ECHOES

Hi, I'm a recovering alcoholic who grew up in a dysfunctional family/alcoholic family.
Lately I've become more aware of a need to entertain people. I read that this is codependent, I'd never seen it as that.
Does anyone relate to this?

biminiblue

Welcome! There is a whole industry built around that. I don't see that as a bad thing necessarily.

Make it work for you!

ECHOES

Thank you for your reply bit in blue.
But, how can I make it work for me?
Attached to this is guilt and shame that I need to do this. I feel like I'm chasing thst first high again. No matter how many laughs I get, I'm left feeling shame again, feeling like I am using myself just to get cheap laughs.
I hate it.

biminiblue

Well, that's when it becomes a problem.

I think there are a lot of people who have a need to feel validated because they never had that at home. I know I use humor all the time, but I don't have it connected to shame and guilt in my mind.

If you are a naturally funny person but it has become a way to protect yourself, then it has to be detached from that first. There is nothing wrong with making people laugh, but it has gotten twisted in your mind somehow. I obviously don't know enough about you to be much help.

When I was young, I liked being the center of attention. Then I kept ramping that up to stay the center of attention. At some point the whole house of cards comes tumbling down because no one can always be the center of attention. That was my experience. Now I share the conversations with everyone and don't try to be the funniest or the smartest or the fastest or the best. I'm not, and it is a relief to stop trying to be. If I happen to come up with something witty, well yay. But if I don't, oh well.

I learned that it isn't all about me. That kinda hurts on one hand, but it is very freeing on the other.

Kialua

Never done that, I was the one to hide all the time. Stay out of the way out of the spotlight, and away from danger.

ECHOES

I think it's that 'fight or flight' thing. I try to control people by keeping them happy with me so they don't hurt me.

ladyscribbler

For me it has been a defense mechanism as well. If someone is laughing they are unlikely to fly into a rage.
I will also try to hide and camouflage myself in social situations, but when that's not possible I have noticed a tendency to go into "entertainer" mode.
Food for thought. Good thread, thanks.

Kialua

My A Dad was just as liable to fly into a rage in the middle of him laughing as to when he dropped something or bumped into a doorway. He was unpredictable. It was always best to hide or keep a low profile in my home.

NWGRITS

The pressure was always on to impress people. I grew up with an NPD mother, so naturally the world revolved around what the world thought about her/us. I've just started forcing myself to scale back when it comes to social situations or legitimate entertaining. I go overboard constantly. Nothing is ever good enough. I can't take a compliment on my efforts or ever simply enjoy the moment. It's all about whether or not everyone is enjoying themselves, is the food good enough, did I put up enough decorations, should I have made punch or a fresh batch of sweet tea. I would probably make an excellent party planner in an alternate universe where I didn't have anxiety over it all. The worst part of this? I always, ALWAYS end up dreading whatever event/social situation it is, and would rather just scrap the whole thing. Every time.

ECHOES

My mother was narcissistic and depressive.
I think I needed to make her become 'Alive' because otherwise she was just an empty mother. I think that's partly it too.