Does serenity feel uncomfortable?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 215
Does serenity feel uncomfortable?
So I just got out of a wonderful Nar-Anon meeting. I'm fairly new to the program(started attending about 3 months ago) and I really love my home group and the comfort and fellowship they have bought to my life. The topic tonight was serenity. People talked about the prayer, their personal definition of the word, the various ways and methods they have used to achieve it, etc. Through Nar-Anon and from starting therapy, I am beginning to achieve moments of serenity here and there. I was just wondering if any of you have experienced what I have when achieving moments of serenity. Sometimes when I am lucky enough to attain it, it feels almost uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel guilt, other times I find myself becoming anxious and waiting for the bottom to drop out. How could something I need and want so badly make me so uncomfortable at times???
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
when you truly find serenity....you will know. at 3 months of meeting attendance, not having worked the steps, serenity is a ways away still.
while AA did not corner the market on Serenity, I believe the Promises as written in the AA Big Book describes it best....Chapter Six, Into Action - it comes directly after the discussion about step 9, making amends:
THE PROMISES
The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
THE A.A. PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
while AA did not corner the market on Serenity, I believe the Promises as written in the AA Big Book describes it best....Chapter Six, Into Action - it comes directly after the discussion about step 9, making amends:
THE PROMISES
The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
THE A.A. PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Change is uncomfortable and when one is living and dealing with chaos for long, the silence is uncomfortable. There is some anxiety in that you feel the bottom will fall again. However, I have learned that serenity for me is not about the addict as their chaos was my chaos and no longer is my chaos or has to be MY chaos. Whew...that was a mouthful. Hope I didn't lose you. lol.
The biggest piece of finding your serenity...is learning about yourself and learning about yourself in your new you and new situation.
The biggest piece of finding your serenity...is learning about yourself and learning about yourself in your new you and new situation.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
It's ironic, isn't it, that when addictions have played a integral part in our lives and we are filled with stress or anxiety, that feeling serene or at peace is outside of our comfort zone? That's how I felt at first - if it felt good, something must be wrong, so I waited for that other shoe to drop.
In time, the more you keep at this whole idea of taking care of you, I am quite sure the anxiety associated with serenity will disappear. For now, perhaps like in the beginning stages of learning to meditate, when thoughts often get in the way, just acknowledge the feeling and let it float by.
In time, the more you keep at this whole idea of taking care of you, I am quite sure the anxiety associated with serenity will disappear. For now, perhaps like in the beginning stages of learning to meditate, when thoughts often get in the way, just acknowledge the feeling and let it float by.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
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I'm not sure if I've ever felt serenity in the truest sense of the word.
What I did feel, after things with my AXGF were really done, a sense of calm. And that strangely happened just a few weeks after she left. I was relieved that she took her act on the road. And apart from a series of concerted efforts on her part to reengage with me, I've had nothing to do with her since.
Is this serenity? I don't know. All I know is once she was gone, the clouds lifted and I was able to get back to living my life on my terms.
But then again, the difference between where I was back then and where you are now is I wasn't mourning the loss of my relationship with my AXGF. When things were over, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with my AXGF. Whereas with you, I get the impression that you're having a very difficult time letting go of him.
What I did feel, after things with my AXGF were really done, a sense of calm. And that strangely happened just a few weeks after she left. I was relieved that she took her act on the road. And apart from a series of concerted efforts on her part to reengage with me, I've had nothing to do with her since.
Is this serenity? I don't know. All I know is once she was gone, the clouds lifted and I was able to get back to living my life on my terms.
But then again, the difference between where I was back then and where you are now is I wasn't mourning the loss of my relationship with my AXGF. When things were over, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with my AXGF. Whereas with you, I get the impression that you're having a very difficult time letting go of him.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 102
In my experience, Serenity has been something that has developed throughout my journey. For me, I had to let go of the search for it and then it came. It is not always, sometimes not often however when I am doing the right thing(s) it is there.
Yesterday I read something that is true. "What I used to go boredom, now I call serenity."
Somehow, through the work, I have become OK with who I am and how I live. It is always helpful to get outside of my own self. Now though, when I am in my own head, often that is where I find my serenity...Do the next right thing, make peace with your past, think correctly and serenity will find you. It is the ultimate gift.
