almost 5 months, but not happy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
almost 5 months, but not happy
In a week i will have 5 months.
Despite the good things that happened to me lately, i don't feel even near happiness.
It started about 3 weeks ago, and it doesn't seem to leave like other PAWS simptoms i had.
I simply lost all my good mood, i can't enjoy neither small or big things and recently i discovered that i started to act like crap with many people and i'm loosing my confidence with no reason.
I was prepared for a lot of things, cravings, paws simptoms, but i wasn't prepared for a full month, non stop episode of crap! What the hell is going on with me?
Despite the good things that happened to me lately, i don't feel even near happiness.
It started about 3 weeks ago, and it doesn't seem to leave like other PAWS simptoms i had.
I simply lost all my good mood, i can't enjoy neither small or big things and recently i discovered that i started to act like crap with many people and i'm loosing my confidence with no reason.
I was prepared for a lot of things, cravings, paws simptoms, but i wasn't prepared for a full month, non stop episode of crap! What the hell is going on with me?
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I go through all of that. It seems easier to pull myself out of it since I stopped getting intoxicated on a regular basis. I don't know if I am a 'happy' person 'deep down'. Not even sure if I know what that may be.
I am pretty sure that going back to seeking the eternal buzz won't help that , I think doing that made it worse. I am considering going and 'seeing' someone. I don't think all the abuse I put my mind and body through over the years helped, if it doesn't even out for the better soon, I just may. I don't think you are alone though, wish you well
I am pretty sure that going back to seeking the eternal buzz won't help that , I think doing that made it worse. I am considering going and 'seeing' someone. I don't think all the abuse I put my mind and body through over the years helped, if it doesn't even out for the better soon, I just may. I don't think you are alone though, wish you well
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
The first year of sobriety ..ain't no walk in the park now is it?
SR member "fini" gave me the following last year..
I really wish I had taken a look at it during my 3-6 month mark of sobriety last year.
stages" of recovery
this is from a handout i got years ago. don't know who the author is, so no-one gets the credit, but do know many have said it's been of help to them.
if it's not appropriate here, maybe a moderator can put it where it fits better.
withdrawal stage(1 to 2 weeks): people who drank alcohol in large amounts may have severe withdrawal symptoms. these may include nausea,low energy, anxiety, shakiness, depression, intense emotions, insomnia, irritability, difficulty concentrating and memory problems. these symptoms typically last 3 to 5 days, but can last up to several weeks.
early abstinence (4 weeks; follows withdrawal): for people who used alcohol, this period is marked most by the brain's recovery. although the physical withdrawal symptoms have ended, the client's brain is still getting used to the absence of the substance. thinking may be unclear, concentration may be poor, nervousness and anxiety may be troubling, sleep is often irregular, and, in many ways, life feels too intense.
protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence): from six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms -difficulties with thoughts and feelings- are caused buy the continual healing process in the brain. this period is called 'The Wall'. it is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry. if clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. the most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence. relapse risk goes up during this period. it is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. exercise helps tremendously during this period. for most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
readjustment (2 months; follows protracted abstinence):after five months, the brain has recovered substantially. now the client's main task is developing a life that has fulfilling activities that support continued recovery. because cravings occur less often and feel less intense, clients may be less aware of relapse risk and put themselves in high-risk situations and increase their relapse risk.
avoiding relapse drift: relapse does not happen without warning, and it usually does not happen quickly. the gradual movement from abstinence to relapse can be subtle and often underestimated. so it often feels as if it happens suddenly. this slow movement away from abstinence can be compared to a ship gradually drifting away from where it was moored. the drifting movement can be so slow that you don't even notice it.
during recovery, people do specific things that keep them abstinent. these activities can be called "mooring lines". try and see what you are doing to keep yourself abstinent. list the mooring lines in a specific way so they are clear and measurable. these activities are the "ropes" that hold recovery in place and prevent relapse drift from happening without being noticed......
(.....here follows a chart of a column to list all specific mooring lines( for example going to gym, reading sobriety stuff, recreational activities, peer support activities et cetera) followed by columns for the days of the week. i don't know how to do charts on the computer, so use your imagination)
it is helpful to complete you mooring lines chart weekly. place a checkmark next to each mooring line that you know is secure and record the date. when two or more items cannot be checked, it may mean that relapse drift is happening. .....blablabla..... use the chart to recognize when you are more likely to relapse and decide what to do to keep this from happening.
