Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Deep South, US
Posts: 62
Introduction
Hello all,
I'm not really sure where to post this but I figure the newcomer area would be ok! I'm 38 and started drinking in high school (I come from an area where drinking is as common as tying a shoe!). I was able to stop from time to time, especially when I got into health and fitness in college. Twelve years ago I met my husband, who is a musician and also loves his beer. We drank pretty much every night before we had children and limiting it to only a few nights a week after my first son was born (I quit drinking and smoking for both of my pregnancies and now know that I was going through withdrawal when I was pregnant with my first going from drinking every night to zero).
I'm at the point of where I hate drinking. I decided to quit once and for all! I'm tired of going to work hungover or waking up on a Saturday with so much to do but having a headache so bad that I can't do anything! I feel awful about the lost time that I spent drinking rather than playing with my kids. I'm tired of feeling anxious and in a bad mood during the week because I am not drinking (I stayed a "weekend" drinker...Thursday-Sunday).
My problem is that my husband still drinks and refuses to slow down or stop. Now, when I was little I went to Ala-tot meetings b/c my mom was in recovery for alcohol, so, I know a little about AA. I know that they tell you to change person, place, or thing. My question is how do you successfully stop when you have a spouse/partner that still drinks? Also, my brother in law comes over every weekend and he is a heavy drinker as well. His fiancée has already expressed her concerns to me about his drinking. They drink together and both have the same "I'm not an alcoholic, I like to drink" attitude. Anyway, for this reason is why I decided to come here: to get support b/c I won't have any at home. Thank you all for reading my story and I will stay close to here, even if I can't post much, for awhile!!
I'm not really sure where to post this but I figure the newcomer area would be ok! I'm 38 and started drinking in high school (I come from an area where drinking is as common as tying a shoe!). I was able to stop from time to time, especially when I got into health and fitness in college. Twelve years ago I met my husband, who is a musician and also loves his beer. We drank pretty much every night before we had children and limiting it to only a few nights a week after my first son was born (I quit drinking and smoking for both of my pregnancies and now know that I was going through withdrawal when I was pregnant with my first going from drinking every night to zero).
I'm at the point of where I hate drinking. I decided to quit once and for all! I'm tired of going to work hungover or waking up on a Saturday with so much to do but having a headache so bad that I can't do anything! I feel awful about the lost time that I spent drinking rather than playing with my kids. I'm tired of feeling anxious and in a bad mood during the week because I am not drinking (I stayed a "weekend" drinker...Thursday-Sunday).
My problem is that my husband still drinks and refuses to slow down or stop. Now, when I was little I went to Ala-tot meetings b/c my mom was in recovery for alcohol, so, I know a little about AA. I know that they tell you to change person, place, or thing. My question is how do you successfully stop when you have a spouse/partner that still drinks? Also, my brother in law comes over every weekend and he is a heavy drinker as well. His fiancée has already expressed her concerns to me about his drinking. They drink together and both have the same "I'm not an alcoholic, I like to drink" attitude. Anyway, for this reason is why I decided to come here: to get support b/c I won't have any at home. Thank you all for reading my story and I will stay close to here, even if I can't post much, for awhile!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Hello and welcome to SR!
I'm sure you will find great support here.
I definitely know that feeling of guilt and general awfulness of going into work hungover constantly.
Being sober with someone else who also drinks will be a challenge but it is certainly possible. I'm on my own but I'm sure some other members will chime in who have done it.
Feel free to post as much as you like. We're all in the same boat here
I'm sure you will find great support here.
I definitely know that feeling of guilt and general awfulness of going into work hungover constantly.
Being sober with someone else who also drinks will be a challenge but it is certainly possible. I'm on my own but I'm sure some other members will chime in who have done it.
Feel free to post as much as you like. We're all in the same boat here
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Welcome, you will find a lot of people here with a similar story to yours...I think it is hard to quit drinking when there is alcohol in the house but it can be done. I am sure they will be along to welcome you as well.
There are many great resources on this site along with a wealth of experience and support.
There are many great resources on this site along with a wealth of experience and support.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Middle of Nowhere, Canada
Posts: 144
You can change a lot of things in life, but the one thing you will never be successful in changing is another person. The only life you can live is your own.
