Mags1

Morning friends.

It turns out I'm a co-dependant. I think I have been one all my life from when my dad drank and I had to take care of everything at the age of 9 years of age. Nothing much has changed, I still want to take everyone's problems on board, can't say no.

I remember Dee saying he had relinquished his job of master of the universe, lol. I recognised I'm like that too but didn't know what to do about it.

I've only been aware of this since I've been sober and I infuriate myself for not being able to live my own life but live through others.

So if anyone has any recommended books or methods to help me grow away from being a co dependant please help.

Thanks for listening. Being sober is my main goal but all the other stuff that I was hiding from whilst drinking keeps rearing it's ugly head.

Dee74

If you haven't read Melody Beattie it's the place to start Mags

Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

There are some quotes here:
Melody Beattie Quotes (Author of Codependent No More)

D

Anna

Hi Mags,

Ironically I had no clue I was a codependent until after I began recovery from alcoholism. It's as they say, the layers begin to disappear. I began to realize how affected I was by growing up in a chaotic, frightening alcoholic home.

There are some great books:

Codependent No More,
The Language of Letting Go,
Journey To The Heart all by Melody Beattie

A New Earth by Eckhart Tollee is truly an amazing book.

A Course in Miracles
A Return to Love, both by Marianne Williamson

The Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown

The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav

and many more on our Sticky Book List at the beginning of this forum.

Mags1

Thanks Dee, Anna. I've just got the co dependant no more from amazon on kindle. Good Sunday afternoon reading. My problem is, like booze, I want a quick fix. I realise this doesn't happen.

Checked out Melodie Beattie s quotes and yes, I can relate, thanks.

56 years old and just beginning to find out who I am.??????

Jeni26

I can relate Mags. I think many of us who have lived with alcoholism growing up have difficulties with this. And I think discovering ourselves is a lifelong process..it's a journey. We don't get sober and fixed at the same time.

Getting sober is just the first step.

You're doing great my friend xx

Mags1

Thanks Jeni, the steps don't get any bigger, still small sure steps, just peeling the layers off the onion.xx

HeartsAfire

Can't recommend Melodie Beattie enough! Codependent No More & The Language of Letting Go are both the codependent's bible!

I'm starting to discover Brene Brown as well & love what I've read so far.

56 & finding yourself? Bravo!! It's NEVER to late!

IWillWin

So true that we begin to know ourselves once the alcohol is gone ...

I have been co-dependent in the past, to a pretty severe degree, always found some wounded soul who I was sure I could "fix". It was exhausting.

Now, I've gone total opposite and basically keep a serious emotional distance from everyone - also not the best strategy but I have always been one to go to extremes. My challenge is to find the happy medium. Work in progress ...

Ruby2

Me too. I downloaded Codependent No More and started reading it. There are also daily meditations for both alcoholics and codependents on Hazelden's website. Your post is a reminder that I didn't finish reading the book but even unfinished it helped me immensely.

For me, once I started addressing the codependent traits and began letting go, I found it easier to be sober. My urges to drink lessened. It is all part of my story and my sobriety.

doureallycare2

Good morning, I also recently just figured I was codependent and I'm going to go to therapy (starting next week I have appointment) but right now I'm reading a book called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. I can not tell you how much it is helping and encouraging me.