SR member "fini" gave me the following last year..
I really wish I had taken a look at it during my 3-6 month mark of sobriety last year.
stages" of recovery
this is from a handout i got years ago. don't know who the author is, so no-one gets the credit, but do know many have said it's been of help to them.
if it's not appropriate here, maybe a moderator can put it where it fits better.
withdrawal stage(1 to 2 weeks): people who drank alcohol in large amounts may have severe withdrawal symptoms. these may include nausea,low energy, anxiety, shakiness, depression, intense emotions, insomnia, irritability, difficulty concentrating and memory problems. these symptoms typically last 3 to 5 days, but can last up to several weeks.
early abstinence (4 weeks; follows withdrawal): for people who used alcohol, this period is marked most by the brain's recovery. although the physical withdrawal symptoms have ended, the client's brain is still getting used to the absence of the substance. thinking may be unclear, concentration may be poor, nervousness and anxiety may be troubling, sleep is often irregular, and, in many ways, life feels too intense.
protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence): from six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms -difficulties with thoughts and feelings- are caused buy the continual healing process in the brain. this period is called 'The Wall'. it is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry. if clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. the most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence. relapse risk goes up during this period. it is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. exercise helps tremendously during this period. for most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
readjustment (2 months; follows protracted abstinence):after five months, the brain has recovered substantially. now the client's main task is developing a life that has fulfilling activities that support continued recovery. because cravings occur less often and feel less intense, clients may be less aware of relapse risk and put themselves in high-risk situations and increase their relapse risk.
avoiding relapse drift: relapse does not happen without warning, and it usually does not happen quickly. the gradual movement from abstinence to relapse can be subtle and often underestimated. so it often feels as if it happens suddenly. this slow movement away from abstinence can be compared to a ship gradually drifting away from where it was moored. the drifting movement can be so slow that you don't even notice it.
during recovery, people do specific things that keep them abstinent. these activities can be called "mooring lines". try and see what you are doing to keep yourself abstinent. list the mooring lines in a specific way so they are clear and measurable. these activities are the "ropes" that hold recovery in place and prevent relapse drift from happening without being noticed......
(.....here follows a chart of a column to list all specific mooring lines( for example going to gym, reading sobriety stuff, recreational activities, peer support activities et cetera) followed by columns for the days of the week. i don't know how to do charts on the computer, so use your imagination)
it is helpful to complete you mooring lines chart weekly. place a checkmark next to each mooring line that you know is secure and record the date. when two or more items cannot be checked, it may mean that relapse drift is happening. .....blablabla..... use the chart to recognize when you are more likely to relapse and decide what to do to keep this from happening.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
This normally happens and is normal if we could keep our mood good all the time that would be nice but the world don't work like that and neither do our moods I was a bit down this week but knowing it I decided I want to be happy again so immersered myself with different people and different views (as we are scoring at the same goal)
What are you currently doing activity wise ? Parks are good, friends on here are better and before I know it I am OK again
Really amazing 5 months WOW these stories inspire me and Im grateful
What are you currently doing activity wise ? Parks are good, friends on here are better and before I know it I am OK again
Really amazing 5 months WOW these stories inspire me and Im grateful
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Congratulations on your 5 months of recovery. Good for you!
I wonder what other changes you've made in your life besides stopping drinking? It could be that you need some new activities and/or new people in your life.
I wonder what other changes you've made in your life besides stopping drinking? It could be that you need some new activities and/or new people in your life.
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
When I feel this way, I often wonder:
"Is this was normal people feel like?"
I'm guessing they do - we're just not used to it as for years/decades, we've killed these feelings with booze.
I'm at about 1 1/2 months, and when I feel kind of dumpy, I try to embrace what feeling dumpy feels like. It allows me to believe that I'm approaching "normal".
"Is this was normal people feel like?"
I'm guessing they do - we're just not used to it as for years/decades, we've killed these feelings with booze.
I'm at about 1 1/2 months, and when I feel kind of dumpy, I try to embrace what feeling dumpy feels like. It allows me to believe that I'm approaching "normal".
