My mom relapsed
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2
My mom relapsed
Ok, this is my first time using this site or anything like it so I'm not quite sure if I'm doing this right; bare with me.
my mother has been an alcoholic since I was a kid, and it got especially bad about a year ago. She then got in a car wreck drunk and after a slew of legal craziness, she now is on probation with her license suspended. She went to rehab and was sober for 8-9 months. Recently she's relapsed, however and has gotten unbelievably reckless. She'll take the car and go buy more alcohol, even while drunk. If she were to be caught, she'd be facing somewhere near a year in prison.
She won't listen to anyone, she knows it's stupid and she admits it but she refuses to stop. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what to do anymore. I've always been supportive of her but she won't listen to common sense. She still attends AA meetings weekly but they don't seem to be getting through to her. Any advice?
my mother has been an alcoholic since I was a kid, and it got especially bad about a year ago. She then got in a car wreck drunk and after a slew of legal craziness, she now is on probation with her license suspended. She went to rehab and was sober for 8-9 months. Recently she's relapsed, however and has gotten unbelievably reckless. She'll take the car and go buy more alcohol, even while drunk. If she were to be caught, she'd be facing somewhere near a year in prison.
She won't listen to anyone, she knows it's stupid and she admits it but she refuses to stop. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what to do anymore. I've always been supportive of her but she won't listen to common sense. She still attends AA meetings weekly but they don't seem to be getting through to her. Any advice?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
I am so sorry that you are going through this agony, Riley. Someone will be along shortly who understands; this a "slow" time of day (dinner time, rush hour).
Just keep bumping the thread if you don't get a response soon (by responding to your own post).
I hope that things work out for you and your Mom.
Just keep bumping the thread if you don't get a response soon (by responding to your own post).
I hope that things work out for you and your Mom.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
So sorry you are going through this pain dear. Sorry that your mom is in so much pain, too. After living with an A father (who I didn't realize up until about last week is an A), and AH, I have learned over and over, when they are in active drinking and say they "know" they have a problem, they really don't, and are either saying it to appease loved ones or they may "know" its a problem but just aren't willing or able to tackle it.
Even in AA, there is one popular group in town here where all the court ordered people usually attend, there are people who just sit there wondering when the damn meeting is over so they can go get a drink. These are not people who are ready for change.
Its a crappy thing to realize, and realize that yes YOU have been effected by the alcoholism, you just might not see it. It took me YEARS to get myself to my first Al Anon meeting. I was scared. It was only when Pandora's Box opened, there were no more lies AH could tell himself or anyone else anymore, and he finally hit his lowest low by realizing, "If I don't drink, Im afraid I'm going to kill myself, but I know if I keep drinking I'll die" and decided to go to treatment did I finally admit I needed help too. A bottom for both of us. My rock bottom didn't happen until Saturday actually, after he was already gone. I was ready (literally) to die and told God, "You either take me now, or please remove this burden from me" It was only then that I was really ready to change.
I really hope you are able to take gentle care of you. I highly suggest Al Anon. Its better than any therapist I've spent thousands on over the years and its free.
Even in AA, there is one popular group in town here where all the court ordered people usually attend, there are people who just sit there wondering when the damn meeting is over so they can go get a drink. These are not people who are ready for change.
Its a crappy thing to realize, and realize that yes YOU have been effected by the alcoholism, you just might not see it. It took me YEARS to get myself to my first Al Anon meeting. I was scared. It was only when Pandora's Box opened, there were no more lies AH could tell himself or anyone else anymore, and he finally hit his lowest low by realizing, "If I don't drink, Im afraid I'm going to kill myself, but I know if I keep drinking I'll die" and decided to go to treatment did I finally admit I needed help too. A bottom for both of us. My rock bottom didn't happen until Saturday actually, after he was already gone. I was ready (literally) to die and told God, "You either take me now, or please remove this burden from me" It was only then that I was really ready to change.
I really hope you are able to take gentle care of you. I highly suggest Al Anon. Its better than any therapist I've spent thousands on over the years and its free.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Not much you can do for her. Sounds like she already knows she's messing up and has no real desire to stop. Maybe the consequences don't seem "real" to her. I hope she doesn't injure or kill herself or someone else during these drunken liquor runs.
