mrsjosaphat

Hello every1 this is my 3rd post. As a matter or fact I haven't visited the page since may. How ever I have not been sober that long. I think my sobriety lasted about 3 days. So unfortunately I'm right back where I started. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't seem to learn my lesson. I guess I'm just a sucker for punishment. I absolutely hate feeling like this. It always ends the same.... TOTAL DEPRESSION!!! I just want to die. But this is just for today because by tomorrow I will have forgotten all about this ****** up feeling and how much I embarrassed myself and all the ugly things that come out my drunken mouth and I'll find myself doing it all over again. I don't even remember half the crap I did. Why do I always forget how much I hate being like this. When dear God will I learn my lesson. I hate when I humiliate myself. I don't want to even see my in-laws again in life, I don't even want to face my neighbors, how can I I'm such an embarrassment. I just wish I would go away. I hate myself.

SoberLeigh

Oh Mrsjosaphat; I am sorry that you are feeling so down.

Do you see a doctor for depression? Have you discussed your drinking with your doctor? He/she may be able to help on both counts.

You can't change the past but you can change the future. I have found that most people are willing to forgive and 'forget' with time, especially when they see a change in behaviors.

I am glad that you have decided to post again at SR. Things can get better; your future can be brighter; don't give up hope.

mrsjosaphat

Thank you so much for the feedback. I don't see anyone for my alcoholism or depression but its an awesome idea I really should

least

I see a counselor and it helps a lot, in all aspects of my life.

If you stop drinking and still feel depressed you might be clinically depressed. I'm on medicine for my depression and now that I'm sober the meds work as they should.

KDBnSLC

I'm on meds too, but I'm finding out they don't work with alcohol. Hang in there Mrsj.
I dreaded waking up in the morning to see what I had posted on Facebook during a blackout. I know EXACTLY how you feel and I think everyone else here does too. You're not alone.

mrsjosaphat

Thank KDB I needed to hear or read that its nice to know I'm not the only one who makes a complete fool of their self the only thing worse than being humiliated is being humiliated and alone.

dingodog

I feel your pain, and have felt the same way, many, many times. Its an endless, painful cycle . You are doing the 1st important step, reaching out. This is an awesome support community, and I think if you take some of the ideas, and experiences here, it will help you. I'm still trying to get it too, I've struggled for so long. There is a monthly class you could join, or a daily thread that may be helpful to you. Welcome, we are glad you are here. And drinking just keeps the depression coming, and making it worse. Don't hate yourself, its the disease you hate. But, I really can identify with the pain and hopelessness you are feeling. You are not alone here. Keep coming back, post, read.

Bubovski

I too had a ridiculously long affair with booze and drugs,
It's good that you have come back and are aware of your predicament.
Doctors, counselling, support groups, re-hab etc can all be considered.

aasharon90

I learned that we are not bad people,
just people with a sickness. When we
put toxins, poisons in our bodies, it
makes us sick sick sick. That poison
takes over our minds, body and soul.

It grows inside of us affecting every
inch of our insides, causing us to have
mental, physical, emotional, pain. Nothing
inside us is healthy. Nothing inside us
functions healthy, properly.

The more poison we continue to feed
into our bodies, it destroys our muscles,
our memory, the way our blood flows
freely thru our veins and more.

Then after the damage we've done
to our inside, we are left with a chemical
imbalance in our system.

I learned how to incoperate a recovery
program taught to me to use in my
everyday life to remain sober one day
at a time. If I need medical attention
I seek help from my physician talking
openingly and honestly with them so
I could be treated properly.

I listened, learned, absorbed and applied
many useful recovery tools and effective
suggestions by many who have paved the
road for us to follow to live sober, happy,
healthy and honest for yrs. to come.

neferkamichael

Mrsjosaphat, back, glad you are here, rootin for ya.

SoberLeigh

You are such a sweetheart, nefer.

Soberwolf

You can do this