I Believe I Am an Alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 25
I Believe I Am an Alcoholic.
Hi there 
Well, I am a 23 year old female who, after a while of denial, believes she is an alcoholic. I have been drinking off and on since I was 15, but recently I drink more than ever because I find that my tolerance is higher and usually I feel that if I am not completely wasted, there's no point of drinking. If it is available, I will continue to suck down alcohol until I am almost non-functional. Also, I used to limit my drinking when I knew I was driving, but lately that is not the case and I do not care. I've never really been an at-home drinker or someone who drinks alone. I am one who drinks out with others at bars, parties, and get togethers, and I usually drink pretty much every weekend. My drinking has gotten much worse over the past 2 years because I got out of an extremely abusive relationship and I have depression. At first, I felt okay going out and getting drunk all the time. I rationalized it by telling myself that I don't drink every day and I don't drink by myself. Over the past year or so, I have slowed down a bit because of the immense guilt that I feel before, during, and ESPECIALLY the day after drinking. I feel extremely depressed. I've tried to quit many times this past year, but I always end up doing it again. I usually start off by telling myself I'm never going to drink again, and then anywhere between the next day to a week later, I'll have a beer and tell myself I'm just going to drink occasionally. Eventually, I'll get completely wasted again. It's like I can't stop. I know it's holding me back in my life. I use it to escape the trauma I have, and my depression and anxiety. I use it to be more outgoing in crowds. When I know I am about to get drunk, I am so impatient and hurried that I'll drive like a maniac to get to the destination even though I feel guilty and depressed. I often do reckless and stupid things while drunk. I've had unprotected sex countless times with men I wouldn't touch while sober. I've driven my friends and myself around while drunk. I smoke cigarettes when I drink. I've blacked out and have been told that I engaged in sexual encounters that I do not remember. Sex is a big issue in my drinking. I already feel a void inside, but when I am sober I am smart enough to know that only I can fix that. When I drink, all I want to do is feel "loved" for the moment. I'll even drink more to shut up the voice that tells me that I'm doing something wrong. When I think back, I can't even remember how many days I've wasted being hammered. I've also tried to complete college but I always end up dropping all of my classes, mostly because of excessive hangovers and the depression that comes with it. My job performance has also suffered due to my alcohol use. I don't want to admit that I have a problem, but I want to get help. I want to know there's more to life than feeling this way, but I'm afraid that alcohol isn't the issue and I'm just a mess and never going to get through my problems. I want to feel the accomplished feeling of turning down a drink, over and over again. I don't want to depend on alcohol anymore. I have a pretty small support group. Tonight, I told a girl that I usually drink with that I won't be going out because I'm trying to quit drinking, and she scolded me. She said my drinking isn't bad and I'm too young to never drink again. I also have tried to talk to my mom about my problem but I feel she doesn't really care much. I told her today that I plan to go to an AA meeting and she didn't ask too many questions. I'm sick of people telling me that my drinking "is not that bad" when they have NO idea the effect alcohol has had on me these past 8 years. I do have a friend that is going to attend an AA meeting with me this week. I've never been, and I'm excited to start my journey. Any input would be so much appreciated, thanks for taking the time out to read this!