Have you done anything like Alanon for yourself? This sounds like an incredibly stressful situation for you.
Hugs.
Have you done anything like Alanon for yourself? This sounds like an incredibly stressful situation for you.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
Not much you can do for her. Sounds like she already knows she's messing up and has no real desire to stop. Maybe the consequences don't seem "real" to her. I hope she doesn't injure or kill herself or someone else during these drunken liquor runs.
Have you done anything like Alanon for yourself? This sounds like an incredibly stressful situation for you.
Hugs.
Have you done anything like Alanon for yourself? This sounds like an incredibly stressful situation for you.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
It is a 12 step support group for friends and family of alcoholics, based on the AA principles. It was founded by the wives of the men who founded AA.
Having an alcoholic parent is a crappy hand to get dealt. I grew up with an alcoholic father and the Alanon program has helped me to deal with the many issues that arise from that.
There is also a good forum here for adult children of alcoholics. It's not as active as this one, but it's some of the same folks as here, and everyone will totally understand what you are going through.
Take care and keep posting.
Having an alcoholic parent is a crappy hand to get dealt. I grew up with an alcoholic father and the Alanon program has helped me to deal with the many issues that arise from that.
There is also a good forum here for adult children of alcoholics. It's not as active as this one, but it's some of the same folks as here, and everyone will totally understand what you are going through.
Take care and keep posting.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hugs to you Riley. go to al-anon, for help, and stick around here. read all the stories you can find, about alcoholism.
your mom won't quit until she is ready. mine didn't. she had to lose a kidney before she stopped, and that was after all her children were out of the house. she had no one to help her, no one believed her anymore. it was sad, but she did quit and had about
8 years or so sober, before she passed of heart disease.
we begged, ignored, went no contact. I wish she had had SR... she might have done a lot better, sooner. Maybe she needs rehab? if its possible, and she wants help.
wishing you some peace, somehow. reading 'Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty would probably be very helpful and comforting to you. I love that book.
hugs,
chicory
your mom won't quit until she is ready. mine didn't. she had to lose a kidney before she stopped, and that was after all her children were out of the house. she had no one to help her, no one believed her anymore. it was sad, but she did quit and had about
8 years or so sober, before she passed of heart disease.
we begged, ignored, went no contact. I wish she had had SR... she might have done a lot better, sooner. Maybe she needs rehab? if its possible, and she wants help.
wishing you some peace, somehow. reading 'Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty would probably be very helpful and comforting to you. I love that book.
hugs,
chicory
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Riley, what an unfortunate situation you are in. It is frustrating to feel completely powerless over your mother's drinking, and you don't want to see her get into any more trouble. I'm wondering if her behavior is bringing you down, as I am sure you are constantly feeling anxious and worried. So sorry to hear what you are going through. This can all be very painful for us to have to watch our loved ones possibly destroy their lives. Going to a meeting and sharing your pain and being around other people will most likely be therapeutic for you during this difficult time.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by RileyK
She'll take the car and go buy more alcohol, even while drunk. If she were to be caught, she'd be facing somewhere near a year in prison.
She won't listen to anyone, she knows it's stupid and she admits it but she refuses to stop.
She won't listen to anyone, she knows it's stupid and she admits it but she refuses to stop.
It's absolutely not your role to look after her, but she's already been in one crash and the next one may involve injuring someone.
Apart from protecting her and others, make sure you're not enabling her with money or help that protects her from the consequences of her drinking. Don't pick up her chores for her, call work if she's hungover, make excuses on her behalf.
Is there any relative you can talk to, or friend? Is it possible to move out of home? As others have said, look after yourself, because she's not going to stop drinking unless she has a reason to want to.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Riley!
Here is a link to USA Al Anon.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
You may also find the adult child thread a bit farther down the forum page enlightening.
welcome
Here is a link to USA Al Anon.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
You may also find the adult child thread a bit farther down the forum page enlightening.
welcome
Last edited by CodeJob; 08-27-2014 at 08:54 PM. Reason: Smilie error
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