Busybee1

Hi there, I'm a newbie to this site. A bit about me - I'm a 31yr old female, and it is time to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic, I've recognised for a long time now that I have a problem with alcohol, but I haven't accepted that I'm an alcoholic. Binge drinking is my problem, and has been since I was 16 or 17. I don't need alcohol to get me through the week, and can happily go out for dinner with my partner and have a glass or two of wine...however, work drinks or weekend drinks with friends too often end in embarrassing and potentially dangerous blowouts and blackouts - what was kind of funny in my early 20s, is not any longer, and it is impacting on my relationship - my partner is rightly concerned when I go for drinks - and sometimes I can drink responsibly, and things will be fine for a few months, and then I have another blowout - last night I went out for work drinks, after crashing over and smacking my head on the dance floor my workmates put me in a cab home, I threw up on myself in the cab and was mortified (also significantly out of pocket) - my partner was horrified when I stumbled in and hasn't really spoken to me today.

I am so ashamed that I cannot drink responsibly, and have so often put myself in danger. It is like something clicks in me and I can't stop drinking - always heading to the bar for another round. Our company has a big drinking culture, and I have avoided work drinks for a long time (after another, worse blowout), however I feel that I am missing out on building relationships with my coworkers. I recognise that I use alcohol as a social crutch, as I have social anxiety issues - it's time for me to deal with it now before it wrecks my relationship or something awful happens to me when I'm smashed.

Hevyn

Welcome Busybee! It's great to have you join us.

I knew at 31 that I was in danger - but I did nothing. Just kept on trying to control what I drank, with disastrous results. Over 20 years later my life was in shambles. So much pain & misery never needed to happen. You are doing such a good thing for yourself by joining here and reclaiming your life before something bad happens. Be proud of yourself.

pinklinzangel

you're brave, well done. im new too, mine was every day drinking wine after work, im 32. had a big night out tues got hammered, had a few weds eve, then got up thurs and fancied a wine, so I had one. (have never ever done this before) and got alcohol poisoning, has terrified me into trying to sober. Im 2 days in. good luck to you :-) im terrified! I like you, have been part of a drinking culture for over 10 years, this is really going to change life.

Soberwolf

Welcome busy bee kudos my friend on recognising and having the bravery to admit it

Your not alone a lot of ppl at different stages of recovery all with different opinions and helpful advice

Were all here for you good luck keep posting

You can do it

There's a 24h thread in the forum that is designed specifically for what your going through

Have you considered an aa mtn ?

Hope2014

Welcome busy bee. It's best to stop now before more happens. I am now 40 but knew at your age that I had a problem, but did nothing about it and now a decade later, I'm older, lost $, friends, relationships, countless embarrassments and worst of all my self respect. It will only get worse if you don't stop. If your worst fear scenario hasn't happened, just add the word yet, because it will progressively get worse and harder as you get older. The good news is that you are aware and seems that you want to put an end to it. I'm back at day 1 too. It's a great support group here. Welcome

Busybee1

Thank you all for your posts - I really appreciate it. Talked things through with my partner - and have set myself some rules. I know there are some situations I will just have to avoid altogether. After work drinks being the key one, until I get to a stage where I can handle joining them for drinks, but sticking to the lemonades!

I think this has been a big wake up call for me - I had sort of hoped that as I got older I would grow out of my irresponsible drinking - but when I seriously think about it, I've probably been getting worse - I don't go on benders as frequently - but I had started drinking by myself in the last couple of years - say, if my partner was out with friends to watch sport and I was just at home alone. I can see now that age isn't going to improve the situation - and if I don't act now it will probably get worse.

Many thanks for sharing your stories. I'm going to start working my way through some of the advice on here.

Busybee1

Hi Soberwolf - I'm still figuring my way out around the site - do you know what the name/title of that forum is?

FreeOwl

you sound just like me....

plenty of 'evidence' that I 'can drink like a normal person'.

Interspersed with awful binges....

The bottom line for me is that when I allow ANY alcohol in my life, eventually I allow too much alcohol in my life.

Here's the good news; I'm over 8 months sober after finally deciding that I want my life to be more than that.

And it just keeps getting better and better.

Welcome!

Gronk

Hey Busybee.........those occasional drinking alone when he's out quickly moves to drinking alone.....when he's in. Happened to me.

I Just had one of those "aha" moments a month ago. I avoided an afterwork thing on Friday. Maybe I'll make the next one, or the one after that.

Anyway, sound like you have your plan started already, for now just avoid those situations that cause the problems.

~Lia~

Busybee, I can relate to your story so much. The blackouts never stop, they happen more frequently with little to no warning.

Good luck to you and know you're not alone

Busybee1

Thanks Freeowl and Gronk. I am still struggling with the idea of giving up all alcohol completely. Like you Freeowl - most of the time I can drink quite normally - however, there always seems to be another embarrassing bender hiding around the corner somewhere.

I think I know what the answer is, I'm just not ready to accept it yet. I'm thinking about setting myself a sober month challenge to start with - to see if I can cut all alcohol out for a whole month (something I haven't consciously done with success to date).

Nowsthetime

I relate too! I'm a 34 yr old female. I decided to stop forever March 16th of this year. The only regret I have is not doing it before. It sounds like you know that you have a problem and that trying to moderate doesn't work, your next step is making that decision. It took me years to decide to stop after I knew I had a problem. Same as you, binge drinker. But now that I know that I will not drink again it is easier. I do not go to AA, but I read here everyday.

Hope to see you around.

Hope2014

I think it's great to abstain for a month, but I can tell you from personal failed experiences that planning moderation is delaying the inevitable of stopping completely. I hope that after a month, you chose to stay away longer. I too tried to moderate after a month and the withdrawals and anxiety got worse with each attempt. I think learning to accept that moderation won't work is the key to winning this battle. I'm not going to give up, because I know it's possible.

~Lia~

Each blackout caused weeks and months of misery for me. Then I started blacking out 3-4 times per month so I was living in constant turmoil. Knowing my next blackout was right around the corner, still not over the one that just happened, it was a never ending cycle. I am 34 and can tell you, it only gets worse.

Tried bargaining with myself for way too long. I will only drink light beer, only 2 glasses of wine, no shots, nothing worked.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Tang

Welcome. My company also has a big drinking culture. It definitely makes it tougher but can be done. Sending well wishes from across the pond.

least

Welcome! The 24 hour recovery connections thread is in Daily Support forum. You just post once a day to commit to another day sober.

sc277

Hi! I am new as well here. Today is my first day sober "this time around." I feel like we have similar stories - I drink often, but blackout or get sick around once a week. I don't drink in the morning, and if I really want to I can go a day without drinking pretty easily.... but I've noticed slowly but surely it's progressing and getting more difficult. I want so badly to control my drinking when I go out with friends specifically. Instead of pounding hard liquor all night I wish I could have "a few" like I do sometimes (even though that's gotten harder.) I tried all last week. But when I consume 10 beverages after telling myself 2 when I'm out with friends... Constantly.., I know that I'm losing control. Im realizing I no longer have the option to drink casually or safely. And i deny it everyday. Buy it takes time to make a decision to stay sober. But like everyone keeps saying... Things will catch up to us. I'm glad you have taken a first step in knowing your habits are problematic. That's the hardest...good luck with everything, I'm right there with you!

VikingGF

Welcome to all the newbies on this thread!

Leeloo

hey busybee and welcome..

Wow, I could have written that post, it's uncanny! London, work drinks on the weekend, constantly back at the bar, black outs, injuring myself, unhappy partner.. all of it.

Join the Class of August 2014 Thread! I'll see you there...