Well, I am a 23 year old female who, after a while of denial, believes she is an alcoholic. I have been drinking off and on since I was 15, but recently I drink more than ever because I find that my tolerance is higher and usually I feel that if I am not completely wasted, there's no point of drinking. If it is available, I will continue to suck down alcohol until I am almost non-functional. Also, I used to limit my drinking when I knew I was driving, but lately that is not the case and I do not care. I've never really been an at-home drinker or someone who drinks alone. I am one who drinks out with others at bars, parties, and get togethers, and I usually drink pretty much every weekend. My drinking has gotten much worse over the past 2 years because I got out of an extremely abusive relationship and I have depression. At first, I felt okay going out and getting drunk all the time. I rationalized it by telling myself that I don't drink every day and I don't drink by myself. Over the past year or so, I have slowed down a bit because of the immense guilt that I feel before, during, and ESPECIALLY the day after drinking. I feel extremely depressed. I've tried to quit many times this past year, but I always end up doing it again. I usually start off by telling myself I'm never going to drink again, and then anywhere between the next day to a week later, I'll have a beer and tell myself I'm just going to drink occasionally. Eventually, I'll get completely wasted again. It's like I can't stop. I know it's holding me back in my life. I use it to escape the trauma I have, and my depression and anxiety. I use it to be more outgoing in crowds. When I know I am about to get drunk, I am so impatient and hurried that I'll drive like a maniac to get to the destination even though I feel guilty and depressed. I often do reckless and stupid things while drunk. I've had unprotected sex countless times with men I wouldn't touch while sober. I've driven my friends and myself around while drunk. I smoke cigarettes when I drink. I've blacked out and have been told that I engaged in sexual encounters that I do not remember. Sex is a big issue in my drinking. I already feel a void inside, but when I am sober I am smart enough to know that only I can fix that. When I drink, all I want to do is feel "loved" for the moment. I'll even drink more to shut up the voice that tells me that I'm doing something wrong. When I think back, I can't even remember how many days I've wasted being hammered. I've also tried to complete college but I always end up dropping all of my classes, mostly because of excessive hangovers and the depression that comes with it. My job performance has also suffered due to my alcohol use. I don't want to admit that I have a problem, but I want to get help. I want to know there's more to life than feeling this way, but I'm afraid that alcohol isn't the issue and I'm just a mess and never going to get through my problems. I want to feel the accomplished feeling of turning down a drink, over and over again. I don't want to depend on alcohol anymore. I have a pretty small support group. Tonight, I told a girl that I usually drink with that I won't be going out because I'm trying to quit drinking, and she scolded me. She said my drinking isn't bad and I'm too young to never drink again. I also have tried to talk to my mom about my problem but I feel she doesn't really care much. I told her today that I plan to go to an AA meeting and she didn't ask too many questions. I'm sick of people telling me that my drinking "is not that bad" when they have NO idea the effect alcohol has had on me these past 8 years. I do have a friend that is going to attend an AA meeting with me this week. I've never been, and I'm excited to start my journey. Any input would be so much appreciated, thanks for taking the time out to read this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by superstaroxox 
Hi there
Well, I am a 23 year old female who, after a while of denial, believes she is an alcoholic. I have been drinking off and on since I was 15, but recently I drink more than ever because I find that my tolerance is higher and usually I feel that if I am not completely wasted, there's no point of drinking. If it is available, I will continue to suck down alcohol until I am almost non-functional. Also, I used to limit my drinking when I knew I was driving, but lately that is not the case and I do not care. I've never really been an at-home drinker or someone who drinks alone. I am one who drinks out with others at bars, parties, and get togethers, and I usually drink pretty much every weekend. My drinking has gotten much worse over the past 2 years because I got out of an extremely abusive relationship and I have depression. At first, I felt okay going out and getting drunk all the time. I rationalized it by telling myself that I don't drink every day and I don't drink by myself. Over the past year or so, I have slowed down a bit because of the immense guilt that I feel before, during, and ESPECIALLY the day after drinking. I feel extremely depressed. I've tried to quit many times this past year, but I always end up doing it again. I usually start off by telling myself I'm never going to drink again, and then anywhere between the next day to a week later, I'll have a beer and tell myself I'm just going to drink occasionally. Eventually, I'll get completely wasted again. It's like I can't stop. I know it's holding me back in my life. I use it to escape the trauma I have, and my depression and anxiety. I use it to be more outgoing in crowds. When I know I am about to get drunk, I am so impatient and hurried that I'll drive like a maniac to get to the destination even though I feel guilty and depressed. I often do reckless and stupid things while drunk. I've had unprotected sex countless times with men I wouldn't touch while sober. I've driven my friends and myself around while drunk. I smoke cigarettes when I drink. I've blacked out and have been told that I engaged in sexual encounters that I do not remember. Sex is a big issue in my drinking. I already feel a void inside, but when I am sober I am smart enough to know that only I can fix that. When I drink, all I want to do is feel "loved" for the moment. I'll even drink more to shut up the voice that tells me that I'm doing something wrong. When I think back, I can't even remember how many days I've wasted being hammered. I've also tried to complete college but I always end up dropping all of my classes, mostly because of excessive hangovers and the depression that comes with it. My job performance has also suffered due to my alcohol use. I don't want to admit that I have a problem, but I want to get help. I want to know there's more to life than feeling this way, but I'm afraid that alcohol isn't the issue and I'm just a mess and never going to get through my problems. I want to feel the accomplished feeling of turning down a drink, over and over again. I don't want to depend on alcohol anymore. I have a pretty small support group. Tonight, I told a girl that I usually drink with that I won't be going out because I'm trying to quit drinking, and she scolded me. She said my drinking isn't bad and I'm too young to never drink again. I also have tried to talk to my mom about my problem but I feel she doesn't really care much. I told her today that I plan to go to an AA meeting and she didn't ask too many questions. I'm sick of people telling me that my drinking "is not that bad" when they have NO idea the effect alcohol has had on me these past 8 years. I do have a friend that is going to attend an AA meeting with me this week. I've never been, and I'm excited to start my journey. Any input would be so much appreciated, thanks for taking the time out to read this!
