mystified

I mean I know I can.

I know it's possible because I've done it before. But only for a short while.

But I can not imagine life without drinking.

4pm comes round and the bottle starts calling. And I'm scared because saying no to opening a second one is getting harder.

I'm here because I need help.

For the last 5 years (apart from while I was pregnant) I've been drinking a minimum of 6 bottles of 13% wine a week. Sometimes more, rarely less.

In the last 12 months I have quit drinking for 30 consecutive days on 2 occasions. Then I get to thinking that perhaps I don't really have a problem with drinking because this quitting Lark isn't so bad and then I think it's ok to drink 'just a couple'. Well you know how that story ends.

So I'm here. Evidently I have dependence issues because I can stop but I can't stay stopped. I don't know how to cope without drinking. I have no patience and I'm beginning to hate my life as it is.

The only thing to do is change something. Do some navel gazing and work out why the f**k I drink instead of facing What's bothering me.

I'm fully aware that drinking is just a symptom of something deeper and I'm hoping that you guys can support me in getting sober awhile I'm trying to work out what the hell is going on in my messed up head.

Thanks for listening.

whalebelow

Download a PDF of Alcoholics Anonymous or the Big Book as it is known.

Read the "Doctors Opinion" (takes about 20 minutes)

And you will have more answers to your questions & more idea what the problem is, than you could possibly get in a decade of "therapy" or some such.

And welcome to SR.

Dee74

Hi mystified

I don't think any of us could really imagine living without booze...but look around, there's lots of us doing it, using all kinds of successful methods

You can too. The first step is reaching out...and you've done that

welcome aboard

D

mystified

I did that last time I quit. I guess I need to read it again huh?

whalebelow

Can't see how it would harm things

Pm any questions if you like... Happy to help.

I'm going to an aa big book study in about 30 mins though, so please forgive if I can't answer straight away, but I will answer. Promise.

Tiffyw12

Morning Mystified, I completely understand how you are feeling about giving up. I'm an evening drinker, witching hour for me is acceptable (in my conservative mind) from 5pm. This is initially was the time I would get in from work and need to wind down, cook my partner and I a meal and relax. Or going our after work with colleague etc. This then went onto to be part of my life still, exactly two weeks after giving birth to my first precious baby. I knew I had a problem, in that I was needing a drink so quickly after spending the last 9 month of pregnancy sober. I have the same cycle now with two kids and am on my second day sober. It is bloody hard to try and think about an evening without wine. But the one bottle a night will quickly turn into two.....three.... whatever you can get your hands on. Our tolerance to booze goes up as our system becomes more dependent on it. I will drink two a night, and its become more as the years have gone on. So two plus a beer, or another bottle if I go back out to get some. You are doing the right thing now, joining this site and accepting your drinking habits are concerning you. I am only on day two now after slipping from sobriety. My evening last night was great, rather than sinking back two bottles of wine and convincing myself I was functional i.e getting my family their meal, playing with my kids, nigh time routine etc. I actually ate at the same time as my family, sat and had coherent conversations with my kids/partner, took them for a nice evening walk to the park (safely), took them to bed without booze breath reading their story and then watched a film with my partner without falling into a drunken sleep. It may all sound trivial, but to me right now it feels great. I know that evening is going to come around again all too soon, where the AV starts telling me a bottle of wine would be nice. We just have to find the strength to know it will not end up pretty!

Get over the first week, clear your mind, and then you can work on the other negatives you are facing head on. Nothing is worse than drinking to forget, avoiding the situation and waking up to find its still there and you feel even worse.

Rooting for you!

instant

I don't know your story but for me ADDICTION was it's own reason to drink. I was a normal person before- no deep reason I drank- just loved a buzz- chased it more and more etc etc

I am now sober and normal again- no deep seated emotional stuff- the only difference now is that I fully accept I am very vulnerable to getting addicted- it's a biological thing

Tang

Don't expect introspection alone to give you underlying reasons for your drinking problem. For me this just added another 5 years to my heavy drinking.

Soberwolf

Hi mystifyed nice to meet you hello and welcome

Mangoes

Welcome, mystified. You'll find a lot of help here.
Your first step is to try to find something that helps you stay sober. Each of us has different tools in our tool box. I don't find the Big Book "speaks" to me, but there are plenty of other resources that do. Dig in your heels, surf the inter webs and find that something.

Drinking has a cause, but sometimes is it's own cause. It changes your physiology so that your nervous system uses the metabolite so from the alcohol to calm itself down. So, as you drink more if you don't drink, you are more depressed and anxious because your body has come to expect those chemicals to be present vs. making different ones itself. Getting off the drink is half the battle because then maybe you're dealing with just the mental part, not the physical and mental part.

