Alphabet

... sorry, I had too

It's been 28 days since my last drink today and in my bones I am proud of myself, but I'm still not... "happy". At all. I understand PAWS, and I understand that I'm now allowing my mind and body to actually feel for the first time in a very long time, but this feeling doesn't seem normal. I can't find joy in anything, not one single thing I have tried. Things that I used to enjoy, or even just put a smile on my face. I'm cranky as all get out nd otherwise... numb. I've made the decision that while I may not be dealing with bi-polar, I am clearly dealing with some sort of depression outside of just my addiction. Not really a surprise; why did I get hooked on booze in the first place, right? Underlying issues. This familiar feeling of despair, just existing without really living, could eventually lead me to drink again. Of course I don't want that to happen, so I'm going to talk with my doctor about going back on medication to deal with this.

I'm sure a lot of you are in, or have been in a similar situation and really I just needed to vent. Life is otherwise good; school starts Tuesday for me and I'm surrounded by people who love me and are proud of me. Just need help getting out of this rut.

trachemys

Sobriety zombie, huh?

Go see your doctor. A mild-antidepressant has done me a world of good.

Alphabet

Yeah, I think that's what I need. And I didn't even realize how appropriate my title was until you mentioned it! I have absolutely been feeling like a "sobriety zombie" haha

mfanch

When I took the alcohol out of my body, my life came rushing back in like slamming on brakes in a car with a bunch of sh1t in the back. All that crap came flying forward into my lap. Also, me without alcohol/drugs in my body made for one irritable, dicontented, and restless person.

I made a plan and stuck to the plan. My plan was multi-faceted and included medication at first. It also included activities that would help me act my way into correct thinking and correct being. My brain needed to be rewired. Until I did that, I was going to continue to feel like poo.

Give time, time. It is well worth the effort. Glad you are here.

Keeping it in the day

One of the most telling symptoms of depression is a loss of enjoyment in life and not having any spark. I have suffered from it for most of my life and know that it has to be managed somehow or you just keep on suffering. As people have suggested an anti depressant may be the way forward but just learning more about it and what to guard against may help s great deal. I have recently taken to lying in bed all day on my days off. I am seeing the doctor next week as I think I need a change of medication. Try not to isolate and go out and do stuff, even if you feel like ####. It doesn't have to be huge. Maybe just buying a new item of clothing or the ingredients for a nice meal and then cooking for family or friends. Doing things for others can also help. I used to do voluntary work for meals on wheels. Take care, Jude

Alphabet

Thank you all.

I feel it's almost a blessing in disguise that I've dealt with a lot of mental health issues both in my mom and myself. I've researched, talked with countless therapists, and gave been on medication in the past and at that time I did feel like I was a functioning member of society, able to enjoy things. I'm very much looking forward to putting a plan in action with my doctor and as she suggested last time, it will likely involve a low dosage antidepressant.

I do have plans with friends tonight and while I anticipate drinking around me, I'll be with another sober friend and my very supportive boyfriend, so I'm not worried about that.

Now to do my hair, make up, and put on something jazzy and try to enjoy the day.

Dee74

Congrats on 28 days Alphabet

It actually took me a fair while before I felt happy, and a little longer than that to trust that feeling.

I beat my mind and body up pretty good for decades - you might be surprised what a little time and TLC can do Alphabet

D

Hevyn

I know how you feel Alphabet. I was that way too for awhile. I was resentful & felt I was missing out. As time went on I began to come out into the sun once again. Life got so much better, and I felt hope & joy - but in a different way.

Glad you wanted to talk about it. You're not alone.