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
I think people who have never drank feel this way. It's normal.... the emotional ups and downs of life. Life is balance. When I drank it was always pleasure and "normal" felt like hell because I wasn't used to it. I'm still new at this but there's one feeling I love every day and that's waking up in the morning with no remorse from drinking the night before. I hope that makes some sense. I'm not very good at writing or expressing.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Spring, TX
Posts: 41
I'm 3 months in and I feel similar things. I'm glad I'm sober. I'm happy with mending relationships. However, this initial period has been intense focus on daily improvement. I feel like I'm getting to a mental juncture of asking "now what" now that I have passed this first phase.
You are doing the right thing. Life is going to continue to present struggles. Facing them with a clear head is going to help face them.
CK
You are doing the right thing. Life is going to continue to present struggles. Facing them with a clear head is going to help face them.
CK
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Originally Posted by oldsoul1122 
I think people who have never drank feel this way. It's normal.... the emotional ups and downs of life. Life is balance. When I drank it was always pleasure and "normal" felt like hell because I wasn't used to it. I'm still new at this but there's one feeling I love every day and that's waking up in the morning with no remorse from drinking the night before. I hope that makes some sense. I'm not very good at writing or expressing.
Not only do I not miss the remorse, I also don't miss the headache, dizziness, and shakes. Oh, and the craving for the next drink at about 11 AM.
And just keeping it to a day at a time is so important.
"I may not feel great today, but I may feel better tomorrow" Lather, rinse, repeat until you find you do actually feel better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
Not to discourage anyone but it probably took me the best part of a year to feel like I was consistently happy with life, and to trust that feeling.
I was used to feeling unhappy. That was my default state for decades.
It takes a little time to come out of that. Then every low or bad day you have makes you scared you've gone backwards....you haven't, it's just life - a string of good and not so good days with a few really bad days in the mix
I'm with Anna tho - I'm interested to know what other changes you've made to your life besides not drinking WS?
D
I was used to feeling unhappy. That was my default state for decades.
It takes a little time to come out of that. Then every low or bad day you have makes you scared you've gone backwards....you haven't, it's just life - a string of good and not so good days with a few really bad days in the mix
I'm with Anna tho - I'm interested to know what other changes you've made to your life besides not drinking WS?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I think most of us were shocked when life suddenly got in our face after we got sober. Life and all it's problems was suddenly there, in sharp focus. I remember how I used to postpone decisions, miss appointments, cancel events and find a million ways to avoid life's uncomfortable aspects, with the numbing effects of alcohol.
I felt like I hadn't really dealt with life on life's terms for almost 3 decades. And then, bam, there it all was when I got sober.
I did go through a period when I hated being sober almost as much as I had hated drinking. So, I was just plain miserable with everything. But I can promise you, It WILL pass.
I think at some point in recovery it is probably a very good idea to examine our definition of happiness. How realistic are our expectations?
I told a friend in recovery I wished there was a book called "Happiness for Dummies". That is how unfamiliar I was with being happy. I simply didn't know how. My MO as a drinker was to be a victim and find misery. I was really good at that.
I developed the attitude that happiness was sort of a job: sounds crazy yes, but it didn't come easy to me.
And after years of sobriety I know myself, I have learned who I am and I am not ever going to be one of those bubbly over the top happy people. But, I find great contentment in life's simple things, I find a feeling of huge gratitude and I have learned to develop the ability to feel happier with most things that used to upset me. So, thats pretty good.
I felt like I hadn't really dealt with life on life's terms for almost 3 decades. And then, bam, there it all was when I got sober.
I did go through a period when I hated being sober almost as much as I had hated drinking. So, I was just plain miserable with everything. But I can promise you, It WILL pass.
I think at some point in recovery it is probably a very good idea to examine our definition of happiness. How realistic are our expectations?
I told a friend in recovery I wished there was a book called "Happiness for Dummies". That is how unfamiliar I was with being happy. I simply didn't know how. My MO as a drinker was to be a victim and find misery. I was really good at that.
I developed the attitude that happiness was sort of a job: sounds crazy yes, but it didn't come easy to me.
And after years of sobriety I know myself, I have learned who I am and I am not ever going to be one of those bubbly over the top happy people. But, I find great contentment in life's simple things, I find a feeling of huge gratitude and I have learned to develop the ability to feel happier with most things that used to upset me. So, thats pretty good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
First i want to thank everyone for your interrest and understanding.
