hopeful4

I did not know it was even possible for my XAH to hurt my feelings as I am usto his quacking and just tune it out. He had our kids this weekend, that all went well. We attend the same church and are both pretty involved in different aspects of the church. We still sit together at our service for our children, so they don't have to pick a parent to sit with and we still get along for the most part.

Yesterday the kids would come home with me after the service. He did not know I had a meeting/lunch thing to attend with the kids at church after the service. Their bags were still in his car. He was taking my daughter's friend over to my house after church b/c she was being picked up by a family member there.

So....right after church everyone is chatting, I am basically waiting around for my X to get done so I can go out to his car and get my kid's bags (he had his keys, their bags were locked in). I am still talking to someone and he did not run but walked very fast to his car and got in to leave. I had to yell across the lot that the extra friend should take the girls's bags into my house. I don't even know if he said bye to our kids.

He said sorry later, and I figured out what happened b/c he told me. He said his friends that he plays in the church band with came up to him and were asking him about his "divorced life" and how he is doing. He did not want them to think we had gotten back together so he did not want to walk out with me! I know I should not care, but this hurt my feelings. I am friends with these people too. I went to church there first. They asked him to join that band b/c he was coming out of rehab and needed a place to focus his talent in a productive place. Really?? I guess it basically just pi$$ed me off.

I have bent over backwards for us to get along for our children. I told him not to worry, that from now on I won't stand near him after church so no one is confused. I was only going to walk out w/him b/c our kids bags were in his car. I told him from here on out to bring the kids bags inside so there is no reason for me to have to walk outside anywhere near him. Goodness.

I don't know why this has got up in my craw, but it has. Whatever. I would not be back with him in a million years, I am a free bird and count my blessings for that EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!

Thanks, as always, for letting me ramble on!

lillamy

(((hugs)))

I'm sorry you were hurt. It's funny how you're basing your actions on what's good for the kids. He's basing his actions on what people are going to think about him.

Methinks he may have a bit of recovery to do, still.

hopeful4

Thank you. It just caught me by surprise, to get all bent out of shape over something I do recognize is pretty insignificant.

Him needing some recovery, that is the understatement of the year. I recognize that as do my children. We also recognize he has to do it himself.

Thank you for your support and hugs my friend!

FireSprite

I'm sorry Hopeful, it sounds like he just reacted terribly because he hasn't faced all of his demons & found this situation extremely uncomfortable. (read: humiliating) But that at the same time, he doesn't have any healthy reactions to fall back on either? No well-rehearsed lines for these situations so he got all deer-in-the-headlights & removed himself, inflicting collateral damage onto you as he sped away.

I know your feeling are hurt, but it's a *little* funny to visualize.... him speeding away from the scene like that, away from Big Bad You & 2 young girls. At church.

With the other friends, I'd be hurt too, I know I would. I've been there. Mutual friends had such a range of difficulty in supporting us either/or/both-wise. I lost a lot of friends because their own dysfunctions couldn't handle my healthier way of living & others just couldn't wrap their minds around how to stay friends with us both.

unsureoffuture

It's funny how sometimes it's the little things that hurt us.

Perhaps you felt rejected when he didnt want to be seen with you and it brought up buried feelings of rejection from your marriage. I know for me, deep down I feel rejected that my STBXAH chose alcohol over me and the kids. Even though I don't for a second doubt that leaving him is the right choice, it still hurts.

You are still working out all the kinks of "divorced life". I don't think it was personal, it is just new for the both of you to interact with others as individuals and not as a couple. It sounds as if your ExAH is having more trouble with it than you are. I am sure as time passes it will get easier for both of you. Just remember, it's not you it's him!

hopeful4

Thank You!!! I guess I did feel rejected in a way. I have always known, and still do, that if I wanted him back he would come right back. NO THANK YOU!!! However, to see him act that way was hurtful, and that hurt caught me by surprise I guess.

FS...ya, it was a little crazy. We have went through all sorts of serious stuff and to let this rather juvenile thing be the one that affects me is just nuts. I dunno. I did feel as though he made a fool of himself, and he knows it.

O well, next week I will show up and sit in my same pew I always do and remain the constant in my children's lives no matter what.

Thank you all for responding, it helps to hear a new perspective on this b/c it just sort of caught me by surprise that I even thought a thing about it. Hmmmm.....

LightInside

Just saying, I cannot count all of the little tiny things that hurt so bad from my X. For me, it has A LOT to do with rejection. It's like "death by a million paper cuts." I can identify. This morning my X "accidentally" ? dialed my #. I didn't answer, it only rang for a few seconds. Damn if that didn't make me get all adrenalin-y and then wasting my thoughts on him. It's like he's saying, "Hey, I'm over here! Don't want you, but here I am!" Grr.

meggem

sending you a hug hopeful.