Going To Sign the Lease to My New Home Today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Going To Sign the Lease to My New Home Today
Dear SR Family,
It has been a long 4 years on this road that I have walked with my AH down crack addiction lane. My God, I would not impose this on the devil himself. While I have “quacked” in the past about leaving, I find myself at a place where the only option I have IS to leave. My AH has recently relapsed into using crack again, about two weeks ago. He has since, laid out of work for an entire week and spent about 1500$ (possibly more) on the drug and the fuel to get the drug. He has been gone from this house for the past three days, coming in for a half hour and then leaving for hours at a time.
I feel he will likely find a way to blame his time away from home on me. My brother is staying here for a couple of weeks and my AH will likely say something about my brother being here making him want space. I turned my phone off yesterday while I was at work and my AH finally came home at 10:30 last night complaining of his need to talk to me and the fact I wasn’t answering. My job is all I have. It is the only saving grace that will allow me to leave this living situation.
I strongly believe in a Higher Power. I believe in synchronicity and serendipity. When I looked at the house I am moving in to, an old friend answered the door. She was someone I was very close to and who I know I could be honest an up front with. She didn’t require a pet deposit, and I have two pitbulls that she is very comfortable with me having in her home. I live in North Carolina and there is a lot of breed discrimination here. She is also working with me to arrange the timing of the move in, so I can move all of my things out here discreetly. My lease runs up on Oct. 1 and I am moving out the second week of September so I don’t leave my AH completely high and dry. This will give him a couple weeks in this home to figure out where he is going to go. It’s all falling into place. Additionally, I am working with a healer to work on the strength I will need to get through this and to strengthen my will through the chaos.
I can’t live like this anymore. The cycle will never break if I stay. After three cycles, the writing is on the wall.
Thanks all for your kind words and support and advice.
It has been a long 4 years on this road that I have walked with my AH down crack addiction lane. My God, I would not impose this on the devil himself. While I have “quacked” in the past about leaving, I find myself at a place where the only option I have IS to leave. My AH has recently relapsed into using crack again, about two weeks ago. He has since, laid out of work for an entire week and spent about 1500$ (possibly more) on the drug and the fuel to get the drug. He has been gone from this house for the past three days, coming in for a half hour and then leaving for hours at a time.
I feel he will likely find a way to blame his time away from home on me. My brother is staying here for a couple of weeks and my AH will likely say something about my brother being here making him want space. I turned my phone off yesterday while I was at work and my AH finally came home at 10:30 last night complaining of his need to talk to me and the fact I wasn’t answering. My job is all I have. It is the only saving grace that will allow me to leave this living situation.
I strongly believe in a Higher Power. I believe in synchronicity and serendipity. When I looked at the house I am moving in to, an old friend answered the door. She was someone I was very close to and who I know I could be honest an up front with. She didn’t require a pet deposit, and I have two pitbulls that she is very comfortable with me having in her home. I live in North Carolina and there is a lot of breed discrimination here. She is also working with me to arrange the timing of the move in, so I can move all of my things out here discreetly. My lease runs up on Oct. 1 and I am moving out the second week of September so I don’t leave my AH completely high and dry. This will give him a couple weeks in this home to figure out where he is going to go. It’s all falling into place. Additionally, I am working with a healer to work on the strength I will need to get through this and to strengthen my will through the chaos.
I can’t live like this anymore. The cycle will never break if I stay. After three cycles, the writing is on the wall.
Thanks all for your kind words and support and advice.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
Congratulations!! Reading your post just confirms to me that things happen in their own time and when something is meant to be, it falls into place without a lot of pushing and shoving from us.
Enjoy your new home! Make it your sanctuary filled with peace and serenity. (((HUGS)))
Enjoy your new home! Make it your sanctuary filled with peace and serenity. (((HUGS)))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree with Suki, all things happen in their own time and you needed to experience all you have experienced to be "ready" for the next move to new beginnings.
This may be even more difficult than you anticipate so please keep yourself safe (I am glad your brother is there with you), and just take it all one day at a time.
There comes a time with each of us where we simply cannot continue living in the chaos and darkness of our loved one's addiction.
Hugs
This may be even more difficult than you anticipate so please keep yourself safe (I am glad your brother is there with you), and just take it all one day at a time.
There comes a time with each of us where we simply cannot continue living in the chaos and darkness of our loved one's addiction.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Thank you for the comments! I am only worried, at this point, about my safety and getting out of this house discreetly. I am at max capacity with regards to my emotional and physical threshold of energy distribution so I am not really at a point where I have the energy to dance with him. He is wanting sympathy for his circumstances and a cushion to fall on, which has always been me. I simply do not have the ability to coddle him, cuddle him, and tell him everything is going to be OK. This is making it seem like I don't care, or this is what he is saying to me. And he is angry at me because I'm not all "everything is going to be alright, I am here for you, what can I do for you to make it better?" He threatened me this morning by saying he was not going to go back to work until my brother was out of this house. He doesn't want my brother staying here and he is angry that I am helping my brother out.
