bradley26

Messed up again and have had enough, i really cant win this, SR has been so much help but i cant do it ive had enough , if aa cant save me im ***;ed. Good luck to u all and if i manage to make some progress not just 3 months ill comeback and share whats happened but i doubt it.

Nuudawn

So what is the plan Bradley? You are going out there alone simply to come back to "report" your success? You don't want to build relationships here yet you want folks (who you do not share with ..or support) to applaud your success? You want to be someone who is "modelling" success to others..rather than be part of others?

What's going on here? Are you going to AA ..and then coming back to say "hey, I did it with AA"? I don't understand your post.

bradley26

Nuudawn .there is no plan. I am going it alone because nothing works. I dont want people to applaud anything, where have i said that? I want to be someone who dosnt drink alcohol, not someone who is ''modelling success to others'' as u put it. I can barely shower in the morning for christs sake. And finally no im not going to aa again and wont be back to say ''ha ha everybody i did it with aa''. Maybe u understand this post.

doggonecarl

When you say nothing works, what have you done? A handful of posts to SR and a few AA meetings and you've exhausted your recovery options? I don't think so.

When you have done everything possible with 100% effort and then you fail, you can say nothing works. Rather, I suggest you do some honest soul searching and ask yourself "Have I done everything I could to quit? Or is my addiction working 100% to keep me drinking?"

PurpleKnight

Hey Bradley!!

Do you post on SR or hang out here much? I only seem to see you when you've slipped, a proper support structure needs to be utilised when your struggling, because then it's just doing it on sheer willpower, and that doesn't seem to be working!!

Nothing changes if nothing changes, we gotta tweak our plan, figure out what we need in those moments we're struggling, the times when I slipped it was myself with my own thoughts, but I could convince myself of anything in my own head, instead we need support to short circuit those thought processes, get a second opinion before reaching for that drink!!

You can do this Bradley, don't give up!!

LadyBlue0527

I know that's only part of your post above but it's the key component of success vs non success. The question is do you want to win this? If so what are you willing to put into it in order to succeed? Do you think this is easy and that it's not occasionally going to be this way?

You CAN do this but it's all about you and the level of effort you are willing to give.

Nuudawn

Well ya..I was confused by your post. Which is why I asked and said what I did. I'm not trying to tick you off here. I have found..for me..that I need support in sobriety cuz I don't have a freaking clue how to navigate this all by myself. I spent my leisure time drinking. I solved my mental upsets ..with alcohol. I cured my boredom..with alcohol. Alcohol held the premiere position in my life. You take that away..and well, I am a bit lost. I don't know what to do with myself..so I come here..or I go to the odd AA meeting so I can make "sober connections'. I feel like I'm a stranger in a strange land.

I don't think I could do this alone. I know in previous sobriety attempts, I tried that. It didn't work. I got tired of myself all by myself cuz I stayed home all the time.

Don't give up and go away..that's all I was trying to say.

bradley26

Nuudawn i didnt mean to sound arsey and i too feel like a stranger even after going to aa and talking on here i just think if i cant sort this with help then it cant hurt doing it alone. Maybe im just being a drama queen tonight but i feel like i dont care anymore. Id love to come on here everyday and help people by giving them advice and encouragement but i cant even function in my own life let alone tell people what they should do in their life. I just think i might be one of those people that just cant do it. I have a friend like that and its horrible. great guy but he is just destructive.

Anna

Bradley, you don't have to help people here, there is no pressure. Sometimes we give, sometimes we take. That's how our recovery community work. Lean on us and let us help you to get through this.

PurpleKnight

Why not be the person who is getting the advice and encouragement, get a piece of that help and support for yourself!!

Nuudawn

Hey..I have felt like that ALL week! I could just as easily be you today hon. There have been times I have felt like I have been hanging by my fingernails for days. I still feel like that today but ya..know..what is somewhat saving me? I have felt just as miserable drinking..just as awkward..just as much as a loser. Sometimes there isn't a cure for feeling really, really sh*tty..you just feel sh*tty. Yup, that's the great big old elephant in my sober room today.

We can't change "sh*tty"..we have to simply endure it...and let it be .and let it pass..cuz it will indeed pass..the trick is coming out sober on the other side of it.

You won't be happier drunk. Sorry to say..there is no magic bullet. Sometimes life is suffering and we addicts just don't want to have to accept that. We want a magic elixir to make it all go away..and it does go away for a moment or two..and that's it's just right smack dab back into "sh*tty".

Life is NOT better drunk. That's the illusion. If you're weren't miserable drinking..I wouldn't be here typing to you right now.