You can hope that if you lead by example, he will follow. But life doesn't guarantee it.
If you are committed to stopping drinking, forge ahead. It won't be easy, but it is certainly possible. Try to form a support network out of the house if you can. When the group gets together, just don't engage. In some situations, I find it easier to "fake" drinking than to explain that I don't. That's a choice that you have to make.
Ultimately, you need to look at how your relationships affect you, what they bring to your table, etc. a marriage shouldn't be about drinking when there's children around (although they frequently are). Your husbands lifestyle in music certainly means more challenge, but I know a few sober musicians, so it's certainly possible.
You can hope that if you lead by example, he will follow. But life doesn't guarantee it.
If you are committed to stopping drinking, forge ahead. It won't be easy, but it is certainly possible. Try to form a support network out of the house if you can. When the group gets together, just don't engage. In some situations, I find it easier to "fake" drinking than to explain that I don't. That's a choice that you have to make.
Ultimately, you need to look at how your relationships affect you, what they bring to your table, etc. a marriage shouldn't be about drinking when there's children around (although they frequently are). Your husbands lifestyle in music certainly means more challenge, but I know a few sober musicians, so it's certainly possible.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 348
Hi there! Stay the course, maybe your new lifestyle will start to influence theirs, maybe your sister in law could be some support. My husband doesn't drink in the house, but will have a few drinks at events or social things. At first I wanted to claw his eyes out, but last night at my brothers house he has 2 or 3 beers at a BBQ and I realized if I did that with wine, I wouldn't have eaten, would have rushed everyone out of there so I could get
More and drink it at home. Not a
Nice finish for me, so I enjoyed my seltzer and steak!
More and drink it at home. Not a
Nice finish for me, so I enjoyed my seltzer and steak!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Welcome to SR. You've quit for the best reasons, don't forget that. I say to myself 'I can't control other people's actions, only my reaction to them.' I'm not minimising the difficulty but I hope you can stay strong and get your support from others.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Sheffield, United Kingdom
Posts: 208
My husband still drinks a lot and doesn't think he has a problem. Because he can still function next day, but he had blackouts, is diabetic and has thrown up a couple of times recently. I know there is no point pushing him to quit. But he has said he wants to get healthier and last night didn't drink. So I am hoping me quitting has had a positive effect. SR has really helped me so far as can say stuff on here wouldn't dream of saying to anyone else because they just wouldn't understand. Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Deep South, US
Posts: 62
Thank you all so much for the responses and advice! I may not be able to post much but I'm on here reading as much as I can!!
Feelinggreat...I really took to heart your quote...I have realized that I can't change him, but, I can start working on how I react to his drinking to avoid a fight!
EJ...We were definitely the couple that would avoid eating and go home early to drink more when we were at social situations too!
Oswin....sounds like we have a lot in common with our husbands except mine has not had any health issues, yet. He is 42 and I am worried about his health b/c his father is diabetic and has heart issues.
Mangoes...I am working on trying to focus on myself first b/c I now realize that I can't change him. I tried in the past and it only led to fights. Hopefully, he will see that his partying is doing more harm than good! And I 100% agree that a marriage should not be about alcohol when children are involved. My mom went through treatment when I was only 5, other than that, my parents and his parents did not drink while we were growing up. I feel horrible what we are doing to our kids by our drinking. They do not deserve that!!
Thank you all again so much for the great advice!!!
Feelinggreat...I really took to heart your quote...I have realized that I can't change him, but, I can start working on how I react to his drinking to avoid a fight!
EJ...We were definitely the couple that would avoid eating and go home early to drink more when we were at social situations too!
Oswin....sounds like we have a lot in common with our husbands except mine has not had any health issues, yet. He is 42 and I am worried about his health b/c his father is diabetic and has heart issues.
Mangoes...I am working on trying to focus on myself first b/c I now realize that I can't change him. I tried in the past and it only led to fights. Hopefully, he will see that his partying is doing more harm than good! And I 100% agree that a marriage should not be about alcohol when children are involved. My mom went through treatment when I was only 5, other than that, my parents and his parents did not drink while we were growing up. I feel horrible what we are doing to our kids by our drinking. They do not deserve that!!
Thank you all again so much for the great advice!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