Yesterday I read something that is true. "What I used to go boredom, now I call serenity."
Somehow, through the work, I have become OK with who I am and how I live. It is always helpful to get outside of my own self. Now though, when I am in my own head, often that is where I find my serenity...Do the next right thing, make peace with your past, think correctly and serenity will find you. It is the ultimate gift.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
After living in fear and chaos for so long, it took a while for serenity to arrive and stay. I had brief moments or days and the longer I worked my program, the longer serenity lasted.
Today I protect my serenity by being aware when it is being tested and avoiding loudness and negativity and confrontation as much as possible.
When I first began attending meetings and listened to people share horrors much worse than mine...and yet they were calm and had an inner peace, I KNEW that I wanted what they had and what they had is called "serenity".
Seek it, embrace it and treasure it. It is what makes life worth living.
Hugs
Today I protect my serenity by being aware when it is being tested and avoiding loudness and negativity and confrontation as much as possible.
When I first began attending meetings and listened to people share horrors much worse than mine...and yet they were calm and had an inner peace, I KNEW that I wanted what they had and what they had is called "serenity".
Seek it, embrace it and treasure it. It is what makes life worth living.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 215
Your mind is used to racing and addicts have an intense internal desire for "excitement "
Adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin... These are all released and sent into overdrive in the brain by drugs or booze.
So yes, a slowing down of the mind and a lesser amount of chemical release can lead to a serenity of a type and yes, it feels weird.
But it won't feel like that forever and if you reach for the spiritual side of the NA program... You can find true and real serenity and it will feel completely natural and wonderful.
Adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin... These are all released and sent into overdrive in the brain by drugs or booze.
So yes, a slowing down of the mind and a lesser amount of chemical release can lead to a serenity of a type and yes, it feels weird.
But it won't feel like that forever and if you reach for the spiritual side of the NA program... You can find true and real serenity and it will feel completely natural and wonderful.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by Amysad 
Serenity for me would be knowing that addictions were not part of life - for that reason alone I don't feel serenity will ever be possible for me
There is a solution, it is spiritual
Only you can pick up the spiritual tool kit, all it takes is a willingness to concede that maybe "your way" isn't truly working.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
serenity is accepting EVERYTHING in your life....and then having the ability to decide for yourself just how close you let it GET to you.
when we make our world only about our own pain, we can see nothing else. we have to lift our head, expand our viewpoint and see all that exists outside our small compact body. to know that the very air we breathe has its very existence out in the universe.........somewhere. that the great guiding power behind everything urges life FORWARD. out of calamity comes new growth. that in the deepest darkest night, dawn awaits. that fires that rage thru forests are necessary for new life to take seed in the earth.
pain is inevitable......suffering is optional.
when we make our world only about our own pain, we can see nothing else. we have to lift our head, expand our viewpoint and see all that exists outside our small compact body. to know that the very air we breathe has its very existence out in the universe.........somewhere. that the great guiding power behind everything urges life FORWARD. out of calamity comes new growth. that in the deepest darkest night, dawn awaits. that fires that rage thru forests are necessary for new life to take seed in the earth.
pain is inevitable......suffering is optional.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 215
Thanks Whalebelow- I agree about picking your spiritual tool kit-I started meditation with my physical therapist this week and it's really helping. I also have been saying many prayers and having conversations many times a day with my higher power.
Although, I'm not an addict myself, my spirit has been very used to the chaos, confusion, pain, etc caused by the many addicts in my life, and those that are no longer here. I lost my brother, my only sibling 8 yrs ago to an Oxy overdose. It changed me inside, and it changed my family dynamic and my perception of reality for quite some time. I feel like I'm finally coming out of a fog.
One thing that I have started doing daily before work, weather permitting, is taking a quiet, peaceful walk on the beach. I live across the street from the ocean so I am truly blessed. Just the sounds of the water and waves seem to quiet my soul and my busy mind.
Although, I'm not an addict myself, my spirit has been very used to the chaos, confusion, pain, etc caused by the many addicts in my life, and those that are no longer here. I lost my brother, my only sibling 8 yrs ago to an Oxy overdose. It changed me inside, and it changed my family dynamic and my perception of reality for quite some time. I feel like I'm finally coming out of a fog.
