I love you." I have this spiritual freedom that Bill Gates couldn't buy. I can see love in everything today. That wasn't always the case. The way I got this freedom was getting the best sponsor in the world. Meeting him once a week to go over step work, and calling him everyday. Calling at least 2 addicts other than my sponsor everday. I got involved with service. Service is my niche, most rewarding for me. I am the Vice-Chair of Hospitals and Institutions in the Piedmont Area of Narcotics Anonymous in Virginia, we carry the message to jails/treatment centers where people can't attend NA meetings. I am the GSR of a home group I started in our area 11pm -12am, Saturday Nights, Lost Dreams Awaken. I do the phone line on friday. I sponsor 4 men in my life, who teach me patience and tollerance. All these things I needed to do so, I'm not walking the path that I was walking, but I'm walking the path that my higher power has set for me. I love Narcotics Anonymous! That's my experience, strength and hope dealing with the disease of addiction through the program of Narcotics Anonymous.
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Old 07-22-2004, 03:24 PM
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**ANN**2STOP**LULU***

Hi there guyz, nice to meet u,
thanx again for the lovely welcome,
i cant believe i havent found u people sooner,
Neway i shall be round and post as i need ure hope and inspiration as well as id like to be of help to anybody help, if i can, that is...LOL...

Well i went to another meeting this eveing, i took another user with me today, it was his first meeting, it did feel good, altho' i dunno how serious he is about it, his kinda brushing it off shoulder at the moment, i said to him i would call him when i go again, so ill do that again and see wot happens, i gotta leave it up to him as well, i think.

Neway take care and i shall post again later or 2morrow.

peace,luv and light to all
the pinkster
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Old 07-22-2004, 03:38 PM
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Hi pink... Welcome to SR
I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict. My substances were Meth, Crack, pain pills, benzos, and of course, alcohol.

You ask
I have lost so much and am still in heavy amounts of pain and shame and im not sure wot i have to gain from a sober life,
You have to gain life without degredation or shame, life without a monkey gibbering on your back, the DESIRE to live itself.

I'm glad you've found us cuz, as you've learned, we're a supportive lot. If you want to stay clean, hang around with us. And....... keep going to those NA meetings. Good for you! Especially good for you for bringing another addict!

I hope to hear more from you!
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