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Don't know where to start with this..

Old 08-20-2014, 09:11 AM
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Don't know where to start with this..

Hi guys, I'm currently a 33 year old man who definitely needs some help. I'm without a doubt an alcoholic. Once the first drink starts it keeps going. I must then drink till I black out. It's uncontrollable.

I finally got the nerve to post on this site, I've been browsing for a while. I know I need help, because I can't do it alone. It's getting progressively worse. I don't drink every night (I know that doesn't matter to determining if a person is an alcoholic, cause I most certainly know I am), but the nights I do drink its far beyond any normal person. I'm easily at an entire fifth of vodka (sometimes an entire litre) a night when I do drink. Yes, I know, its too much and it will kill me.

My wife I don't think has any idea the level of alcoholism I've reached. She thinks I only drink one or two beers a night. She doesn't know about the hidden vodka bottles around the house that get consumed in secret. I usually wait till she goes to bed then the serious boozing happens.

I can't seem to stop. As much as I tell myself I won't drink, It always seems to go down that road.... In fact I think I am still a little drunk from last night.. (Had a whole litre of vodka)

I HATE not remembering the night, I HATE waking up with a hangover. I want to be done with this! Why does this $15 bottle of crap control my life? I'm sick of it and I want out...

I don't know what I was looking for when I was writing this. I guess I just needed to vent to someone who will understand. When I hint at the topic with my parents they just laugh and say "oh just don't drink so much". They don't understand where I'm at with this. If I could stop at a beer or two I'd be ok. But I can't, and I know I can't. So I'm guessing the only solution is to avoid it entirely. Day one starts now.
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:14 AM
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Welcome to SR This is a great community! Congrats on your decision to get sober. Have you thought of what you'll do once the urges hit? Can you change up your routine a bit, or do some things to take your mind off drinking?
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:16 AM
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Hi thanks Jennie. That's the part im very scared of. I usually start the drinking when I'm bored. If anyone has some good suggestions I'm totally up to it.

In fact, unfortunately, the major driving force behind my drinking is boredom then it just spirals out of control.

So I kinda don't know what to do...
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:18 AM
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Sounds, in many ways, an awful lot like me. late, late night, after teh wife was asleep, when the REAL drinking would start. Towards the end, there was a lot of bottle-hiding going on for me too.

I'm on 10 days. It gets better after the first couple. GET HELP. Go to meetings, get a therapist, and SEE YOUR DR. Believe me. The more/bigger your support group, including your wife, the better.
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:18 AM
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Might be time to get busy in the evenings. Are there any hobbies you used to do? Are you interested in any subject you'd like to study? Exercise? Reading and exercise are some things I did very early on.
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:23 AM
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Hobbers congrats on 10 days thats awesome! Yeah I definitely do need help. I'm starting to recently wake up and discover bottles I hid that are empty in the mornings. Its a sickening feeling not even remember hiding them there.

I'm a little reluctant to see a Dr. I know its the best course of action but I usually can not drink for a few days and be "ok" so I don't think I will experience severe withdrawal.

I actually am very interested in computer programming I think I may start to study for that or look into some evening classes so I can control my urges. That's a great suggestion thanks Jennie.
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:26 AM
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Hobbies, and lots of them,. are important- especially early on. you need to find things to do to keep your mind on other things (any other things) than drinking.

I re-took up video games, walking the dogs, and exercising. I have dropped 5lb already since I stopped drinking (and 10 before that when I WAS drinking, because it killed my appetite...)
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:30 AM
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thedudebro
welcome to the posting side, really good first step
I did most of my drinking after everyone went to bed, and my wife was somewhat surprised at how much I was actually drinking, she thought she saw most of it, she did not.
keep checking in, post , ask , read
wish you well and hope to see you around
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:31 AM
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I also hid bottles. I still don't think my husband knew the full extent. I've admitted to a lot but of course, I also was buying booze on the sly and smuggling bottles out so he wouldn't see them in the recycling bin. When it reaches that state, it's horrible. I had a daily strong dependency. I needed booze every day. The last year it was at about one bottle of wine a day which was hard to stick with, that was my version of moderation.

It's is SO nice now to be free of booze. I was a literal slave to it. And I can meet parents and not worry if they can smell booze on me. I don't wake up worried about something I emailed or posted.

In fact, not drinking has had a very calming affect on me. I rarely email or post on FB. I closed down my FB acct for a bit after I quit but recently opened it but rarely look at it. I rarely watch TV which is weird. I used to watch way too much TV! and sit in my comfy "cuddler" chair and drink.

My kids and husband aren't scared of me. They used to scatter once home. Run for their rooms and office to give me the space I used to demand.

Now they can hang around me, they hug me more.

Things between my husband and I have gone from fairly lousy to really good and getting better. He just did everything for me and I just used to take and give nothing in return. I resented my husband, I resented my kids.

I could probably go on and on but I need to pick up my daughter and her friend. They went to get their school schedules. I can do that now and not be worried. Worried about how much I drank, worried about cops, worried if my breath smelled of booze.

