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Old 08-22-2014, 05:21 AM
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I am new to this site or any site similar... this is my first time ever posting. I am kind of at my wits end and continue to search for some answers so I am trying this. I am not in recovery, but have many people I love that struggle with addiction. It was not until the past few months that I've done an inventory on how many people in my life have or do struggle with addiction and that it may have affected me more than I realize.
My grandfather was an alcoholic- my mother clearly an ACOA and we've always struggled in our relationship. My brother an alcoholic that was kept a big secret, now we all know. He is clean and has been for a couple years-no rehab or meetings, just cold turkey. He's had several suicide attempts that I've been called to deal with, he struggles with depression and some other mental health issues, and has chronic pain. The love of my life is an alcoholic and has used drugs. I got into the relationship deep and fell in love before I realized what was going on. We were together for the most part of 10 years, then split and its been many years, but we've remained in contact. He still holds my heart... We were suppose to meet up last year-he'd been clean about 8 months, his mother was dying and he needed support. (His father is deceased from alcoholism, and his brother died several years ago from a serious illness, grandparents deceased). He had minimal supports outside of NA friends. One week prior to my flight he started getting weird, excuses about me coming, such as no money, stressful at the house, his anxiety was up, he needed to speak to his sponsor, etc. So I just canceled the flight and never went. His mom died and we've talked a couple of times. I think he's relapsed and I worry about him a lot. In the past couple years I became close to a colleague and later found out they had an addiction to stimulants and opiates. They are now clean- 2 years and doing great, but my relationship has seemed to change with them.
As with the love of my life and now my friend it seems like recovery takes the priority and I am left behind in the dust. I am still in contact with my friend, but our time is so limited now and it feels like the program people are so much more important than me. I was there and supported them and although I understand the importance of these people, I miss the friendship and closeness we had. It is very hurtful and I just don't know what to do. It makes me very sad.... I hate addiction and at times I feel like I hate recovery. I know it all sounds crazy and I do my best... Not sure what to do or how to feel or how to handle. I miss my friend a lot. My love.. well, I know he may die due to his addiction. I miss him too, but given that he lives many states way I have much less contact and know he is struggling with grief, being alone, and his addiction. Anyone have thoughts or ideas for me????
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Old 08-22-2014, 09:45 AM
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Welcome to the Forum selfhelp14!!

The important thing is to get support for yourself, looking in on addiction can be tough, Al-Anon is a great place, you'll also find lots of support here on SR, we have a friends and family section which might be worth checking out for extra advice!!
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