When is life fun any more?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 25
When is life fun any more?
It has been a while since I've been on here. I've been reading posts from time to time but not posting myself. It gets hard to ask for help when my world goes sideways. It is something that I'm working on for myself.
My son has been in an outpatient program since April. He was caught at school with marijuana as well as a pipe. The school introduced us to a program and we went for it. My son isn't find of it but he has been sober since and will soon graduate into the next level where he goes from 4 days a week to 2 days a week. I'm working my own program and trying to stay detached and not let my anxiety get the best of me. He is still pretty disrespectful to me but there are moments that he can be kind and loving.
The thing that brought me here was learning of my SIL and his relapse using heroin for the past three months. They just had a baby six weeks ago and my daughter is hurting. It bums me out that this happened but I'm not surprised knowing what I have learned about addiction from the program my son and I participate in. He wants to get clean and not lose my daughter and the baby. He started going to meetings. They are looking into outpatient treatment for him. I'm encouraged but cautiously optimistic. Not because I do t love him or think he can't do it but knowing how powerful addiction is. They have a touh road ahead of them and I feel helpless that I'm five hours away and can't be more support for her and the baby.
I just feel like life is nothing but a struggle any more. If it's not financial then it's my family succumbing to addiction. It's a hard road and a long journey. The light I thought was at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting dimmer. I wish that life could be more joyful and happy. It's so short. It would be nice to enjoy it while we have it.
My son has been in an outpatient program since April. He was caught at school with marijuana as well as a pipe. The school introduced us to a program and we went for it. My son isn't find of it but he has been sober since and will soon graduate into the next level where he goes from 4 days a week to 2 days a week. I'm working my own program and trying to stay detached and not let my anxiety get the best of me. He is still pretty disrespectful to me but there are moments that he can be kind and loving.
The thing that brought me here was learning of my SIL and his relapse using heroin for the past three months. They just had a baby six weeks ago and my daughter is hurting. It bums me out that this happened but I'm not surprised knowing what I have learned about addiction from the program my son and I participate in. He wants to get clean and not lose my daughter and the baby. He started going to meetings. They are looking into outpatient treatment for him. I'm encouraged but cautiously optimistic. Not because I do t love him or think he can't do it but knowing how powerful addiction is. They have a touh road ahead of them and I feel helpless that I'm five hours away and can't be more support for her and the baby.
I just feel like life is nothing but a struggle any more. If it's not financial then it's my family succumbing to addiction. It's a hard road and a long journey. The light I thought was at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting dimmer. I wish that life could be more joyful and happy. It's so short. It would be nice to enjoy it while we have it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hi Not2old2learn,
Welcome back!
We are great at understanding sideways life ! All kidding aside, you sure have had a good bit to worry over, haven't you? Life should be happy, with the new grandbaby, and your son doing pretty well in his class. But as we all know here, life is up one day, and down the next. its learning how to get some happiness out of life, when all around us is anxiety and problems.
I am glad you are working your own program. I am guessing that it will help you with the situation of your SIL. I am sorry for that pain in your lives.
I sure hope things work out for him, and for your son... and for you too, that you find some joy, and hang on to it. We can't do their recovery for them, its up to them to do the footwork. We can be loving, supportive, but they are the ones who have to do the hard stuff. Its hard enough just loving and watching, isn't it?
Try to do something nice for yourself, some sort of thing you love. Maybe something you have not done for a while that means a lot to you. You are giving a lot of yourself , and need to put something good in, so you don't run down.
we love to be supportive here. please, keep posting and others will be along to help.
hugs,
chicory
Welcome back!
We are great at understanding sideways life ! All kidding aside, you sure have had a good bit to worry over, haven't you? Life should be happy, with the new grandbaby, and your son doing pretty well in his class. But as we all know here, life is up one day, and down the next. its learning how to get some happiness out of life, when all around us is anxiety and problems.
I am glad you are working your own program. I am guessing that it will help you with the situation of your SIL. I am sorry for that pain in your lives.
I sure hope things work out for him, and for your son... and for you too, that you find some joy, and hang on to it. We can't do their recovery for them, its up to them to do the footwork. We can be loving, supportive, but they are the ones who have to do the hard stuff. Its hard enough just loving and watching, isn't it?
Try to do something nice for yourself, some sort of thing you love. Maybe something you have not done for a while that means a lot to you. You are giving a lot of yourself , and need to put something good in, so you don't run down.
we love to be supportive here. please, keep posting and others will be along to help.
hugs,
chicory
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Hey...
Even without addiction issues, there's no guarantee that life is ever going to be "fun", per se.
Recovery looks different for everyone. In my case, after my AXGF took her act on the road, I was thankful that I had a job and a band to practice with. And once enough time passed and I had gotten stronger, I returned to graduate school and finished up. Now, graduate school is certainly no sane person's idea of fun, but it gave me an enormous amount of satisfaction that I had both moved past the machinations and drama of my AXGF and did so successfully.
I can understand, and empathize with, your current state of mind. It's a pretty dark place you're in. But at the end of the day, you have to understand that you have no power over your son, or your son-in-law. In the case of the latter, if you've spent enough time reading the posts here, you'll know and appreciate that heroin is a mutherf**ker, and once it gets a hold of someone, it does not let go without a long, protracted fight.
What I encourage you to do is a lot of self care. And that self care can take many forms. For me, it was playing music, both by myself and with other people. But I also have a wonderful masseuse who looked after me and allowed me the opportunity to destress for an hour every couple of weeks. Self care can even be driving to places you've never been to so you can take in the sights.
Find out what works best for you, and do it. Allow yourself to unplug from your stress.
Even without addiction issues, there's no guarantee that life is ever going to be "fun", per se.
Recovery looks different for everyone. In my case, after my AXGF took her act on the road, I was thankful that I had a job and a band to practice with. And once enough time passed and I had gotten stronger, I returned to graduate school and finished up. Now, graduate school is certainly no sane person's idea of fun, but it gave me an enormous amount of satisfaction that I had both moved past the machinations and drama of my AXGF and did so successfully.
I can understand, and empathize with, your current state of mind. It's a pretty dark place you're in. But at the end of the day, you have to understand that you have no power over your son, or your son-in-law. In the case of the latter, if you've spent enough time reading the posts here, you'll know and appreciate that heroin is a mutherf**ker, and once it gets a hold of someone, it does not let go without a long, protracted fight.
What I encourage you to do is a lot of self care. And that self care can take many forms. For me, it was playing music, both by myself and with other people. But I also have a wonderful masseuse who looked after me and allowed me the opportunity to destress for an hour every couple of weeks. Self care can even be driving to places you've never been to so you can take in the sights.
Find out what works best for you, and do it. Allow yourself to unplug from your stress.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 25
Thank you both very much for your kind words. You both are right. I need to take care of myself and do more for myself. I get lost or run out of time doing everything I have to do by way of work, commitment or in response to someone else that needs assistance. I often forget that I need assistance too.
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