In recovery....the relationship
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
In recovery....the relationship
Hello all:
Now that my life has some sort of normalcy, I find myself in a dilemma. Both of my young adult children are in recovery...fairly new but still I am grateful beyond words.
My husband relapsed, after 12 years of sobriety, last year for about 4 months but obsessed several months prior. Needless to say, (3) loved ones in active addiction was enough for me to handle!
Our relationship has changed since he has been sober. I guess, perhaps my expectations have changed. He is a bit better at communicating but I feel he is still emotionally immature. Let me say, he often comes first. Not all of the time. There are many wonderful qualities about him but really the difficult ones are starting to get to me. I know I am building resentment.
I find that I am a skilled communicator both by professionally and my own personal counseling. I have done the work. He hasn't.
I understand how someone with years of addiction can be emotionally immature. He was sober for 12 years and in relationships a few times. He still wants to shut down; get defensive; deny or blame.
I guess I am venting-again. We have a couples counseling appt tomorrow. Wish us luck! Would like to hear everyones input on emotional immaturity in the marriage relationship.
Now that my life has some sort of normalcy, I find myself in a dilemma. Both of my young adult children are in recovery...fairly new but still I am grateful beyond words.
My husband relapsed, after 12 years of sobriety, last year for about 4 months but obsessed several months prior. Needless to say, (3) loved ones in active addiction was enough for me to handle!
Our relationship has changed since he has been sober. I guess, perhaps my expectations have changed. He is a bit better at communicating but I feel he is still emotionally immature. Let me say, he often comes first. Not all of the time. There are many wonderful qualities about him but really the difficult ones are starting to get to me. I know I am building resentment.
I find that I am a skilled communicator both by professionally and my own personal counseling. I have done the work. He hasn't.
I understand how someone with years of addiction can be emotionally immature. He was sober for 12 years and in relationships a few times. He still wants to shut down; get defensive; deny or blame.
I guess I am venting-again. We have a couples counseling appt tomorrow. Wish us luck! Would like to hear everyones input on emotional immaturity in the marriage relationship.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I wonder how men ever recognize any emotions at all considering the way they are raised.
"Stop being a crybaby" - when they're legitimately hurt or sad.
"No one wants to hear you whine, man up."
Boys are constantly trained to have no emotion. Then they marry a woman who has been raised to think she's a princess and all the world should bow at her feet. It's a recipe for disaster in marriage.
I'm a woman and I was raised in the 70s and I have long known we are raised with very warped senses of ourselves, both male and female. In order for a man to make it in the business world, it is to his benefit to suck it up. Their real feelings are invalidated thousands of times before they reach puberty. No wonder they have absolutely no idea what feelings they are actually feeling.
Then women want them to be on the same playing field in a relationship.
We are not the same - not even close.
"Stop being a crybaby" - when they're legitimately hurt or sad.
"No one wants to hear you whine, man up."
Boys are constantly trained to have no emotion. Then they marry a woman who has been raised to think she's a princess and all the world should bow at her feet. It's a recipe for disaster in marriage.
I'm a woman and I was raised in the 70s and I have long known we are raised with very warped senses of ourselves, both male and female. In order for a man to make it in the business world, it is to his benefit to suck it up. Their real feelings are invalidated thousands of times before they reach puberty. No wonder they have absolutely no idea what feelings they are actually feeling.
Then women want them to be on the same playing field in a relationship.
We are not the same - not even close.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Txhelp 
Wish us luck!
My husband and I have been lucky enough to emotionally develop at about the same rate. It's been rough, though, when we've not been in sync.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Yes Chicory....I believe you are right. We went to our first session. I liked her. My husband participated but I could tell he was upset. He wanted to say " I don't know" but would end up responding. He told me that "we aren't going to run to a counselor for every little problem." I responded "to me this isn't little."
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