If my AH is true to his word and does not leave the house, which I don't see as being physically possible, I won't be able to get my things out discreetly. I don't know if he is speaking out of paranoia or what.....
If my AH is true to his word and does not leave the house, which I don't see as being physically possible, I won't be able to get my things out discreetly. I don't know if he is speaking out of paranoia or what.....
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
Have you considered contacting a domestic violence facility. They can help you leave safely. They have sources and contacts in law enforcement if necessary. The most important thing is getting yourself out safely. You can make arrangement to go back to get your things with a police escort.
Can your brother manage to take important papers and absolutely essential things discreetly to your new home?
Can your brother manage to take important papers and absolutely essential things discreetly to your new home?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: West Coast
Posts: 28
This is a huge step for you--so amazing.
I'm echoing Ann here...take it one step at a time. And also Suki gave wise advice, too. Just take the most important stuff to a safe place, and then go.
There are usually aftershocks after the giant earthquake.
Be gentle and kind to yourself.
But once you are out, just remember you are out. You are under no obligation to talk to him.
My thoughts and heart are with you. You can do it!
I'm echoing Ann here...take it one step at a time. And also Suki gave wise advice, too. Just take the most important stuff to a safe place, and then go.
There are usually aftershocks after the giant earthquake.
Be gentle and kind to yourself.
But once you are out, just remember you are out. You are under no obligation to talk to him.
My thoughts and heart are with you. You can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Thank you for the comments! WISE and GREAT advice to call the domestic violence center. I will be making a call to them today.
My AH is currently acting very aggressive and volatile - he is being very verbally abusive to me even though I am not initiating conversation OR responding to the anger. I believe him to be angry with himself, but he is projecting this on to me. I have not done anything offensive to him, but he's really combative with me and trying to start arguments. I'm just not entertaining his relapse with coddling and have not been responsive to his anger - which is a different approach from the approach I have always taken.
I signed my lease and put the security deposit down yesterday, so that is water under the bridge. Anytime I feel my mind taking me to a place where I feel sorry for him, I remind myself to be strong. The way he speaks to me is cause enough for me to walk away from the relationship, let alone the fact that he told me he refuses to work until my brother leaves the house. Basically, he threatened to not work until my brother leaves since he is staying with us for a couple of weeks but this is only to start an argument; there is no sense in what he says. His behavior is erratic and the things that come out of his mouth contradict each other. As my brother was pulling away in a car I am letting him use while his transmission is getting worked on, my husband commented, "I hope the car blows up. The you lose and he loses." It's like he has all this ill will towards me but I have been nothing but supportive to him for the last 4 years.
My AH is currently acting very aggressive and volatile - he is being very verbally abusive to me even though I am not initiating conversation OR responding to the anger. I believe him to be angry with himself, but he is projecting this on to me. I have not done anything offensive to him, but he's really combative with me and trying to start arguments. I'm just not entertaining his relapse with coddling and have not been responsive to his anger - which is a different approach from the approach I have always taken.
I signed my lease and put the security deposit down yesterday, so that is water under the bridge. Anytime I feel my mind taking me to a place where I feel sorry for him, I remind myself to be strong. The way he speaks to me is cause enough for me to walk away from the relationship, let alone the fact that he told me he refuses to work until my brother leaves the house. Basically, he threatened to not work until my brother leaves since he is staying with us for a couple of weeks but this is only to start an argument; there is no sense in what he says. His behavior is erratic and the things that come out of his mouth contradict each other. As my brother was pulling away in a car I am letting him use while his transmission is getting worked on, my husband commented, "I hope the car blows up. The you lose and he loses." It's like he has all this ill will towards me but I have been nothing but supportive to him for the last 4 years.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: West Coast
Posts: 28
I used to think of the things that came out of my partner's mouth as being words that were totally disconnected with who he really was. Like there was some alien that had taken root inside of him who was doing the speaking for him.
(This is before I knew he was an addict, I just thought he had some serious mental issues he was dealing with. Which he probably also was.)
Anyhow, the key is to separate yourself from what he is saying.
The words are meaningless.
It is not your AH who is talking. He is some alien being, and your own actions and words are independent of what he will say and do.
He will find some way to be hurtful to you and try to reel you back in at all costs.
Does your brother know you're leaving? Maybe he can help you get out of there safely.
(This is before I knew he was an addict, I just thought he had some serious mental issues he was dealing with. Which he probably also was.)
Anyhow, the key is to separate yourself from what he is saying.
The words are meaningless.
It is not your AH who is talking. He is some alien being, and your own actions and words are independent of what he will say and do.
He will find some way to be hurtful to you and try to reel you back in at all costs.
