Catareta

Hi there - I am 29 years old and have entered a relationship with a lovely man, I cherish and adore but he has an issue with alcohol.. it was worse before we met and now we have now moved in together.

He started having gastric issues whilst at college (did not get further help except A&E as college nurse sent us there) but he has nerve issues - pins and needles, lightheadedness and loss of appetite. The GP has run bloods but suspects neuropathy but unsure if Alcohol or Thyroid (as strong family history). He has now to have an urgent ultrasound.. he is concerned it is stomach cancer as his granddad had it...

He has now mentioned other symptoms.. but now drinking more to cope with the stress :/

I don't know what to do...

ladyscribbler

So your boyfriend is having alcohol related health problems and is drinking more to cope with the stress these alcohol related health problems are causing. That seems crazy to me, but I am not an alcoholic.
Some alcoholics will sober up after a health scare, but many more do not.
I know you feel like you want to help him or that there is something you should be able to do for him, but there really isn't
He is going to choose to keep drinking or not. You can choose if this is the kind of life you want.

NWGRITS

You're only 29. There's so much more life to be lived with a sober, happy, healthy partner. Is this really how you want to spend even the next five years? Because there's nothing you can do to make him see the light. Really.

Catareta

He admits he wants to reduce - wish coulld help him more. The medical problems could be unrelated (but don't think so). I recovered from an eating disorder and know it can be hard.
Generally we are happy - starting a new life etc.. Thankfully I work part time - and have control over the finances except his benefits.

NWGRITS

An alcoholic can't "reduce" their drinking. This is an all-or-nothing deal. He quits completely, or it will get worse. Given his current medical state, I'd say he's been at this a long time and isn't willing to give it up any time soon. This is as good as it's ever going to be. Think about that for a minute. Unless HE chooses to abstain completely from alcohol for the rest of his life, this is as good as it'll ever be. You still have time to start a new life with someone who hasn't already done a bang-up job of killing themselves prematurely. Read the stickies at the top of this forum and educate yourself about the disease. You should be more than "generally happy" with the person you may want to make a life partner. You should be head-over-held happy with them.

FWIW, my mother has been an alcoholic since she was 21. That's longer than I've been alive, by a lot. She's seen a ton of health scares. Still drinks, doesn't care. I haven't talked to her in two years, and my childhood is something I'd like to have erased from my memory. Is this what you want for your future children? Just a little something to chew on while you're getting oriented with the site and its wealth of information.

honeypig

Hi, Catareta. Welcome to SR. I hope you find the help you need here.

You say you're wondering what to do. Well, coming here is a good first step. Educating yourself about alcoholism and what you can and can't do about it is the place to start. Reading as much as you can here, making sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page, will help you get an overview. This thread might be especially helpful to you as a newcomer: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Alanon may also be really helpful for you in terms of both education and face-to-face support. The combination of SR and Alanon has done so much for me, and I'd really recommend it.

You certainly don't have to decide right this minute what to do or not do, but please do keep on coming here to read and post. As you learn more, you'll become much more clear about what path to take.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

Fathom

Hi catareta! Just chiming in with another welcome for you! I think you are in the right place to start learning a lot about alcoholism. I think you'll find it comes with extra complications beyond other addictions because they are addicted to a mind-altering substance. It's hard to comprehend just what that means until you see it in action for yourself. But, please be careful moving forward in this relationship, and never lose sight of taking care of your needs first. This is so easy to do while trying to "help" an alcoholic... The irony is it isn't helpful at all.

Stick around!
Fathom