paula a.

My AH came home from work this morning and asked if I wanted to go out with a couple of guys he works with and their wives tonight. These nights generally turn into "let's see who can buy the next round the quickest". I actually enjoy the company of one or two of these people, but the rest make me nuts as they are like my H and don't know when to say when. If I go I am in for the inevitable, "let's stop here for one" all the way home, I think there are about six taverns on the route that AH loves to visit.

My first thought was "no, I don't want to go", now as I sit here thinking about it, I do feel like going for a little while. Am I enabling him by agreeing to go, or doesn't it count as enabling if it's something I want to do??
Paula

Lorelai

Paula -
If you want to go, you should go. I would just take my own car which would avoid being put in the position of riding with someone who is drunk and would allow me to go home when I wanted to.
L

paula a.

There lies the problem, since his last dui we are a one vehicle family, so if I go, I'm trapped with the nonsense that goes with it. I am just so tired of unintentionally avoiding my friends because I am trying to avoid my AH's behavior! I guess I will tell him I'll go on the condition that we leave when I'm ready to leave. Yeah, bet that'll work!lol

Lorelai

You don't have to give him any conditions. Just tell him before you go that, when you are ready to go home, you will tell him. He can decide whether to stay and ride home with someone else or go with you. Either way, you're fine with it.

Then, of course, you have to be fine with it - that's the challenge. It is possible - I've done it a lot.
L