killerinstinct

I need some advice, I am unsure of wether I need to cut ties completely with my ex ah best friend who is my sons god father. He's a nice enough person but in my eyes will always have the ex's back. It doesn't feel right having contact with him, but he technically hasn't done anything wrong to me other than not stick up for me when my ex was playing up, that in itself is what's making me doubt our friendship. I'm
Obviously losing sleep over this so I've got to make a decision. He doesn't really condemn my ex for anything but that's only because he is the type who keeps everything to himself.. I mean everything. There have been moments where I've wanted to tell him to shove it for not being there for me but I understand his loyalty is with his mate first. Your thoughts are appreciated..

BoxinRotz

Well, I will probably catch flack for this but here goes... Bro's before Hoes... Chicks before D*cks. You ever hear that? You're asking your ex's buddy for too much. How would you feel if your ex wanted your BF to wring your ass over something? 9 chances out of 10, your gf wouldn't do it, even if it was warranted. JMO on the friendship *they* may have.

killerinstinct

Very good point, I understand it's the nature of this world.. I can't ask for too much.. I guess now I need to work out whether that's a valid reason to accept this and keep him in my life or cut him off too because it hurts too much..

ladyscribbler

Do what feels right for you. If any relationship is causing you to be unhappy then you have a right to end it. No explanation necessary.

killerinstinct

How would you end something like this? Disappear?? Or tell them
How hurt you are that they weren't there for you like you've told them
Before??

killerinstinct

.

mfanch

As a godparent, his job is really to be there there for the child, not you, so I would only have contact with this person as it pertains to the responsibilities of a godparent.

Other than that, there is no reason to have contact. "Having your back" is a moot point, really, he is your ex's bestie, not yours.

killerinstinct

I met my husband through him, that's where it gets complicated. He doesn't ask about my son much either, not sure if it's just the situation or if he's disinterested. I've been sitting on this for weeks..golly Gosh it bothers me

mfanch

Perhaps if you let it go it will work itself out.

Butterfly

How much contact do you have with him and who initiates it?

killerinstinct

He will once every 3-6 months, I will maybe once every 2 months..

NYCDoglvr

The relationship doesn't work for you which is all that matters. I take the easy way out, make myself unavailable. But if he confronts you simply say you're putting yourself in recovery and only want to surround yourself with like-minded people for a while. Which, I hope, is the truth. It's normal for peripheral friendships to fall away once a couple splits.

Butterfly

Maybe don't contact him every 2 months and when he contacts you keep conversations about your son only. If your not contacting him he may drift away naturally. Good luck

dandylion

Killerinstinct....what do YOU want to do?

Is it possible that you have considered him more of a "friend" than he really was?
In reality, it sounds like he was/is more of a friend to your husband than to you.
I think that, many times, we fantasize that people have more qualities than they really have. Then, when something happens to let us know more about them....we see them in a more realistic light.
A divorce will do that!!! LOL!
In the aftermath of a divorce....very few people keep ALL of those that they considered "friends", before. Some drift away with the wife and others drift away with the husband. It sounds like he will drift with your ex.

I say...if it is driving you nuts....tell him, straight up, how you feel. It probably won't change a thing in the end, though.
If you want vent your spleen....then do it. But, also remember that you m ust take off your rose-colored glasses and see reality for what it is....even though it may hurt your feelings for a while.
When the bonds of marriage are broken...so are many other bonds that were associated with the marriage. This is why divorce...even when it is needed and wanted...is no damn cake walk!!

dandylion

SeriousKarma

Does it have to be all or nothing? Although I don't believe anyone should ever have to be friends with anyone, I also feel that different people fit into our lives in different ways. Sometimes that way changes over time. Sometimes they change. Sometimes we change. Sometimes the change is temporary. Sometimes it's permanent. Sometimes the friendship just needs to be tweaked a bit. Sometimes it needs to be ended.

The questions I would ask myself are this:

Does that person support me in any way? Am I happy when I'm with them? Do I always walk away feeling worse than when I got there?

Is this just a bad patch in my life? Am I being over sensitive?

Am I wanting them to give me something that they are incapable of giving me, while ignoring the valuable qualities that they do bring to the friendship?

Have they hurt me? Is there something I need to get off of my chest? Should I discuss it with them?

Have I changed? Do I simply not like them anymore?


Good Luck KI.