Well, I am a 23 year old female who, after a while of denial, believes she is an alcoholic. I have been drinking off and on since I was 15, but recently I drink more than ever because I find that my tolerance is higher and usually I feel that if I am not completely wasted, there's no point of drinking. If it is available, I will continue to suck down alcohol until I am almost non-functional. Also, I used to limit my drinking when I knew I was driving, but lately that is not the case and I do not care. I've never really been an at-home drinker or someone who drinks alone. I am one who drinks out with others at bars, parties, and get togethers, and I usually drink pretty much every weekend. My drinking has gotten much worse over the past 2 years because I got out of an extremely abusive relationship and I have depression. At first, I felt okay going out and getting drunk all the time. I rationalized it by telling myself that I don't drink every day and I don't drink by myself. Over the past year or so, I have slowed down a bit because of the immense guilt that I feel before, during, and ESPECIALLY the day after drinking. I feel extremely depressed. I've tried to quit many times this past year, but I always end up doing it again. I usually start off by telling myself I'm never going to drink again, and then anywhere between the next day to a week later, I'll have a beer and tell myself I'm just going to drink occasionally. Eventually, I'll get completely wasted again. It's like I can't stop. I know it's holding me back in my life. I use it to escape the trauma I have, and my depression and anxiety. I use it to be more outgoing in crowds. When I know I am about to get drunk, I am so impatient and hurried that I'll drive like a maniac to get to the destination even though I feel guilty and depressed. I often do reckless and stupid things while drunk. I've had unprotected sex countless times with men I wouldn't touch while sober. I've driven my friends and myself around while drunk. I smoke cigarettes when I drink. I've blacked out and have been told that I engaged in sexual encounters that I do not remember. Sex is a big issue in my drinking. I already feel a void inside, but when I am sober I am smart enough to know that only I can fix that. When I drink, all I want to do is feel "loved" for the moment. I'll even drink more to shut up the voice that tells me that I'm doing something wrong. When I think back, I can't even remember how many days I've wasted being hammered. I've also tried to complete college but I always end up dropping all of my classes, mostly because of excessive hangovers and the depression that comes with it. My job performance has also suffered due to my alcohol use. I don't want to admit that I have a problem, but I want to get help. I want to know there's more to life than feeling this way, but I'm afraid that alcohol isn't the issue and I'm just a mess and never going to get through my problems. I want to feel the accomplished feeling of turning down a drink, over and over again. I don't want to depend on alcohol anymore. I have a pretty small support group. Tonight, I told a girl that I usually drink with that I won't be going out because I'm trying to quit drinking, and she scolded me. She said my drinking isn't bad and I'm too young to never drink again. I also have tried to talk to my mom about my problem but I feel she doesn't really care much. I told her today that I plan to go to an AA meeting and she didn't ask too many questions. I'm sick of people telling me that my drinking "is not that bad" when they have NO idea the effect alcohol has had on me these past 8 years. I do have a friend that is going to attend an AA meeting with me this week. I've never been, and I'm excited to start my journey. Any input would be so much appreciated, thanks for taking the time out to read this!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Hi and welcome to SR!
