njw1968

So today my son went to jail yet again for failing a drug test. Not sure how that helps. Guess it's punishment. Is this going to be our life? He is only 17. A constant roller coaster. I can't believe all of the drugs he has done at such a young she and I don't even know the full extent. What does it take? When he gets kicked out of drug court and gets the felony conviction for stealing the neighbors prescription he will never be able to get a job and his mentality will be like, just screw it, I'm a loser and always will be. I'm so frightened for his life and can't stand living like this. His 16 year old sister definitely doesn't deserve this.

ddincrisis

This is a hard one because at 17 he technically is still a child, but he still has to be responsible for his choices. A 17 year old sober child is already a handful. I'm sure the drug just enhances the irrational behavior. As parents we are supposed to provide our children with healthy environments, proper nutrition, and guidance. Since it sounds like a lot of battling is going on I would tell him that you will provide him with that but nothing more. No money, no vehicle to drive to get a hold of drugs, no cell phone to gain access to people with drugs, etc... I wouldn't "ground" him persay but I would not provide him with anything extra. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Let him know that you will not tolerate drugs in the house and if he brings them there you will call the police. If he continues this behavior after he turns 18, I would let him know that he would have to leave. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My addicts are my parents. My children are still young and I pray I never have to go through it with them. This emotional roller coaster is such and emotional strain, but I'm thankful we have this community to come to with our thoughts, worries, and rants. Stay strong. Maybe jail will be what he needs this time to get him back on a path to recovery.

bookreader

hey njw -
there is so much to respond to in your post. First, I would say if he is in jail he is safe' you know where he is and can relax a bit. It took many jail terms for me to realize that I could relax, stop worrying, give the drama a rest while he was incarcerated.
Your son is still young. Think about boundaries like dd said; use this time to prepare for when he comes back out.
you asked: is this going to be our life.
for now, yes. but not forever. everything changes.
you said your daughter doesn't deserve 'this'. don't give her 'this' -
I have found that my other children don't want to hear about all the actions of the addict, don't want to hear about the fights with insurance companies, police, clinics, all of it. My other kids don't want me to be consumed with this addict. They want to hear about their brother. that doesn't mean they are in denial about what he is doing; they just don't want it to be about this kid's problems 24/7.
don't know if any of this helps.
be strong -
b.

desypete

at 17 he is still young enough to change his way of life, i dont know anything about drug addiction so i can not comment on the help that is out there for them other than na of course as i do know like aa they run meetings in prisons so if they operate in the jail he is in maybe you can try and point him in that direction ?

my path with drink took me to prison very early on in my life and cost me so much in my life, but i managed to turn it all around and go on to rebuild my life, so at 17 he has a great chance to turn it all around.
i hope he does and good luck to you

iamunique

((njw)) Sorry to hear you are going thru this. it sounds mean, but I Used to get some relief when my son went to jail, Cuz i knew he wasnt out running the streets then.
I Know You are worried abt the future, but try to remember all we have is 'today'.
I Know It Is hard to focus on anything else but what the addict is doing, when I first came around to SR ppl understood that. They gave me wonderful suggestions like:
Go to a meeting, do a step, allow yourself to do something just for yourself each day
Try to remember that " worrying is like a rocking chair, you keep rocking and rocking but you never get anywhere." That quote still helps me to remember how powerless I am over my son's
addiction. I was just reminded of the 3 C' s again:
We didn't cause it, we can't change, we can't cure it.
SR taught me to have hope, that as long as my son is still sucking in air, there is hope.
I will pray for you and your family that God will give you the guidance and strength you need.
Huge Hugs,
iamunique

zoso77

Well, yes, he's just 17. But he made some seriously bad choices, and now, he's rightfully paying the price for those choices. Yes, he's still a child in a lot of ways. But just because you're his mom doesn't mean you are always obligated to save him from himself. If you did, what message would that send?

Right now, it's time to step back and take a deep breath. You have another child who needs you.

There are a lot of moms here at FFSA who have, in one way or another, had their hearts broken by their addict children. Some of them have had to make impossible choices. Pay attention to their stories and the lessons learned from those experiences. It could very well save your sanity.

njw1968

I just want to say thank you thank you thank you to everyone for your words of hope and encouragement. I am so happy I found SR and am going to encourage my son to join as well when he gets home. Such a relief to know I am not alone. Prayers and hugs to each and everyone of you. Addiction sucks and we all need one another.