About recovery, i left all my drinking buddies, i moved to a new place, went to gym(lately i started to like it less) i'm studying in my free time to get a better job(it seems much harder now).
I'm not craving or miss alcohol, but i don't think it's normal to be grumpy even when i got areally nice present for example. If i'm unable to enjoy life when it's good, what am i going to do when bad days will come?
About recovery, i left all my drinking buddies, i moved to a new place, went to gym(lately i started to like it less) i'm studying in my free time to get a better job(it seems much harder now).
I'm not craving or miss alcohol, but i don't think it's normal to be grumpy even when i got areally nice present for example. If i'm unable to enjoy life when it's good, what am i going to do when bad days will come?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by weirdesttoner
Despite the good things that happened to me lately, i don't feel even near happiness.
(staying grateful) will at many times lead to great happiness
M-Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Dee74
is the anger new or has it been there for a while WS?
D
D
I think the problem is, i haven't made new friends. And besides coworkers and family i don't have other people in my life. Bit i don't understand, i was lonely before and it didn't bothered me.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
I don't "feel" the greatest either and am having trouble getting motivated about anything. I don't know exactly what is wrong but I do know a drink won't help. I suppose walking thru days like these will build character or give wisdom but I would like that NOW please. Weird, I'm with you at 2+ months--am trying to be a casual observer and let this pass but wishing I had a FF button.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
The first year of sobriety ..ain't no walk in the park now is it?
SR member "fini" gave me the following last year..
I really wish I had taken a look at it during my 3-6 month mark of sobriety last year.
stages" of recovery
this is from a handout i got years ago. don't know who the author is, so no-one gets the credit, but do know many have said it's been of help to them.
if it's not appropriate here, maybe a moderator can put it where it fits better.
withdrawal stage(1 to 2 weeks): people who drank alcohol in large amounts may have severe withdrawal symptoms. these may include nausea,low energy, anxiety, shakiness, depression, intense emotions, insomnia, irritability, difficulty concentrating and memory problems. these symptoms typically last 3 to 5 days, but can last up to several weeks.
early abstinence (4 weeks; follows withdrawal): for people who used alcohol, this period is marked most by the brain's recovery. although the physical withdrawal symptoms have ended, the client's brain is still getting used to the absence of the substance. thinking may be unclear, concentration may be poor, nervousness and anxiety may be troubling, sleep is often irregular, and, in many ways, life feels too intense.
protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence): from six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms -difficulties with thoughts and feelings- are caused buy the continual healing process in the brain. this period is called 'The Wall'. it is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry. if clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. the most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence. relapse risk goes up during this period. it is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. exercise helps tremendously during this period. for most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
readjustment (2 months; follows protracted abstinence):after five months, the brain has recovered substantially. now the client's main task is developing a life that has fulfilling activities that support continued recovery. because cravings occur less often and feel less intense, clients may be less aware of relapse risk and put themselves in high-risk situations and increase their relapse risk.
avoiding relapse drift: relapse does not happen without warning, and it usually does not happen quickly. the gradual movement from abstinence to relapse can be subtle and often underestimated. so it often feels as if it happens suddenly. this slow movement away from abstinence can be compared to a ship gradually drifting away from where it was moored. the drifting movement can be so slow that you don't even notice it.
during recovery, people do specific things that keep them abstinent. these activities can be called "mooring lines". try and see what you are doing to keep yourself abstinent. list the mooring lines in a specific way so they are clear and measurable. these activities are the "ropes" that hold recovery in place and prevent relapse drift from happening without being noticed......
(.....here follows a chart of a column to list all specific mooring lines( for example going to gym, reading sobriety stuff, recreational activities, peer support activities et cetera) followed by columns for the days of the week. i don't know how to do charts on the computer, so use your imagination)
it is helpful to complete you mooring lines chart weekly. place a checkmark next to each mooring line that you know is secure and record the date. when two or more items cannot be checked, it may mean that relapse drift is happening. .....blablabla..... use the chart to recognize when you are more likely to relapse and decide what to do to keep this from happening.
SR member "fini" gave me the following last year..
