birddog406

I just woke up from a nap. My head was still foggy from my Thursday night binge so I took a long nap. Feeling a little better physically, but beating myself up mentally. More like kicking the crap out of myself mentally. I have lost two full days of life trying to recover from Thursday. I have been down this road every week for the last 6 years. Counting sober days for me is a little weird because I only drink on Thursdays, but I go alll out on Thursday and then I can't function for two days. By Sunday I feel well and on Monday I will be good to go - I eat well, practice yoga and sleep well. Then on Thursday mornings I wake up and say "yes, I can have a drink today", so I actually count the hours until I can have that "drink". I really, really do this. I am kind of a fraud when it comes to counting yesterday and today as a sober days, because I can't even think about drinking, the real test will come on Thursday, and I can tell you right now that I do not trust myself at all. I will feel really good on Thursday, rested and healthly and I will say "only two glasses of Processco", but Processco tastes so good and makes me so happy that I drink the whole bottle and walk over to the wine shop and get another. I do not keep Processco in my house, it would not stand a chance - I am sure I would start drinking on Monday as well. I will continue to count the days and hope and pray that the days turn into weeks, months and years because as a once a week binge drinking alcoholic I need to see more progress than just days. If I am able to post sober time this Friday, I will feel like part of this team that I have so much respect and admiration for.

brach123

hi birddog, I feel for you, I used to be a daily drinker but in between sober spells I have had the occasional binge which has wiped me out badly. I know the the feeling of it taking a week to feel better again and the self loathing that can go on in that time. The mental torment really can be hell. Anyway have you considered what you can change to make things easier/better? Could you change your routine for when you are most vulnerable? Have you considered trying AA? perhaps try a meeting on Thursday when you usually drink? also keeping connected on these forums and reading the threads daily is helping me. All the best to you!

Dee74

Hi Birddog - that was my routine for many years, only with beer.

It's never to late to change things around and erite a new chapter in the story of your life.

I found SR a great help to me when that 'I can drink again day' came around.
Use the support here. Really reach out.

Check out the Class of August support thread too

Think about changing your routine on Thursday too - do different things...and above all don't buy another bottle.

It's not likely to be fun, but change is possible for all of us

D

birddog406

Brach, All day I have been thinking about what I am going to do to distract myself on Thursday, and attending a meeting is an option. After Thursday passes, each day will become a bigger challenge, because I am going to feel like I owe myself a drink. I know this because it has happened before. I need to keep myself busy in the evenings and hold myself accountable, so I plan to go back to AA. I was sober once for 40 days and then I visited a friend of mine in London. She wanted to sample the drink that put me in AA - it was a Champagne cocktail. I joined her and now I am back to square one. There has to be a time when you know in your heart that this time you mean it...I hope I am there.

birddog406

D, you are so right. It won't be fun. That's the thing it's never fun, but I keep thinking there is fun at the bottom of one of those bottles. Ugh. Thank you for the ideas, I will follow through on them.

Anne

Leeloo

Reminds me of me. although my days were normally Friday and then one more day early in the week, and beer rather than Prosecco (that stuff was like instant cab ride home for me, haha). Definitely used to losing 2 days a week at least to getting over a heavy night.

it's crazy when you think about how much time that adds up to.

Maybe make some non-drinking plans for next Thursday? Seeing a movie with a friend or something? I'll be keeping an eye out for your post next Friday. You got this!

brach123

yes we are extremely good at deceiving ourselves! I am the same that many many times I have told myself I am going to enjoy getting drunk despite not doing so for a long time. It's a lie and I'm not listening to it anymore, in fact I don't believe it, it has made me extremely miserable. Also we miss out so much more when we drink than by not drinking and the truth is the only things we miss by not drinking are lots of negative consequences.

I hope you find a meeting this Thursday or put something else in place, I'm doing similar things to break the cycle and move forward. All the best.

birddog406

I just read a post by someone who has been sober for awhile and she said she ate ice cream today. That sounds amazing. I am nuts, I will drink 2 bottles of Prosseco in one night, but I would never allow myself to eat ice cream. Thursday's plans now include ice cream - that is something to look forward to.

birddog406

Thank you so much Leelo. My palms are sweating at the thought of letting myself down and now I have someone to whom I am accountable. I hope I do not let you down.

Leeloo

haha, was that my post? or was there someone else indulging in ice cream today as well? i highly recommend this beautiful cold sugary goodness

Don't worry, sweaty palms have often led to strengthened resolve...

Soberwolf

Just a simple msg saying good luck you can do this

Your worth more than a bottle/can of booze

happyandfree

I totally believe in the power of ice cream. ....get yourself something wonderful for Thursday night, birddog....like butter pecan, cherry garcia or whatever your favorite is. Or go out to one of those serve yourself frozen yogurt places with all the toppings. The sugar helps keep cravings at bay, and it is such a treat that you will enjoy it more than procecco (sp?). It is pure indulge and will get you through the beginning weeks.

birddog406

It may have been your post. The person went hiking and then had ice cream. It sounded like a great day. Can't wait to get to that point.