Talk to you right now...is helping me stay sober.

FeenixxRising

Bradley, I felt that way a many times when I was struggling to quit. It's natural to feel that way IMO. I can only suggest that you not let the failed attempts get to you. I know it's a cliché, but just keep trying. The rewards of sobriety are worth it.

bradley26

Nuudawn u are right there is no cure for feeling like s hit and life is not better drunk of course it isnt. ''Talk to you right now...is helping me stay sober''. i dont know how to quote that stuff u peeps do, but that i really can relate to as there have been many posts that i have found helpful ,, im just not a very confident person to start spouting off advice. I hope u understand.

aasharon90

No advice needed at the moment. Just
sharing where you are now, what happening,
how you are feeling, whats bothering you,
you know, things like that.

I speak only for myself that I was able
to not drink one day at a time. Nothing further.
If I come here each day or if you like going
to meetings or just talk one on one to help
you not drink today then that is an accomplishment.

Whatever you did today to not drink, then
repeat it again tomorrow. That's it.

I care about you even tho I have never
met you. Your health and well being is
that important to folks that care.

VikingGF

You know what, Bradley? Sometimes coming here and asking for help is enough to help someone else. Lots of times I will scroll through the posts to see if someone has a situation/mood/symptom/experience that is similar to mine. I'll do this because I'm looking for help, and I often find it. You never, ever know what is helping someone else stay sober- it could be your very own words! So, while that's not a primary reason for people to start coming to this sight, it may happen right away. However, in the early stages of recovery/sobriety, people seem to come here to BE helped. I did. Many times over, until I really got a foothold on this whole sobriety thing (at least that's how I feel, but I'm still really new and not an authority on anything but my own experience) and now I feel like I can offer some advice here and there. But only if the post resonates with me, like yours does. Giving up was something I tried a few times, going it completely alone, yup, did that, and let me tell you, it's easier here. SR remains my primary support. While it may not be the right thing for everyone, I wonder if walking away completely is the right thing for anyone. Please stay, ask for help, don't feel pressure to advise anyone- just hunker down and take what you need. Be selfish. You deserve every chance at a better existence. We are here for YOU.

Best,

Lisa.

Nuudawn

That's what I'm saying...YOU posting here is helping ME. Sharing my thoughts with you in your struggle helps ME because I RELATE with it. I wanted to cave a number of times this week. And I posted here and people helped me stay sober with encouragement BUT hearing of struggle helps me too. I want COMPANY in all this...don't you? As others have said you don't have to pump out advice. Sometimes I think the 3 most beautiful words in the English language are not in fact "I love you" ..but rather "I hear you". Well, for me anyway.

You simply being here..sharing...is what helps us all. You are "supporting" by simply being here sharing with us. Does that make sense?

I mean what I said..you are helping me..absolutely!

Ythill

I'm not sure what your stance is on meds, but my doctor prescribed me Naltrexone. It's made a world of difference. I got to a point recently where I was going to AA meetings, SR meetings, reading all the recovery literature, calling people in recovery constantly but still couldn't walk away from the bottle at night to shut my mind off. My doctor tested my liver function last week and warned me that if I didn't stop, I would suffer some serious health consequences within the next year. I asked her how long it would take my liver to repair itself. She said that considering my age, 29, it would take about 3-4 weeks. My first thought was how I was going to manage my drinking in the next few weeks without furthering the damage. She prescribed Naltrexone as a safety measure. It's been a few days now. My impulse to drink is still there, but I find I can shut it off without the same amount of anxiety that I was feeling. Might be worth some consideration.

jdooner

Cutting out this lifeline is like abandoning your life preserver in e middle of the Atlantic. SR might not be the ship to rescue you but it's helping keep you afloat a bit. How about changing the strategy. Commit to posting once no day in the August thread? You don't have to do anything more than that, just a post a day sober or not. See what happens. Perhaps if you read a bit you might sow a few seeds that germinate?

Soberwolf

Bradley I done it on my own I had to painfully find out (heavily not recommending this) for me it was the only way

But if your not going mtns pls keep posting it means a lot to me to know your well

Keep trying a lot of ppl say but wolf your 13 months I say yeah but I still got to work at it if I'm going to be well I have to try every day not to put myself back in that desolate dark place I once called home

Its the same with you you have to try and I truly believe in you for what its worth

Waterfalls2014

Hi Bradley, I hope you stick around. Maybe next time you get cravings, come post on here first. I'm sure you'll get tons of support not to drink. Have you read around on here a lot? I've read tons and sometimes random posts pop in my head at just the right time to help me fight my AV. You can do this. We're all here to help one another.