I really wish I had taken a look at it during my 3-6 month mark of sobriety last year.
stages" of recovery
this is from a handout i got years ago. don't know who the author is, so no-one gets the credit, but do know many have said it's been of help to them.
if it's not appropriate here, maybe a moderator can put it where it fits better.
withdrawal stage(1 to 2 weeks): people who drank alcohol in large amounts may have severe withdrawal symptoms. these may include nausea,low energy, anxiety, shakiness, depression, intense emotions, insomnia, irritability, difficulty concentrating and memory problems. these symptoms typically last 3 to 5 days, but can last up to several weeks.
early abstinence (4 weeks; follows withdrawal): for people who used alcohol, this period is marked most by the brain's recovery. although the physical withdrawal symptoms have ended, the client's brain is still getting used to the absence of the substance. thinking may be unclear, concentration may be poor, nervousness and anxiety may be troubling, sleep is often irregular, and, in many ways, life feels too intense.
protracted abstinence (2 to 5 months; follows early abstinence): from six weeks to five months after clients stop using, they may experience a variety of annoying and troublesome symptoms. these symptoms -difficulties with thoughts and feelings- are caused buy the continual healing process in the brain. this period is called 'The Wall'. it is important for clients to be aware that some of the feelings during this period are the result of changes in brain chemistry. if clients remain abstinent, the feelings will pass. the most common symptoms are depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating, low energy and a general lack of enthusiasm. clients also may experience strong cravings during protracted abstinence. relapse risk goes up during this period. it is helpful to stay focused on staying abstinent one day at a time. exercise helps tremendously during this period. for most clients, completing this phase in recovery is a major achievement.
readjustment (2 months; follows protracted abstinence):after five months, the brain has recovered substantially. now the client's main task is developing a life that has fulfilling activities that support continued recovery. because cravings occur less often and feel less intense, clients may be less aware of relapse risk and put themselves in high-risk situations and increase their relapse risk.
avoiding relapse drift: relapse does not happen without warning, and it usually does not happen quickly. the gradual movement from abstinence to relapse can be subtle and often underestimated. so it often feels as if it happens suddenly. this slow movement away from abstinence can be compared to a ship gradually drifting away from where it was moored. the drifting movement can be so slow that you don't even notice it.
during recovery, people do specific things that keep them abstinent. these activities can be called "mooring lines". try and see what you are doing to keep yourself abstinent. list the mooring lines in a specific way so they are clear and measurable. these activities are the "ropes" that hold recovery in place and prevent relapse drift from happening without being noticed......
(.....here follows a chart of a column to list all specific mooring lines( for example going to gym, reading sobriety stuff, recreational activities, peer support activities et cetera) followed by columns for the days of the week. i don't know how to do charts on the computer, so use your imagination)
it is helpful to complete you mooring lines chart weekly. place a checkmark next to each mooring line that you know is secure and record the date. when two or more items cannot be checked, it may mean that relapse drift is happening. .....blablabla..... use the chart to recognize when you are more likely to relapse and decide what to do to keep this from happening.
While everyone is different, I do appreciate the "template" of what to watch out for/likely expectations in the future short term.
VERY HELPFUL POST!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by weirdesttoner
i was lonely before and it didn't bothered me.
I drank alone up here on the mountain for a long time
Guess that I washed away the loneliness with the bottle
Yes the liquid devil kept me company
In sobriety it seems that we need more contact with others
During the week if I feel out of sorts
I hit a AA meeting
It's good to get out with other sober ones
Plus watching the newcomers come in
Keeps one very humble
Mountainmanbob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Ok, now i definitely know that it's a PAWS symptom.
Today when i got out of the house, my anxiety level has gone trough the roof, i was afraid to talk to the cashier, something that i've not experienced since 30 March, at 2 days after i quit. Probably it's another wave, since Sunday i'll have 5 months.
Looking back, compared to my withdrawal (pretty mild), my paws symptoms are quite scary. I just hope that it will pass during the following week..
Today when i got out of the house, my anxiety level has gone trough the roof, i was afraid to talk to the cashier, something that i've not experienced since 30 March, at 2 days after i quit. Probably it's another wave, since Sunday i'll have 5 months.
Looking back, compared to my withdrawal (pretty mild), my paws symptoms are quite scary. I just hope that it will pass during the following week..
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