Sssunflower

I've seen many doctors about my alcoholism in the last couple of months and they all have told me that alcohol (being a depressant) is the reason I have been feeling depressed and if I quit drinking I will start to feel better.

I know that that they are right in saying that that chemically alcohol is considered depressant. But it is also true that I have been battling with depression since I was about 12, and only when I started drinking at age 20 did I start to think that killing myself might not be my best option. I was still sad most of time, but I didn't want to be dead, and for me, that was much better.

Well, now I've been sober for almost a week. By far the longest time I've gone without drinking in years, and I just feel really, really depressed again. I feel so completely miserable that I am crying for the vast majority of my waking hours, and the crying keeps me up at night much longer than I care to.

And I'm not just bumming around the house wallowing in pity either. I try to go out and do things- yesterday I went for a walk, I watched a parade, went shopping, and then to movie, and through everything I was fighting tears. I try to play happy music when I'm driving because all the crying makes it hard to see. I've been writing down positive things to combat my negative self-talk like my therapist told me. I take prescription depression medication as well as vitamins that are supposed to help my mood, but nothing seems to work. I know its only been like 6 days, but how long is this going to go on?

Honestly, right now I feel like I'd rather just go back to drinking and take whatever troubles it may cause me, because at least then I won't be so miserable that suicide feels like a solid plan.

andyroo72

Hey there Sssunflower,

Well done on being sober for a week, which it probably is by now :=] I'm sorry things don't feel like they're getting much better.

I suffer from (I hate that term!) chronic depression too and I've always been a bit wary of the 'alcohol is a depressant' line. Sure, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant but that is actually a wee bit different than clinical depression of the mood variety. When I was drinking, alcohol was definitely at times an up- it seemed to give me access to an elevated mood I couldn't get anywhere else. That is, of course, only a very small part of the story and perhaps the only plus I can identify in drinking. No, not even that when I think about it.

I guess for me the thing is that up mood from alcohol isn't authentic. It's fake. It's not in response to anything out there in the big bad real world, it's just like a switch. And it really easily gets to the point where that switch only gets turned on by one thing- alcohol. Hence the danger, I guess.

A week is great, but it is still early days, I reckon. For me, the pluses with being sober seem like they can be very subtle at times and therefore easy to miss. I really value the small steps, but I've got to intentionally look out for them.

Take care.

Ythill

Hi, I think that what you're feeling is probably a combination of your nervous system balancing itself out and your body flushing out toxins that had been built up. I'm going through something similar, and I suffer from depression and anxiety as well. I take medication that keeps my mood stable (I'm bi-polar and prone to terrifying bursts of mania), and I've found that I've been off the wall for the past week or so. That being said, I'd much rather be off the wall without alcohol b/c my highs and my lows when drinking were way worse than they are now. I put my dog down the other day and was devastated, but grateful that I'm able to mourn him on my own. It sounds odd, but I'm happy that I'm feeling grief sober. Grief is so painful, but there's something purifying about it as well. Anyway, just don't forget that depression without alcohol is much more manageable than it is with alcohol. Be well!

Anna

My depression began in my teens and it wasn't until decades later that I began to drink as a way to self-medicate. Finally, I was able to get my depression properly treated and that leveled the playing field for me. I had a chance to get sober and I did. And, now, after all these years, I still take antidepressants.

Please talk to your dr and ensure they understand that your depression came first. Don't give up until you are heard.

readerbaby71

It's going to be a while before your brain gets used to not drinking. Have you seen a psychiatrist since you quit? Starting meds was a huge turning point for me and really helped me get over the hump of depression and start getting better. I also found that since I was finally taking medicine to address my mental issues I was more committed to removing alcohol from my life.

I'm sorry you're suffering. It's rough. hugs to you.

PurpleKnight

Alcohol affected my mood also, I would become very depressed after multiple days drinking large amounts!!

1 week though is very early days to undo everything that alcohol has created, your body can't adjust to years of drinking in a week!!

It took me a few weeks, if not months to shake off the affects of alcohol on my mood, it took time for my body to level out from the initial withdrawal period alone!!

As Anna has mentioned though, going back to your Dr may be a good option!!

least

It will take longer than a week to start feeling better. Give yourself more sober time. In the meantime, see your doctor about your depression and suicidal thinking. Please get help.

Noolan

Welcome to SR.

I've been struggling with my drinking, depression, and pursuit to get sober for the past year. I know when I drank on both a SSRI and a SSNRI, my depression was terrible following the drinking episodes. Also, its hard to gauge how alcohol was or was not impacting these items till I got some breaks from the alcohol, because it can drastically impact each person's brain chemistry.