I can see so many similarities between our situations so you are definitely not alone.
I'm 22 and things got bad for me also after I suffered an abusive relationship, at first alcohol helped me cope but we all know what happens eventually. I struggle with an anxiety disorder as well, which alcohol just exacerbates!
I wish you all the best, do check in here it's a great safe place for support. Also good luck for your first AA meeting. I was made to feel very welcome at my first, however I since found 'rational recovery' which makes a lot more sense to me and have had some better progress with it. I believe there's a solution out there for all of us, you just gotta find it.
I can see so many similarities between our situations so you are definitely not alone.
I'm 22 and things got bad for me also after I suffered an abusive relationship, at first alcohol helped me cope but we all know what happens eventually. I struggle with an anxiety disorder as well, which alcohol just exacerbates!
I wish you all the best, do check in here it's a great safe place for support. Also good luck for your first AA meeting. I was made to feel very welcome at my first, however I since found 'rational recovery' which makes a lot more sense to me and have had some better progress with it. I believe there's a solution out there for all of us, you just gotta find it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Very similar stories. My friends told me the same thing but it is up to you to decide. They are not the ones putting up with the guilt anxiety and nasty feelings you get after a binge. We are here for you and you can do this if it is what you want.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Middle of Nowhere, Canada
Posts: 144
Welcome, Superstar. It's amazing that at your age, you have the ability to reflect on the fact that you have a problem. Many of your contemporaries just pass drinking off as a thing that folks your age do. You've made an intelligent first step! Don't buy into the hype that drinking is something you have to do. I didn't drink more than a few sips at your age, and I had a great time.
Find a support network that can help you through this. You may be surprised how many young people are in AA.
You may also need to address your depression and self esteem issues.
Sex seems to be an issue. I'd consider contacting a counsellor to get to the root of your issues. I was the same as you when young, getting Into abusive relationships and engaging in a lot of sex. Self esteem issues, etc. It stemmed back to being abused as a child. Many rape crisis centers have free counseling for survivors of rape or abuse. You may want to look at those as other tools to look at.
Welcome to SR.. I hope you find it as welcoming and useful as I have.
Find a support network that can help you through this. You may be surprised how many young people are in AA.
You may also need to address your depression and self esteem issues.
Sex seems to be an issue. I'd consider contacting a counsellor to get to the root of your issues. I was the same as you when young, getting Into abusive relationships and engaging in a lot of sex. Self esteem issues, etc. It stemmed back to being abused as a child. Many rape crisis centers have free counseling for survivors of rape or abuse. You may want to look at those as other tools to look at.
Welcome to SR.. I hope you find it as welcoming and useful as I have.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Love the honesty in your post. Thank you for joining us. And WELCOME!!! SR is a great place to hang out. There is a 24 hour thread where you commit everyday to 24 hours of not drinking. That helps me a lot. It isn't just a thought "I'm not drinking today." It is an action and for some reason, taking that action everyday matters.
You'll love SR. Lots of wisdom, experience, support and fun on these threads.
You'll love SR. Lots of wisdom, experience, support and fun on these threads.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Good for you!
I am always encouraged when I read (SR) or see (AA meetings) young people changing their lives = HOPE.
It took me way to long to get to a point of sobriety. But, daily I see people in their 20's and 30's with great sobriety!! Proud of you!
And......on a selfish note, I love to see younger people come into the program....To pay my social security in several years!!!!
Glad you here
I am always encouraged when I read (SR) or see (AA meetings) young people changing their lives = HOPE.
It took me way to long to get to a point of sobriety. But, daily I see people in their 20's and 30's with great sobriety!! Proud of you!
And......on a selfish note, I love to see younger people come into the program....To pay my social security in several years!!!!
