Found this and copied it for you
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Found this and copied it for you
there is a you
i remember
that many today
may not see
there is a you
that i will love
because love remains love
i knew you
and somehow
through it all
i know you still
there behind
the hideous mask
of alcoholism
that you wear
as one
with a sweet caring soul
a generous spirit
a gregarious smile
a quest to share joy
with open heart
when drinking
was something
everybody did
you drank different
from
the very beginning
and you continue
to drink
in the face
of all conclusion
that it is more than just
a casual social affair...
i accepted on faith
the promises of change
to better days
and then watched
you increase
your consumption
of alcohol
drowning
all our hopes and dreams
i railed
against the injustice
and i cried out
against the hopelessness
and i grew numb listening
to another skillfully woven lie
and i beat my fists
against the sky
arguing with
what i thought
was a silent God
while you put into question
the sanity of MY demeanor
acting as if
nothing was wrong
that i was
over-wrought
and
over-reacting
to imagined realities
you didn't see
till my spirit
felt like
it was going
to shatter
into irreparable pieces
as you questioned
the sanity
of my responses to you
I kept
asking myself
How did we get here?
How do we get out?
(c)1998 Dalene Entenmann
Detachment
How did we get here? How do we get out?
by Dalene Entenmann
Detachment is about knowing you are not the cause of, nor the cure for, another person's addictions. Detachment is about knowing that you can care about someone without taking care of them in inappropriate ways that prevent that person from also becoming a responsible person. Detachment is about knowing what we have the power to change and what we do not have the power to change. Detachment is having the courage to change the things we can and seeking the wisdom to know the difference. Detachment is about not knowing what the future holds and having the comfort of knowing who holds the future.
The family and friends affected by someone else's drinking are, and have always been, some of the most remarkably loving and lovable human beings among us. Common is a deeply developed sense of commitment, selflessness, empathy, compassion, tenacity, determination, a wisdom of the heart, courage in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles, an immeasurably universal strength of goodness and the ability to see the capacity for goodness in others.
And they retain these, the highest quality of human characteristics, despite a disease that, often times, renders them helpless and full of despair. Which is stunning if you consider the eroding devastation that alcoholism brings into lives affected by the disease of addiction.
At first, detachment can sound like an odd concept and in direct conflict with these qualities of humanness. It is not. Detachment is what will loosen the grip and render powerless a disease that acts like an opportunistic spiritual predator that takes goodness and twists it to serve its own corrupted purposes.
Detachment is about being able to go and stay, at the same time. It is having the wisdom not to jump in the water with a drowning man to keep him from drowning but throwing him a line to grab onto so that he can pull himself to the safety of the shoreline.
I met a woman at an AA/Al-Anon speakers meeting, who, after 25 years of marriage to a man who drank to excess on a daily basis, finally said Enough is enough. Enough of my failed attempts to affect positive change. Enough of my internalizing my husband's drinking problem. Enough of thrashing around out here in the deep waters with him. I am not going to save him this way and we are both going to drown. She swam to the shores of Al-Anon. The years of anger, bitterness, resentment and disappointment began to dry up and evaporate. She felt a lightness of being. She began to feel joy and hope. She told me, I stopped saying anything to him about his drinking. I simply left my literature and books about Al-Anon and AA laying around the house. I stopped cleaning up after his drinking episodes. I stopped rescuing him from the consequences of his drinking. I adopted the attitude that if his drinking got him into a mess he could get himself back out of it. I stopped making excuses for him. If the children asked, Where is dad I simply said, You will have to ask him when you see him. I don't know the exact reasons. If someone called the house asking after him because he was a no show I answered the same way. I don't know, he will have to explain it. I stopped making plans that hinged on his being there. I began to create a life around him and at the same time made sure that he knew about it if he wished to be a part of it. I learned to treat him with the same respect and kindness I would give to even a stranger. I stopped reacting to the negativity with anything other than a positive response and became active in my own life. I started to remember the dreams I had left behind so long ago and decided to resurrect some of them. I realized I could make many of my dreams come true. I discovered joy and serenity. It was wonderful.
Two years later her husband began his recovery in AA. On the day I talked to her, they had over twenty years of recovery from the disease of alcoholism.
Detachment is not apathetic to the suffering of another nor does it mean walking away from a drowning man. Detachment is the lifeguard training in spiritual rescue.
i remember
that many today
may not see
there is a you
that i will love
because love remains love
i knew you
and somehow
through it all
i know you still
there behind
the hideous mask
of alcoholism
that you wear
as one
with a sweet caring soul
a generous spirit
a gregarious smile
a quest to share joy
with open heart
when drinking
was something
everybody did
you drank different
from
the very beginning
and you continue
to drink
in the face
of all conclusion
that it is more than just
a casual social affair...
i accepted on faith
the promises of change
to better days
and then watched
you increase
your consumption
of alcohol
drowning
all our hopes and dreams
i railed
against the injustice
and i cried out
against the hopelessness
and i grew numb listening
to another skillfully woven lie
and i beat my fists
against the sky
arguing with
what i thought
was a silent God
while you put into question
the sanity of MY demeanor
acting as if
nothing was wrong
that i was
over-wrought
and
over-reacting
to imagined realities
you didn't see
till my spirit
felt like
it was going
to shatter
into irreparable pieces
as you questioned
the sanity
of my responses to you
I kept
asking myself
How did we get here?
