Back Again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 57
Back Again
I have been absent from SR for a while. Over the past two years, I have been at various stages in my recovery from codependency. Yet here I am again at the beginning.
Long story short, my EXABF's DOC is Heroin. A little over a year ago, he was arrested for shoplifting. At that time, we were together, but I was on my way out. At the time he was also on probation, which he'd obviously violated. He decided to serve the 13 months attached to his probation. While in prison, he went through a treatment program. He made progress and I felt like there could be a light at the end of the tunnel for us. 3 months before his release, his brother/best friend, past away from a lethal combination of drugs. It was devastating for him. His brother meant everything to him, so I knew it was going to hit him hard. He coped and found other inmates extremely supportive, but he acknowledged that it wouldn't be real until he got out. I encouraged him to make a plan for dealing with his grief, but he didn't take me seriously.
Unfortunately, his sobriety didn't last once he got out. He didn't know how to cope with his loss, and he turned to his old friend drugs. He basically went on a meth binge that's lasted 4 months. I realized early on that he was both using and cheating, again. From then on, I made it clear he was no longer welcome in my home. Over the past 4 months, I remained in contact with him, but I am proud to say that I stuck to the boundary I set for myself. He begs for me to take him back almost daily, but I just can't do it anymore.
At this point, I am starting to detach from him completely. Today I had an epiphany. This is my chance to break free from this codependent relationship, and live my life for me. He and I have no children together, nor do we share any property, so it will be a clean break. I think I've been slowly detaching over the past 4 months, and I am ready to cease contact with him. I know I'm the one who holds the key to my own success.
I'd appreciate any support or advice.
Thanks
Long story short, my EXABF's DOC is Heroin. A little over a year ago, he was arrested for shoplifting. At that time, we were together, but I was on my way out. At the time he was also on probation, which he'd obviously violated. He decided to serve the 13 months attached to his probation. While in prison, he went through a treatment program. He made progress and I felt like there could be a light at the end of the tunnel for us. 3 months before his release, his brother/best friend, past away from a lethal combination of drugs. It was devastating for him. His brother meant everything to him, so I knew it was going to hit him hard. He coped and found other inmates extremely supportive, but he acknowledged that it wouldn't be real until he got out. I encouraged him to make a plan for dealing with his grief, but he didn't take me seriously.
Unfortunately, his sobriety didn't last once he got out. He didn't know how to cope with his loss, and he turned to his old friend drugs. He basically went on a meth binge that's lasted 4 months. I realized early on that he was both using and cheating, again. From then on, I made it clear he was no longer welcome in my home. Over the past 4 months, I remained in contact with him, but I am proud to say that I stuck to the boundary I set for myself. He begs for me to take him back almost daily, but I just can't do it anymore.
At this point, I am starting to detach from him completely. Today I had an epiphany. This is my chance to break free from this codependent relationship, and live my life for me. He and I have no children together, nor do we share any property, so it will be a clean break. I think I've been slowly detaching over the past 4 months, and I am ready to cease contact with him. I know I'm the one who holds the key to my own success.
I'd appreciate any support or advice.
Thanks
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I know I'm the one who holds the key to my own success.
I am sorry he fell back into old ways, it's an old yet sad story and I hope he does one day overcome it all.
But I am happier that you are no longer putting your life on hold, waiting for what may take years or may never happen.
Experience is a great teacher in life and the lessons learned bring us courage and strength to walk forward so very much wiser for the journey.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Originally Posted by MLH2282 
I have been absent from SR for a while. Over the past two years, I have been at various stages in my recovery from codependency. Yet here I am again at the beginning.
Long story short, my EXABF's DOC is Heroin. A little over a year ago, he was arrested for shoplifting. At that time, we were together, but I was on my way out. At the time he was also on probation, which he'd obviously violated. He decided to serve the 13 months attached to his probation. While in prison, he went through a treatment program. He made progress and I felt like there could be a light at the end of the tunnel for us. 3 months before his release, his brother/best friend, past away from a lethal combination of drugs. It was devastating for him. His brother meant everything to him, so I knew it was going to hit him hard. He coped and found other inmates extremely supportive, but he acknowledged that it wouldn't be real until he got out. I encouraged him to make a plan for dealing with his grief, but he didn't take me seriously.