To say alcohol increases anxiety, which I didn't believe before, is an understatement. It made me crazy with anxiety. Life is SO much easier without booze.
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:34 AM
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Hi-I'm so glad you joined SR! My drinking is similar in that I have been drinking a fifth of vodka almost every night. This I such a great place for support and ideas (as you have already seen) Good luck to you. I am only on day 2 so I have no good advice but stay strong! I know it will be worth all of the effort. You can see the joy and peace in the posters who have some solid sober time and if we can stay strong we can get there too.
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Old 08-20-2014, 09:35 AM
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I'm so thankful that I found this site honestly. It feels good to know you aren't alone and there are people who have suffered through the same things. Having to hide bottles is beyond ridiculous and I want to stop this madness.
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Old 08-20-2014, 10:04 AM
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Since u have been consuming a large amount of alcohol daily you may really need medical detox. Not to be a Debbie downer but its really going to be hard and dangerous to just stop abruptly. Afterwards u can focus on staying stopped.
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Old 08-20-2014, 10:08 AM
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Learn, exercise and read are my go too's. I can either go home and get wasted for the next 12 hours and lose more of who I really am or exercise for 30 min then go home, not drink, feel good and re-find who I really am.

Keep yourself busy

Welcome

(A $15 bottle of crap used to rule my life too) It's so crazy!
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:00 AM
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TDB, welcome here.

You're a lot like me - not everyday, but off to the races when you did. Hiding bottles, stashing empties in garbage bags already in the can, creative use of the recycling bin, yep, yep, yep.

There are many people on this site who have lost something due to alcohol. There are some who've lost everything to alcohol. And there are some, like you and me, who were ticking time bombs ready to join these camps. I came close. You must be coming close.

Now's the best time to stop, before something happens you can't take back.

And abstinence is a great path to start down. You don't need to worry about the 12th drink (or the 20th) if you don't have the 1st.

A word of caution about the Dr. though. Mine put me on Pristiq/Effexor, and I wished I had never started taking those meds. If they had just got me to quit drinking, I would have likely never needed the meds in the first place.
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:02 AM
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Originally Posted by soberjuly View Post
I also hid bottles. I still don't think my husband knew the full extent. I've admitted to a lot but of course, I also was buying booze on the sly and smuggling bottles out so he wouldn't see them in the recycling bin. When it reaches that state, it's horrible. I had a daily strong dependency. I needed booze every day. The last year it was at about one bottle of wine a day which was hard to stick with, that was my version of moderation.

It's is SO nice now to be free of booze. I was a literal slave to it. And I can meet parents and not worry if they can smell booze on me. I don't wake up worried about something I emailed or posted.

In fact, not drinking has had a very calming affect on me. I rarely email or post on FB. I closed down my FB acct for a bit after I quit but recently opened it but rarely look at it. I rarely watch TV which is weird. I used to watch way too much TV! and sit in my comfy "cuddler" chair and drink.

My kids and husband aren't scared of me. They used to scatter once home. Run for their rooms and office to give me the space I used to demand.

Now they can hang around me, they hug me more.

Things between my husband and I have gone from fairly lousy to really good and getting better. He just did everything for me and I just used to take and give nothing in return. I resented my husband, I resented my kids.

I could probably go on and on but I need to pick up my daughter and her friend. They went to get their school schedules. I can do that now and not be worried. Worried about how much I drank, worried about cops, worried if my breath smelled of booze.

To say alcohol increases anxiety, which I didn't believe before, is an understatement. It made me crazy with anxiety. Life is SO much easier without booze.

This was such an meaningful post for me, thanks for sharing this.
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:27 AM
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Welcome to the Forum!!

Sobriety is about more than simply not drinking, I tried that for a long time but never achieved any long term results, instead I realised that it took more, a change in routine, a new lifestyle, one that doesn't facilitate alcohol anymore, the people I hung out with, the activities I got involved in, sorting out that boredom that you mentioned!!

Nothing changes if nothing changes, but it's also going to take a lot of support to do it, because when I was sitting on my own, trying to not think about alcohol, guess what I thought about? I would convince myself to drink every night because that is what my mind wanted me to do, and no one was there to tell me otherwise, support will therefore help to short circuit those thought processes, those internal arguments you'll have with yourself over and over about whether to give up or continue with Sobriety!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Welcome aboard!!
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Old 08-20-2014, 11:50 AM
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Hi Kiddo your safe here.. nothing hidden Souls and Hearts are open.. wow 33 that was 1983....and your bored haahhahaha dance your wife around the kitchen plan a short trip for a weekend. think of the money you will be saving.. if you need a hobby take up bowling.. racket ball... dancing with your wife.. walk the park.. become an extra in a movie.. no kidding we have been extras for a Zomibie Movie haahahahhah.. I get my Hubby into all kinds of things he never says bored anymore.. If you have a Dry Hootch for Vets near you start going there to talk to others that have drinking and PTSD problems.. bake cookies or make sandwiches before you go other .. they have a bunch that are homeless and you will find this is a good out let.. hook up with your County Fair and Volunteer for weekend events ahahaha we are so tried we drop.. plan meals with your wife lets cook.. check out your Community college or Univeristy for small free classes that happen during the year.. we love it to bits... row swim join the YMCA for families.. and check out your church for things going on. so much Your Life is wide open.. go outside tonight with your wife and look up at the stars and say You know what a Lady Clown Told me ? a Billion Blue Stars watch us all every night in nopes for a better tomorrow.. love a Mom a Blue Star time for another 24 hours of grace please ardy...
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Old 08-21-2014, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by TheDudeBro View Post
I'm so thankful that I found this site honestly. It feels good to know you aren't alone and there are people who have suffered through the same things. Having to hide bottles is beyond ridiculous and I want to stop this madness.
Welcome! Keep reading and posting. There's a lot of information, inspiration and support here. I can honestly say finding this site has changed my life.
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