How do we get out?
(c)1998 Dalene Entenmann
Detachment
How did we get here? How do we get out?
by Dalene Entenmann
Detachment is about knowing you are not the cause of, nor the cure for, another person's addictions. Detachment is about knowing that you can care about someone without taking care of them in inappropriate ways that prevent that person from also becoming a responsible person. Detachment is about knowing what we have the power to change and what we do not have the power to change. Detachment is having the courage to change the things we can and seeking the wisdom to know the difference. Detachment is about not knowing what the future holds and having the comfort of knowing who holds the future.
The family and friends affected by someone else's drinking are, and have always been, some of the most remarkably loving and lovable human beings among us. Common is a deeply developed sense of commitment, selflessness, empathy, compassion, tenacity, determination, a wisdom of the heart, courage in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles, an immeasurably universal strength of goodness and the ability to see the capacity for goodness in others.
And they retain these, the highest quality of human characteristics, despite a disease that, often times, renders them helpless and full of despair. Which is stunning if you consider the eroding devastation that alcoholism brings into lives affected by the disease of addiction.
At first, detachment can sound like an odd concept and in direct conflict with these qualities of humanness. It is not. Detachment is what will loosen the grip and render powerless a disease that acts like an opportunistic spiritual predator that takes goodness and twists it to serve its own corrupted purposes.
Detachment is about being able to go and stay, at the same time. It is having the wisdom not to jump in the water with a drowning man to keep him from drowning but throwing him a line to grab onto so that he can pull himself to the safety of the shoreline.
I met a woman at an AA/Al-Anon speakers meeting, who, after 25 years of marriage to a man who drank to excess on a daily basis, finally said Enough is enough. Enough of my failed attempts to affect positive change. Enough of my internalizing my husband's drinking problem. Enough of thrashing around out here in the deep waters with him. I am not going to save him this way and we are both going to drown. She swam to the shores of Al-Anon. The years of anger, bitterness, resentment and disappointment began to dry up and evaporate. She felt a lightness of being. She began to feel joy and hope. She told me, I stopped saying anything to him about his drinking. I simply left my literature and books about Al-Anon and AA laying around the house. I stopped cleaning up after his drinking episodes. I stopped rescuing him from the consequences of his drinking. I adopted the attitude that if his drinking got him into a mess he could get himself back out of it. I stopped making excuses for him. If the children asked, Where is dad I simply said, You will have to ask him when you see him. I don't know the exact reasons. If someone called the house asking after him because he was a no show I answered the same way. I don't know, he will have to explain it. I stopped making plans that hinged on his being there. I began to create a life around him and at the same time made sure that he knew about it if he wished to be a part of it. I learned to treat him with the same respect and kindness I would give to even a stranger. I stopped reacting to the negativity with anything other than a positive response and became active in my own life. I started to remember the dreams I had left behind so long ago and decided to resurrect some of them. I realized I could make many of my dreams come true. I discovered joy and serenity. It was wonderful.
Two years later her husband began his recovery in AA. On the day I talked to her, they had over twenty years of recovery from the disease of alcoholism.
Detachment is not apathetic to the suffering of another nor does it mean walking away from a drowning man. Detachment is the lifeguard training in spiritual rescue.
a work in progress
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Cobourg, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 54
Ask and you shall recieve 
I can just picture MG wiggling her nose and putting all these jems infront of me. Thanks hun,
HUGS
<img border="0" alt="[Jump]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/jump.gif" />
Mysty
I can just picture MG wiggling her nose and putting all these jems infront of me. Thanks hun,
HUGS
<img border="0" alt="[Jump]" title="" src="graemlins/../graemlins/jump.gif" />
Mysty
Member
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Southern KY
Posts: 53
Detachment is about being able to go and stay, at the same time. It is having the wisdom not to jump in the water with a drowning man to keep him from drowning but throwing him a line to grab onto so that he can pull himself to the safety of the shoreline.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
You are truley a Angel MG! Or should I say a Saint!
You always know the best times to bring things to the top.
Thank you so much for doing this. I never got the chance to see this one before and it is just perfect for my situation as well as many I persume.
Thanks again, We Love you!!!
matters
You always know the best times to bring things to the top.
Thank you so much for doing this. I never got the chance to see this one before and it is just perfect for my situation as well as many I persume.
Thanks again, We Love you!!!
matters
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Thought-provoking and brilliant: thank you!
A wonderful message on how to detach with love. I intend to read this message often, particularly when I find myself being pulled into the vortex of my AH's latest binge. THANKS!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Reaching for the Rainbow
Posts: 45
Nothing is added to us when we merely change a residence, profession, or spouse. It is like a man stranded on a lonely island who seeks self-betterment by moving his camp to the opposite side of the island. The scenery may be different, but he is still as stranded.
MG, you are so on time!
All the time!
Thank you!
It makes you remember, that no matter where you go...
you still take you, with you.
MG, you are so on time!
All the time!
Thank you!
It makes you remember, that no matter where you go...
you still take you, with you.
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