50 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
50 days
I guess I've reached 50 days although I didn't know until VikingGF mentioned it.
How did I spend the day? I connected with my 11-yr-old daughter. My son was at a party and my other daughter was out with dad. Suddenly it was just my 11-yr-old and me. I realized I have not been there for her. I helped blow dry her hair and we looked at things that interested her on the internet.
At first, I realized, she was standing behind me while I sat in my cuddler chair. I said, wait, you can sit down here as well, I can't see you. 10 minutes later she was lying next to me cuddling into me, resting her head on my shoulder while we looked at things of interest to her on the internet.
We went to a deli and bought dinner as it was only the two of us, no reason to cook. We went home and ate dinner and talked. Like I've never done this. She is the quiet one. My son and youngest are loud and overpower her. She's 11 and I only now realized how much she needs mommy time.
When I was drinking, the ones who got my attention were the kids who demanded it. The quiet child, who never demands, well she got nothing. She is such a soft and gentle child. I feel so bad as I could tell she has been yearning for attention for a long time. A couple times in the chaos of the past 4 years, I found her crying in her room. I can't go back. I am glad she has her mom back.
How did I spend the day? I connected with my 11-yr-old daughter. My son was at a party and my other daughter was out with dad. Suddenly it was just my 11-yr-old and me. I realized I have not been there for her. I helped blow dry her hair and we looked at things that interested her on the internet.
At first, I realized, she was standing behind me while I sat in my cuddler chair. I said, wait, you can sit down here as well, I can't see you. 10 minutes later she was lying next to me cuddling into me, resting her head on my shoulder while we looked at things of interest to her on the internet.
We went to a deli and bought dinner as it was only the two of us, no reason to cook. We went home and ate dinner and talked. Like I've never done this. She is the quiet one. My son and youngest are loud and overpower her. She's 11 and I only now realized how much she needs mommy time.
When I was drinking, the ones who got my attention were the kids who demanded it. The quiet child, who never demands, well she got nothing. She is such a soft and gentle child. I feel so bad as I could tell she has been yearning for attention for a long time. A couple times in the chaos of the past 4 years, I found her crying in her room. I can't go back. I am glad she has her mom back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: bay area
Posts: 59
Your post made me tear up. I have 4 kids and I know exactly what you mean. Argh, mom guilt is the worst. Tuning in at 11 is still wonderful, though. These next years are when she's really going to need you most.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 127
Congrats on 50 days. Thanks for sharing.
My two kids are a little older. 13 and 15. I have given them emotional scars that will remain forever. I so wish that I could take those years back. But, I can't. But, even in this very early stage of my sobriety, I can see and sense that they appreciate what I'm doing and they are being supportive. I'm being healed by them more than I'm healing them. I'm so blessed for that. I hope that in time, I can heal their wounds even just a little bit.
pakman
My two kids are a little older. 13 and 15. I have given them emotional scars that will remain forever. I so wish that I could take those years back. But, I can't. But, even in this very early stage of my sobriety, I can see and sense that they appreciate what I'm doing and they are being supportive. I'm being healed by them more than I'm healing them. I'm so blessed for that. I hope that in time, I can heal their wounds even just a little bit.
pakman
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Your post brought tears to my eyes as well. We can't go back and fix our mistakes, all we have is the present, and you have given your daughter a beautiful day to remember with her mom. My daughters are 12 & 16. I have such regret over certain times in their life where things are a blur and I know it was because I was drinking too much. I try not to dwell on it, just be the best mother I can be right now and show them I love them and they can count on me.
And 50 days is amazing
And 50 days is amazing
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