Indenial618

Well I had eight months sober. The longest I've been sober in over ten years besides being pregnant. I threw it all away because I thought I could drink like a normal person AGAIN. I was sucked right back in to bad thinking. It started three weeks ago with me thinking I could have couple drinks, romanticized the idea and obsessed about it all day. Didn't even try to stop. I felt I deserved it. Well a couple drinks turned into 10. You know how it goes. Told myself not again. Well the last two weekends I have drank. I'm hungover now with anxiety and hating myself. I'm so disappointed in throwing away those eight months. I guess I just wasn't happy in recovery. I suffer from horrible anxiety and a,though it was getting better I thought quitting drinking would magically cure it. Now I'm back to square one.

Hate that I'm starting over again. Hate myself. Hate alcohol. Wish I was normal. I just want to curl up in a ball and die

Mangoes

You can't change the past. You can change today, right now, and move forward.
For me, I don't like that people feel the need to start on day 1 again after "slipping". When I run a marathon and fall at mile 4, they don't make me start back at the beginning again. I pick, myself, dust myself off, lick my wounds for a moment, and keep moving forward. I still made it to mile 4. I just need to figure out how to not trip again so I can continue to move forward steadily, rather than tripping on my feet and getting injured again.

Forgive yourself. You woke up human, not a god. Mistakes happen - it's what you do with them. You have 8 months sober... Something that many people have trouble achieving. That doesn't go away because you drank. But the next 8 months or 8 years don't happen if you don't brush yourself off and keep moving forward.

least

You still have the experience of your 8 months sober. You learned something and you haven't lost that. Start over again and make this relapse a learning event.

Don't give up!

biminiblue

I'm sure you can do it again!

They say our rememberers are broken.

You've helped me today by posting this story. Every now and then I get the thoughts that I won't go my whole life without drinking. Then someone posts something like this and it renews my commitment.

Jupiters

welcome back
don't be too hard of yourself. You are back now and that's what matters. Try again. and again. AND again.

Soberwolf

Hi in denial

First off I'm glad you realised

Glad your back keep posting

Tang

8 months is an amazing accomplishment. Dust yourself off and give yourself a break. Your ship went off course but didn't sink. You know where he rocks are, alter course next time.

Lola23

Great analogy Mangoes - thanks for that.

InDenial - please don't quit. 8 months is nothing to sneeze at. You posted here, that's great. Let's brushourselves off and keep on ok??

Waterfalls2014

Sorry you're feeling bad. The good thing is you came back and didn't fall into the old cycle for long. Everything isn't lost. The tools you learned in the 8 months will be invaluable now. Glad you're giving it another try!

MIRecovery

When we fully accept and believe we are NOT normal life becomes much easier. We have to surrender to win

aborkie

Eight months sober is better than eight months drinking. It wasn't wasted.

Altoids

Love this!

Alynn

I know the feeling. I haven't stayed sober that long since I was pregnant. I was cutting back but slipped up big time this weekend. Everyone is right about dusting yourself off and keep moving forward. Anxiety is the worst. We have to forgive ourselves and move forward. This is my first day in here it's already been so helpful. In tears just knowing I'm not alone. Hang in there!

TorontoGuy28

Nothing went down the drain... you did great for 8 months, which is not easy.

Dust off and get back to work..

NorMar

Those 8 months are not "down the drain." If you spend 8 months learning, for example, a new language. Then quit, decide you really don't want to. You haven't wasted that time. Some of what you learned will stick with you. Maybe just a few simple phrases, but you learned something.
You learned a lot in your 8 months sober. You learned a lot when you made the decision that you could "have a couple of drinks." A hard lesson, but a lesson nevertheless.

Use you new found knowledge to proceed onward. Be Proud of your accomplishments.

You say "Wish I was normal." What you mean, is "I wish like I could just have a couple of drinks and stop and not go to excess" I do too, I really do. I can't so I don't.

Doesn't make anyone not "Normal". Not so sure I want to be normal anyway.

Findingtheway

I've been there. The feeling at 8 months is incredible.

Be PROUD of that accomplishment. Adjust your approach and begin anew.

The choice is yours.

I believe you can do this.

jutam

I relapsed at 7 months. However, because of those sober months, I know sober is possible, the cravings lessen, where I faltered, how good life is sober, how great I feel, how healthy and productive I am etc etc etc and you know the same, oh and that drinking makes us feel terrible. There is no way you are back at square one. My relapses have sometimes shown me my most valuable lessons in achieving long term sobriety. Im back at one month.... pick yourself up... I already feel better

sugarbear1

What a wonderful opportunity to learn about you!

I had to know deep inside me I could not moderate or drink "safely" and that was the beginning of my sobriety.

You CAN do this again! Keep moving forward!

LBrain

thanks for posting. I just went over 8 months. I'm gonna use your experience to solidify my commitment to never drink again.

Just get back on board and continue right where you got off. Sometimes it takes a reminder like that to strengthen our resolve to stay on track.

soberclover

Today will feel yuck because you are hungover. Tomorrow will be a much better day. You identified that you weren't very happy in your recovery; this is great as you can work on this. We all learn from our experiences; 8 months is fabulous. Stick close to SR...lots of support