Thatdeliveryguy

For anyone that follows my threads today's counseling appointment was awesome, but the counselor challenged me to seperate myself from the world and only worry about Jeremy ( TDG). In essence act on my own behalf, do what I need to do get better, and to disregard other opinions most specifically negative ones.

I am 34, but still talk to my parents daily. I love them both dearly, but they are very, very critical. Believe me, got degrees, got an advanced degree, been on the top and the bottom. Seriously doesn't matter what I do, its obvious the bar is set so high I could do no good in their opinion.

I know at my age I should of severed those ties a long time ago. However, they are successful people with stable lives and that is what I want too. However, now I feel like I am chasing rainbows with family, is the counselor right. Should I just withdrawal on some level and have a weekly call where I am like I did XYZ this week. Good talking with you, talk with you next week.

I am certain someone out there has a similar relationship with someone in their family or friends. So confusing, now I am being asked by this counselor to separate myself from people that have admittedly helped me, but are very negative and condescending.

I know he is right, I just don't know how to proceed. Talk to them and be like, "hey counselor told me you guys are too negative love you bye" or just stop calling which will most certainly set off bells too.

Recovery is such a confusing process, vetting all the issues I have or I know some of you have, can almost be like a full time job. Thanks for reading friends

Have a good day and stay safe and sober, Jeremy ( TDG)

PurpleKnight

Do what you have to do Jeremy!! Protecting your Sobriety is the most important thing!!

I wouldn't announce it, simply cut back on the calls, if it's every day, go to every 2nd day, a slight adjustment to things!!

justinJustQuit

I haven't seen my parents since Christmas for sobriety. My reason is that they are all alcoholics and I know if I visit them I'll head straight to the bottle.

Sometimes you have to let them go for a while. Maybe not forever, but sometimes it is for the best. When I was seeing parents I was drinking every other day.

I've cut that down drastically but still slip now and then admittedly.

Olive1

Hi TDG,

When I was in the hospital detoxing, before I went into rehab, the fabulous doctor who saved my life told me that I would really need to figure out my relationship with my mother if I ever had a chance of maintaining sobriety. My family was completely supportive of my recovery, so much so that they tried to manage my post rehab life, trying to tell me exactly how I was supposed to go about living. It got so bad that I almost relapsed.
My family and I had to break up. We didn't speak for quite a few months. It was hard, very hard. But, then, getting sober is very hard. And I didn't need the added stress of my family's idea of how to live sober.
I didn't relapse and I stayed sober. And my family and I slowly put our relationship back together. It wasn't the same, it was better. I think the time spent apart got us away from each other enough to figure out what is really important for ourselves.
Do what you need to do to get and stay sober. You are the most important.

FreeOwl

sure sounds to me like establishing and keeping some healthy boundaries would be good for you in the situation you describe.

doesn't have to be forever.

doesn't have to mean you completely isolate yourself from your family....

maybe it's time to take a few weeks 'off' and really focus on what boundaries and needs you have with regard to your family and how to keep yourself on track with your priorities - sobriety chief among them.

family issues are tough... but if we get honest with ourselves about what we know we need, and have the courage to honor that, often the family stuff begins to work itself out over time.

Anna

Jeremy, I had a similar problem. There was nothing I could that was good enough, yet I continued to try for many years. I finally realized I needed to step away from leaving myself open to my parents criticism. I didn't live near them which was helpful, but weekly telephone calls worked for me. I didn't 'say' anything, but allowed messages to pile up a bit, that kind of thing.

The bottom line is you need to focus on you and take care of you. You don't need negative and condescending people in your life right now. In fact, that's the last thing you need.

Recovery is not easy and early recovery involves hard decisions. You know what you need to do, but understandably, it's hard to do it.

autumn2

I was 30yrs old before I cut the apron strings from my mom. It was just too stressful answering all her daily calls. I wish I had done it long before that. I would go about it gentle as purpleknight suggested. But,you are 34 yrs old. Definitely time to do that.

MythOfSisyphus

Compared to all the other difficulties you've faced this should be [comparatively!] easy- you just gotta lay it on the line for 'em. Let them know that just for now you need a bit of space.

Soberwolf

TDG I wouldn't look in to this too much in fact you know what you want right ?

What your parents have you can and more likely will have and more through sobriety

If cutting on contact would set off alarm bells then I wouldn't speak to them and tell them how your feeling let them both know how important it is to you

Wishing you the best of luck

whalebelow

I'd be careful asking a forum of alcoholics & addicts for relationship advice

suki44883

Not advice. Experience, strength and hope. There's a difference. That's the whole point of this forum. Encouraging each other and sharing our experiences. Many or even most of us deal with a lot of the same situations.