You need to understand that moderation isn't an option for you, if moderation always leads you down the same path. And that's cool. Most of us can't moderate. Some do, successfully,that's true. But to me, it's just feeding an obsession that you don't need.

Life without alcohol is better when alcohol is like the bad boyfriend who won't go away, keeps calling in the middle of the night, makes you pay for all the dates, and leaves you with a ton of regret in the morning.

I know that sounds a little trite, but I can say that my head and heart are better when I'm not drinking.,I have room for other things, other than shame, lies, and regret. Sounds like you do too.

Good luck

LBrain

Do you surf? Have you tried it? Ever wonder how those guys do it? It ain't easy.

But they kept getting back on that board and practiced to get it right. It takes practice and patience.

That's what you gotta do to learn how to live sober. After a while it's like riding a bicycle.

FreeOwl

LBrain... are you a surfer?



Great analogy.

Mystified.... someone else already said it but I'm going to echo it. You mentioned "I'm fully aware that drinking is just a symptom of something deeper".

Maybe. Maybe not.

My own experience includes a good ten plus years of my taking that perspective. I believed that my drinking was a 'symptom'. Just beneath that belief was the addict's quiet voice saying "yeah... exactly... so, you know; just work those things out and we can keep right on drinking."

So it led me to various beliefs like "I just need to be sure I'm aware of WHY I'm drinking". Or, "I just need to not drink for the wrong reasons". Or, "As long as I've got myself in BALANCE, drinking's no big deal".

Turns out that for me, maybe sometimes my drinking changed depending on various other issues. Maybe HOW I was drinking was symptomatic of other things... but really; I was drinking because I liked to drink. I was drinking to FEEL GOOD. I was drinking to chase the buzz and be like the others and feel that addicted me kick in.

I have learned that a lot of those underlying things that I thought alcohol was a symptom of actually sort of go away after a while in sobriety. It was in many ways a cycle. Drink - feel like crap for the impact of drinking - drink again - let other things go - let people down - feel worse - drink more....

After a while it all gets mixed together like a shaken gin and tonic. What's the cause? what's the symptom? Turns out, it doesnt matter. Take alcohol out of the equation and things get better. Add alcohol back into the equation - things get worse.

For me, it turned out that my life is just better in sobriety.

Your comments sound very similar to my own thinking for quite some time. I hope that you find strength and support to give sobriety a real chance and see what joy it brings.

LDT

When I quit I thought I had lost my lover and my best friend. I could not wrap my brain around the "forever" word. It seemed impossible....unattainable. I'm now just over 20 months sober and going strong.....one day at a time. Find out what works for you and take it in baby steps. Don't think about forever, just grab today.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum mystified!!

MIRecovery

I Agee your life is over at least your drinking life. There is an incredibly good sober life that you need to discover. Recovery does not happen by accident. Staying sober is all about action. It is what you do that counts. All the thinking in the world will not keep you from drinking. If we stay the same and only remove alcohol we are destined to fail.

I went to AA, got a new circle of friends, went to counseling, read recovery materal, sought out sober activities, reconnected with my spirituality, helped others just to name a few.

Yes your life is over but there is another one that is so much better

Nonsensical

Instant and FreeOwl already said it, but it bears repeating. Not everyone drinks for a reason other than to satisfy their addiction to alcohol. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what was really going on, when the truth of the matter was that persistent alcohol use made me addicted to it.

My thought process was this:
- Alcohol is causing problems for me
- I still want to drink
- Therefore, I must have some deeper issues

In reality the addiction puts the desire there regardless of what else is going on in your life.

Deal with your addiction. If you have additional issues they will surface when you are sober and you can deal with them then.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Fly N Buy

I wish someone shared this with me many, many years ago.....
If you are willing, listen to this guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya-GRAJXgSo

peace

DefconOne

I felt the same way. 'The Call of the Bottle' is like a siren song, I hear it every day. Sometimes strong, sometimes faint, like jungle drums it beats constantly. I'm still not committed to stop drinking long term. I reserve the right to start again and I might....But today I've decided to stay sober again and wake up feeling good on Sept 1. One day at a time. What's your decision today?

VikingGF

Like instant says- it isn't always about a deep-seated problem. Of course, drinking can CAUSE those problems, and they may need to be worked out, but I stopped and most of my issues turned out to be superficial and worked out rather easily. I just made them gigantic in my drinking mind.

Stopping leads to its own rewards, get some sober time and you will be astonished at how you lived your life WHILE drinking.

Use this site as a resource and you will find answers to most of your questions, camaraderie and support. It's a great place.

MariahGayle

Glad you are here Mystified