Does your brother know you're leaving? Maybe he can help you get out of there safely.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Originally Posted by Yogagurl 
Dear SR Family,
It has been a long 4 years on this road that I have walked with my AH down crack addiction lane. My God, I would not impose this on the devil himself. While I have “quacked” in the past about leaving, I find myself at a place where the only option I have IS to leave. My AH has recently relapsed into using crack again, about two weeks ago. He has since, laid out of work for an entire week and spent about 1500$ (possibly more) on the drug and the fuel to get the drug. He has been gone from this house for the past three days, coming in for a half hour and then leaving for hours at a time.
I feel he will likely find a way to blame his time away from home on me. My brother is staying here for a couple of weeks and my AH will likely say something about my brother being here making him want space. I turned my phone off yesterday while I was at work and my AH finally came home at 10:30 last night complaining of his need to talk to me and the fact I wasn’t answering. My job is all I have. It is the only saving grace that will allow me to leave this living situation.
I strongly believe in a Higher Power. I believe in synchronicity and serendipity. When I looked at the house I am moving in to, an old friend answered the door. She was someone I was very close to and who I know I could be honest an up front with. She didn’t require a pet deposit, and I have two pitbulls that she is very comfortable with me having in her home. I live in North Carolina and there is a lot of breed discrimination here. She is also working with me to arrange the timing of the move in, so I can move all of my things out here discreetly. My lease runs up on Oct. 1 and I am moving out the second week of September so I don’t leave my AH completely high and dry. This will give him a couple weeks in this home to figure out where he is going to go. It’s all falling into place. Additionally, I am working with a healer to work on the strength I will need to get through this and to strengthen my will through the chaos.
I can’t live like this anymore. The cycle will never break if I stay. After three cycles, the writing is on the wall.
Thanks all for your kind words and support and advice.
It has been a long 4 years on this road that I have walked with my AH down crack addiction lane. My God, I would not impose this on the devil himself. While I have “quacked” in the past about leaving, I find myself at a place where the only option I have IS to leave. My AH has recently relapsed into using crack again, about two weeks ago. He has since, laid out of work for an entire week and spent about 1500$ (possibly more) on the drug and the fuel to get the drug. He has been gone from this house for the past three days, coming in for a half hour and then leaving for hours at a time.
I feel he will likely find a way to blame his time away from home on me. My brother is staying here for a couple of weeks and my AH will likely say something about my brother being here making him want space. I turned my phone off yesterday while I was at work and my AH finally came home at 10:30 last night complaining of his need to talk to me and the fact I wasn’t answering. My job is all I have. It is the only saving grace that will allow me to leave this living situation.
I strongly believe in a Higher Power. I believe in synchronicity and serendipity. When I looked at the house I am moving in to, an old friend answered the door. She was someone I was very close to and who I know I could be honest an up front with. She didn’t require a pet deposit, and I have two pitbulls that she is very comfortable with me having in her home. I live in North Carolina and there is a lot of breed discrimination here. She is also working with me to arrange the timing of the move in, so I can move all of my things out here discreetly. My lease runs up on Oct. 1 and I am moving out the second week of September so I don’t leave my AH completely high and dry. This will give him a couple weeks in this home to figure out where he is going to go. It’s all falling into place. Additionally, I am working with a healer to work on the strength I will need to get through this and to strengthen my will through the chaos.
I can’t live like this anymore. The cycle will never break if I stay. After three cycles, the writing is on the wall.
Thanks all for your kind words and support and advice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Thank you for the kind words. I have to say, it has been an uphill battle - I knew after this last go that he wouldn't change - he will keep cycling and using crack until he is thrown in jail or has been in some kind of debilitating accident. The only time that he stops using is when he is physically incapable. I used to feel so sorry for him and it was the sorrow that made me stay for so long. There comes a point when the emotional trauma of being with an addict outweighs the compassion for the addict; it's only then that you can leave.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
I used to think of the things that came out of my partner's mouth as being words that were totally disconnected with who he really was. Like there was some alien that had taken root inside of him who was doing the speaking for him.
(This is before I knew he was an addict, I just thought he had some serious mental issues he was dealing with. Which he probably also was.)
Anyhow, the key is to separate yourself from what he is saying.
The words are meaningless.
It is not your AH who is talking. He is some alien being, and your own actions and words are independent of what he will say and do.
He will find some way to be hurtful to you and try to reel you back in at all costs.
Does your brother know you're leaving? Maybe he can help you get out of there safely.
(This is before I knew he was an addict, I just thought he had some serious mental issues he was dealing with. Which he probably also was.)
Anyhow, the key is to separate yourself from what he is saying.
The words are meaningless.
It is not your AH who is talking. He is some alien being, and your own actions and words are independent of what he will say and do.
He will find some way to be hurtful to you and try to reel you back in at all costs.
Does your brother know you're leaving? Maybe he can help you get out of there safely.
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