Glad you here
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 21
Hello. Welcome and congrats on taking your first step. I am also 23 and have similar drinking patterns so I can relate. The worst thing is when other people don't know how much you suffer. Whenever I try and stay sober or make sure to get to a meeting, my friends think I am overreacting - they say exactly what people have said to you, that I'm too young to stop. But they don't see the effects it has personally on you! Although today is my second day sober, I spent 4 months sober earlier in the year. And people eventually stopped asking me why I didn't want to drink anymore. They started not to care. And if they continue to care, then maybe they are not the best people to surround yourself with. One person explained it to me... The reasons my friends don't want me to stop drinking is because they liked drinking with me.., not because I don't have a problem. It sucks though because sometimes they can convince you otherwise. I came on this site because of denial.. People with drinking problems have to work on acceptance of their problem constantly. But remember only you can decide if you have a problem and it seems like you have. Good luck with everything. You got this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Telford, PA
Posts: 37
Hi SuperStar!! Great name for yourself!! Wow! Your post sounds so much like me, though quite a few years ago! I am 49 now and have been sober for 59 days! Looking forward to my two month anniversary tomorrow! I won't bore you too much now with all of my horrific details, but I will tell you that I have wasted my life. I will repeat that, I have WASTED my life! I too dropped out of college and spent those years drinking. All my family and friends continued on with a career path and now are all professionals earning a ton of money. I can barely find a job for minimum wage. I had a far different plan for myself, one that did not include the life that I have lived. Fast forward to sobriety...so happy! I was terrified to go to my first AA meeting! But when I walked in, I was welcomed with open arms and hugged when I left. They gave me phone numbers of others to call and asked me back the following night. My life has changed in 59 days and yours can too. I still struggle everyday, believe me, but it is a far more pleasant struggle today. I will pray for you SuperStar, as I am sure others will on this site. To be so young and to have such clarity is truly a miracle! You can do this!! ��
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Don't listen to people who say you don't have a problem. If you are depressed after drinking or feel bad about your drinking that is all the reason you need to stop. Sadly most people don't understand what we go through or the demons we battle with alcohol. Younger people without life experience may be even less understanding of people who abstain from alcohol use, though I know plenty of older people who judge non-drinkers. The fact is you have to take care of yourself because nobody else will. Where will they be when you have liver failure? Or lose your home? Or are wallowing in depression? Not everyone has the same genetic makeup or psychological baggage. Do whatever it takes to make yourself healthy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Welcome! Good for you coming here and starting a new chapter in your life. There is plenty of support here. I, too, was told I didn't have a drinking problem, but that was by people who didn't want to look at themselves. Once I understood that, a lot changed. We make this choice for ourselves, and because of the effect alcohol is having on us alone. We are here for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Hi SuperStar - welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support here and a LOT of great information so keep posting, keep reading and keep asking others here and yourself the hard questions.
If you think you have a problem, you probably do. But you're young and it's great that you've recognized it now. Good luck!
If you think you have a problem, you probably do. But you're young and it's great that you've recognized it now. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
Hi and welcome. Glad you're here with us. My story is very similar but it went on for 30 years. I was stuck in a cycle with nobody around me encouraging me to change. One day I was doing a web search and found SR. The things I've read here gave me hope that I could quit. I could focus on me and have them in my corner. It's amazing what you can accomplish when your surrounded by others that can relate to you. AA is a great start. Stick with us on here also. You will hear a lot about don't pick up the first drink because it's the only one you can control. Keep that in mind. You can do this!
birddog
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Chatham, New Jersey
Posts: 56
I am much older than you are and I am excited that you have a full, happy, prosperus life ahead of you. I wish I were 23 years old and quitting. I am only 3 days sober - today will be my fourth day. I have tried to quit so many times before. Every time I told someone that I need to quit drinking or go to AA they tell me I am crazy and that they see no problem with my drinking. I drink alone. I drink until I am wasted. I go to bars alone and end up in very risky situations. I have recently been asked to leave a bar on two separate occassions. Super embarrassing. It is time for me to stop and it is time for you to stop. Everyone here wants the best for everyone else, if the whole world was like this it would be such a wonderful place. You are only 23, stop the booze and your other problems will be resolved - at 23 you can recover from just about any issue that plagues you. If you don't stop drinking I promise you your problems will be far worse and you will end up like me - 54, divorced, no children. I live alone with my dog. Please take very good care of yourself you deserve the best that life has to offer. Congratulations on coming to SR and good luck.
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