He's Been Gone just Over 2 Weeks
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: over there
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He's Been Gone just Over 2 Weeks
after us living here separately for several years. At first I felt paralysed by anxiety. Part of that was due to what other people might say or their reactions but friends have been really supportive of me and I don't exist to family so they aren't in the picture. Part of it was if he tried to come back. He hasn't and seems unlikely too now.
It's only been 2 weeks but it feels like a lifetime. He told me awful stuff he's up to when he had contact with his sons. I ignored him. He is nothing to me now and I don't care what he is up too. I feel calm and happy, the anxiety has gone and I'm getting used to the peace.
I've been working on myself for a few years as to why I chose an alcoholic and emotionally abusive men. It's been an eye opener. Part of it was I never felt I deserved any better cos, as a child, I had an abusive father. Partly cos decent men never seem to like me. I realised that's cos they don't give off the vibes the bad boys do so I didn't respond to them in a positive way. I've realised, and really know deep down, I do deserve better. I'm a kind, loving person who deserves the same back. I am actively making friends with people who make me feel good and happy, not ones who put me down or have unhealthy lifestyles. My motto is stay out of the pubs, stay out of the clubs...I'm avoiding bad boy types, the ones just after sex, the ones circling like sharks and concentrating on forming friendships with people born out of common interests and mutual respect. The knock on to that is I now have a life ..it's a strange concept after 18 years with exah and life revolving around him even tho I have been pulling away for the past 7 years, while he was here I wasn't free.
I'm keeping reading, self help books, here, watching my reactions, thinking about what I do and why.... and it's all a learning curve but in a good way. One of my anxieties was actually meeting anyone to eat a meal with. It sounds ridiculous but the idea terrifies me. I am doing that next week...just lunch with someone I trust. Baby steps I suppose.....
It's only been 2 weeks but it feels like a lifetime. He told me awful stuff he's up to when he had contact with his sons. I ignored him. He is nothing to me now and I don't care what he is up too. I feel calm and happy, the anxiety has gone and I'm getting used to the peace.
I've been working on myself for a few years as to why I chose an alcoholic and emotionally abusive men. It's been an eye opener. Part of it was I never felt I deserved any better cos, as a child, I had an abusive father. Partly cos decent men never seem to like me. I realised that's cos they don't give off the vibes the bad boys do so I didn't respond to them in a positive way. I've realised, and really know deep down, I do deserve better. I'm a kind, loving person who deserves the same back. I am actively making friends with people who make me feel good and happy, not ones who put me down or have unhealthy lifestyles. My motto is stay out of the pubs, stay out of the clubs...I'm avoiding bad boy types, the ones just after sex, the ones circling like sharks and concentrating on forming friendships with people born out of common interests and mutual respect. The knock on to that is I now have a life ..it's a strange concept after 18 years with exah and life revolving around him even tho I have been pulling away for the past 7 years, while he was here I wasn't free.
I'm keeping reading, self help books, here, watching my reactions, thinking about what I do and why.... and it's all a learning curve but in a good way. One of my anxieties was actually meeting anyone to eat a meal with. It sounds ridiculous but the idea terrifies me. I am doing that next week...just lunch with someone I trust. Baby steps I suppose.....
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
I realised that's cos they don't give off the vibes the bad boys do so I didn't respond to them in a positive way. I've realised, and really know deep down, I do deserve better. I'm a kind, loving person who deserves the same back. I am actively making friends with people who make me feel good and happy, not ones who put me down or have unhealthy lifestyles. My motto is stay out of the pubs, stay out of the clubs...I'm avoiding bad boy types, the ones just after sex, the ones circling like sharks and concentrating on forming friendships with people born out of common interests and mutual respect.
I totally know what you mean about the vibes the "bad boys" give out and the attraction. I was like that too. It took many years and relationships but I got past that attraction, thank God!! Okay maybe I'm not past it 100% but I do NOT act on it.
Keep on with your great plan of meeting people who respect you and live healthy lifestyles. Glad you have a lunch date next week. Have a great time!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
A friend of mine, also an adult child of an alcoholic, told me that his father disappeared for five years. They were all worried sick about him - no information, no contact - and in the end they just got on with their lives, as far as you can when you don't know whether a loved one's dead or alive.
My friend inadvertently met his father after all those years; he'd just started another life for himself, had a new woman and a young kid and was happily drinking away - while the family from his previous life no longer existed for him. As long as HE was all right, he had absolutely no regard for anyone else around him.
Selfish doesn't even begin to describe it...
My friend inadvertently met his father after all those years; he'd just started another life for himself, had a new woman and a young kid and was happily drinking away - while the family from his previous life no longer existed for him. As long as HE was all right, he had absolutely no regard for anyone else around him.
Selfish doesn't even begin to describe it...
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