One thing that I have started doing daily before work, weather permitting, is taking a quiet, peaceful walk on the beach. I live across the street from the ocean so I am truly blessed. Just the sounds of the water and waves seem to quiet my soul and my busy mind.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 215
Also- Im finally letting in the pain. I know it may sound weird - but finally grieving the losses I have experienced in my life because of the disease of addiction is some how bringing me peace. Sometimes growth is both a painful and beautiful process.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Posts: 215
And Amysad- don't let your disease write your story. Although I can not truly understand the pain and suffering that an addict experiences because of their disease, I know what it is like to have a chronic illness- I have a form of a very painful nerve disease and extremely bad arthritis that took a hold of my body when I was only 22. I will have to deal with these conditions for the rest of my life. I'm 39 and I have to travel about 4 hours to Chapel Hill Hospital for treatments. At first - I let the disease win and sunk into a deep clinical depression. Through years of therapy and finally changing my perspective a little- I decided this wasn't how I was going to go down. I've turned my trips to Chapel Hill into a fun little event now and take either my mother or one of my girlfriends with me and we stay in a cool hotel, pick a new restaurant to try, shop, etc to make it not so depressing. Hugs and love to you Amysad. Sending you good vibes - just know your not alone
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 215
Fantastic news mate. An opening, a start is all that is required.
Your higher power doesn't set too harder terms with you, you just have to be willing to try and take the necessary action.
Sounds like you are. A tree was once a seed, until the right conditions coalesced to bring about germination.
Your higher power doesn't set too harder terms with you, you just have to be willing to try and take the necessary action.
Sounds like you are. A tree was once a seed, until the right conditions coalesced to bring about germination.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 26
"when we make our world only about our own pain, we can see nothing else. we have to lift our head, expand our viewpoint and see all that exists outside our small compact. to know that the very air we breathe has its very existence out in the universe.........somewhere. that the great guiding power behind everything urges life FORWARD. out of calamity comes new growth. that in the deepest darkest night, dawn awaits. that fires that rage thru forests are necessary for new life to take seed in the earth. pain is inevitable......suffering is optional."
The above quote - so wise!! - gives a balanced perspective. Yes, we NEED to feel our pain - otherwise it will fester - and I too find a relief from doing so. I have to remind myself to feel it though, because my knee jerk reaction is to arch away from it in fear because it feels so threatening. Instead, I drop the story line and welcome the raw pain, breathe around it, and know it won't kill me (even though it sometimes feels like it will!). When it seems too much to do that, then I change to something else. I distance the pain a little by making it into a little girl. Then I put my arms around "her / myself" and encourage her to cry in my arms, giving her comfort and telling her it will be ok, that I'm here and will protect her.
HOWEVER, I love the part in the above quote - "we have to lift our head, expand our viewpoint and see all that exists outside our compact selves - that the very air we breathe has it's very existence out in the universe." That "when we make our world only about our own pain, we see nothing else." It's sometimes too easy to get lost in the pain if we forget that we are not alone, that separation is a delusion.
Then again, we need a gp like this to remind us of that!!
The above quote - so wise!! - gives a balanced perspective. Yes, we NEED to feel our pain - otherwise it will fester - and I too find a relief from doing so. I have to remind myself to feel it though, because my knee jerk reaction is to arch away from it in fear because it feels so threatening. Instead, I drop the story line and welcome the raw pain, breathe around it, and know it won't kill me (even though it sometimes feels like it will!). When it seems too much to do that, then I change to something else. I distance the pain a little by making it into a little girl. Then I put my arms around "her / myself" and encourage her to cry in my arms, giving her comfort and telling her it will be ok, that I'm here and will protect her.
HOWEVER, I love the part in the above quote - "we have to lift our head, expand our viewpoint and see all that exists outside our compact selves - that the very air we breathe has it's very existence out in the universe." That "when we make our world only about our own pain, we see nothing else." It's sometimes too easy to get lost in the pain if we forget that we are not alone, that separation is a delusion.
Then again, we need a gp like this to remind us of that!!
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