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I have been separated from my AH for 4 months. At first I felt a huge relief, but now I am finding that he is trying to suck me back in. My problem, of course, is that I seem unable to set my boundaries in such a way that they are respected.

We have 3 children and I am doing my best to keep everything amicable for everyone's sake. AH has also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which is a new title for the same old behaviours.

He tends to come over to the house in the late afternoon and I have trouble getting him to leave. Sometimes he falls asleep on the lounge and won't get up.

He tells me that he is better than ever and wants us to get closer, go to counselling together and work towards a reconciliation. He cries and asks for hugs and wants me to sit next to him. I am totally burnt out after the same stuff as everyone else here! I want to focus on my kids and my job and not have him always there - that's why we have separated!!

He thinks that he is trying to help me and I am being unreasonable, he says he loves me and it's not his fault he has these illnesses, what if he had cancer would I leave him then?? Every time I try to set days when he will see the kids he has a crying fit about how much he still loves me. It's exhausting and I'm sick of it but not sure how to best proceed.

Today I feel tired and overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities, and AH is annoying me with his whining and neediness. I'm going to tell him not to come over tonight. Hopefully that will give me a break.

desypete

i dont hold any truck with these new found illnesses titles that drs keep on finding out about to describe alcoholism, but this is just my opinion on it,

the easy way to describe alcoholism is the person is nothing more than a huge spoilt child in behaviors, like any kid they try to get there own way on anything and everything, they will beg,have tantrums, sulk, cry, you name it if they can get there own way they will do it
if only i could of gone along to a dr and had him diagnose me with some sort of personality disorder to maks my real problem, and its simply i never knew how to grow up and stand on my own 2 feet

i only know this now of course after years of aa meetings and people in aa being honest with me about how they are, also working with my sponsor on the steps etc,

your partner sounds just like i was many years ago, you will need to be firm and not give in just like you would have to do with a spoilt child
if you dont then he will just keep on doing it and never feel the need to ever try to change
good luck to you

amy55

Hi here, and welcome to SR. I see you have some posts here, but I never welcomed you yet. So hi there.

I think I understand what you are going thru. I always thought my ex was undiagnosed BPD. It's hard, it really is to deal or try to deal with a personality disorder.

I just need to tell you that you aren't being unreasonable. It's sometimes like you have 3 children, but your really have 4, and the 4th is the worst.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

NWGRITS

Unfortunately, there's not much to be done about BPD. He could stop drinking, but it won't really change anything. BPD's generally don't respond to boundaries or ultimatums like other addicts do. Educating yourself about BPD would be beneficial, and then put up some tall fences where he's concerned. My mother is a BPD/NPD and an alcoholic. Wouldn't wish that childhood on my worst enemy. I would've been better off having no contact at all with her growing up. Instead, I spent pretty much every day with that poison.