Unfortunately, his sobriety didn't last once he got out. He didn't know how to cope with his loss, and he turned to his old friend drugs. He basically went on a meth binge that's lasted 4 months. I realized early on that he was both using and cheating, again. From then on, I made it clear he was no longer welcome in my home. Over the past 4 months, I remained in contact with him, but I am proud to say that I stuck to the boundary I set for myself. He begs for me to take him back almost daily, but I just can't do it anymore.
At this point, I am starting to detach from him completely. Today I had an epiphany. This is my chance to break free from this codependent relationship, and live my life for me. He and I have no children together, nor do we share any property, so it will be a clean break. I think I've been slowly detaching over the past 4 months, and I am ready to cease contact with him. I know I'm the one who holds the key to my own success.
I'd appreciate any support or advice.
Thanks
Long story short, my EXABF's DOC is Heroin. A little over a year ago, he was arrested for shoplifting. At that time, we were together, but I was on my way out. At the time he was also on probation, which he'd obviously violated. He decided to serve the 13 months attached to his probation. While in prison, he went through a treatment program. He made progress and I felt like there could be a light at the end of the tunnel for us. 3 months before his release, his brother/best friend, past away from a lethal combination of drugs. It was devastating for him. His brother meant everything to him, so I knew it was going to hit him hard. He coped and found other inmates extremely supportive, but he acknowledged that it wouldn't be real until he got out. I encouraged him to make a plan for dealing with his grief, but he didn't take me seriously.
Unfortunately, his sobriety didn't last once he got out. He didn't know how to cope with his loss, and he turned to his old friend drugs. He basically went on a meth binge that's lasted 4 months. I realized early on that he was both using and cheating, again. From then on, I made it clear he was no longer welcome in my home. Over the past 4 months, I remained in contact with him, but I am proud to say that I stuck to the boundary I set for myself. He begs for me to take him back almost daily, but I just can't do it anymore.
At this point, I am starting to detach from him completely. Today I had an epiphany. This is my chance to break free from this codependent relationship, and live my life for me. He and I have no children together, nor do we share any property, so it will be a clean break. I think I've been slowly detaching over the past 4 months, and I am ready to cease contact with him. I know I'm the one who holds the key to my own success.
I'd appreciate any support or advice.
Thanks
Mlh, glad to see you here, and on your way to a happier life. I am happy for you that it will be a clean break... that's no small blessing.
And yes, you hold the key! You sound like you have taken back your power. Stay strong, even in times of sadness, if you have them. It will pass, and happiness will win out.
good to meet you. we are here to support you, any time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
"Today I had an epiphany. This is my chance to break free from this codependent relationship, and live my life for me. He and I have no children together, nor do we share any property, so it will be a clean break. I think I've been slowly detaching over the past 4 months, and I am ready to cease contact with him. I know I'm the one who holds the key to my own success.
I'd appreciate any support or advice."
================================================== =====
With all due respect, your statement is strong and full of purpose----we'll give you all
the support and advice you need......but you honestly seem to have a bead on the problem,
are ready to pull the trigger, and are DONE with equivocation.
I'd appreciate any support or advice."
================================================== =====
With all due respect, your statement is strong and full of purpose----we'll give you all
the support and advice you need......but you honestly seem to have a bead on the problem,
are ready to pull the trigger, and are DONE with equivocation.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
MLH, are stories are very similar. No kids, not even living together. jail time involved. I made the break after 3.5 years. It was difficult but necessary. I saw what my life had become and one day it hit me just how insane I was being giving up my life to an addict that really wasn't trying real hard. I am so happy and free. It's amazing to look back and see the damage I let him to do me. You will not regret your decision. Just be strong and don't waiver.
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