1newcreation

I'm powerless over alc, my name is 1new. It's an honor & privilege to be here to share my ESH. First I give God all the glory to being sober


Step one: Didn't know I was powerless until consequences started really badly. Brief history is I'm oldest of four boys & from very beginning didn't fit anywhere. Wasnt in the "in crowd" & so withdrew from others. Mum passed when I was six while dad was workaholic. He provided food, shelter etc but never heard those three words a parent tells a child even to this day.
My first taste was beer as kid & spat it coz disgusted me. Fast forward to college where drank a 40 every nite in dorms with everyone else.

After graduating got married after knocked up girl that thot I loved but only did out of fear. That was biggest mistake & that defined unmanageability in truest sense Hence didnt purse masters but settled for regular jobs. Then got house & two more kids out of fear.

Step two: was raised in denomination where it was just church on Sundays which we rarely attended coz dad did not care about faith matters & work was priority. So in high school after hearing the Word preached, gave my heart to The Lord. But only served Him when it was convenient for me. Continued drinking but in apr-nov 08 went dry. I still don't know exactly why I did, but something I guess inside me told me that the way I was living wasn't right. The ex pissed me off, had an argument(still don't know bout what till today) & went drank myself silly.

My first hint of being restored to sanity was when realised how dishonest I was. Thot white lies are ok but I can't be dishonest & stay sober. Sponsor used to say all the time, John u gotta be honest. Liscense was suspended & coz I wanted to go to work but ex had my car so decided to drive a buddy's & was rear ended in pile up. Even tho twasnt my fault, drove away but cops found me @ work.

Remember now this whole time I'm a dry drunk. Was constantly arguing & character defects were in full mode especially @ home. Started going to 3 or 4 mtgs/day coz couldn't stand listening to her.

Got 1st dwi may 09 & swore off booze! But upon release @ home, ex offered me wine & drank it coz didnt know what else to do.
Nov 09 had terrible wreck where it was other person's fault as I was going home from work. Was in hospital for week & couldn't walk for couple mths. Oddly enough, didnt go binge drinking over it but instead fell into huge depression. After six figure settlement, it was all gone in a year! That's insanity for me!

Later on marriage counselor suggested aa to both of us. Had never heard of it but was immediately drawn @ first mtg coz could identify with almost everyone.

Got sponsor who was a nice guy, but was having marital issues so said he couldn't be anymore. However, he didn't tell me to get another one or anyone to sponsor me so I just went back to doing what I did best at that time. They say third times a charm well it was for me.

Step three
Decided to get serious coz tired of getting detained, being on probation & all the other nonsense that goes with it.
Eventually since couldn't go to work, house was taken, had lost both cars thru fear fully paid for.
Moved to MD as brother lives here. He's a normie & knew had this disease but doesn't quite understand it but he's proud I'm doing something about it.

Stayed sober despite two dwi's, two probabation violations, court fines etc

Everything that has a beginning has an end so will close with last three

Step 10: Sponsor told me that if I did ten every nite, there wouldn't be need to do another fourth. I start my day in prayer on knees. Ask Him to give me guidance & direction. Followed by ten things grateful for. Say Lord's, third, & full serenity prayers. It may seem a lot to some people but its not.

Before bed do review based on pg 86- was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? I'm yet to have a day where I wasn't dishonest coz of fear. Say @ least one thing I'm proud of that day

Step eleven: since I was was good @ worrying, getting to learn more meditation wasnt too hard. I make contact with God by striving to do His will everyday. Know to one is not pick up a drink & if I do that then I'm clearheaded to do the next right thing by helping someone else, doing service work, sharing at mtgs & so forth.

Step twelve: The spiritual awakening gotten doing the steps was & still is amazing. Found out fear was biggest character defect & everything else was a manifestation of it eg selfishness. Only way I overcome practicing the principals of acceptance, surrender, honesty, humility, patience, tolerance etc

Finally, I still haven't quit drinking; might do so this wknd to celebrate this great feat! But TODAY, I'm fine w/o it coz life is so much better.

Thank you for taking the time to read this & hope it helped someone.