smc92va

Well, after a very tough weekend that included heartbreak, overwhelming sadness and a lot of tears over the end of my relationship with my recovering addict that I reconnected and fell in love with after 17 yrs apart....I made it through Monday. Surprisingly I made it through a lot better than I expected😊. I made my first therapy appt to work on my co-depency issues and I'm getting ready to go to a Nar-Anon meeting. Originally I attended bc of wanting to support him in his recovery effort, but this evening I will be attending with the mindset of wanting to support myself. As I myself have been lucky enough to never be a prisoner of the disease of addiction, I'm still struggling with understanding what the first year of recovery is like so that I can understand why he ended things between us; especially being that I live in NC and he in Boston. I do know that these are answers I might not ever get and I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably never see or hear from him again in this lifetime. All I can do now is try my best to work on myself, enjoy my job, enjoy being a single mother and find peace and serenity inside myself. So I made it through Monday....this is truly one day, one hour one minute at a time. Thank you to all those who reached out and shared their experiences with me here. I will keep coming back here as it has helped me immensely. tyou

zoso77

Believe it or not, you're going to be OK. It may take a while. But you'll come to a place where you appreciate that the pain of not having him in your life is preferable to dealing with his addictions while he's in your life. Trust me on this...

smc92va

What's weird Zoso77- is how ok I actually am doing. Last year this time I would not have been able to handle this and would have wallowed and sunk into a deep depression. I'm not sure what inside of me has changed but I'm so relieved it has. I think 5 months of Nar-Anon has helped, I think it was the fact that the recovering addict in this case was honest throughout and demonstrated self-care which I'm now also starting to implement. I dunno....I expected to be far more upset than I am right now. It's kinda freaking me out a little....

TimeHeals831

I'm so proud of you! I know we have talked a little bit on here and I just want you to know I'm happy for you that right now in this moment you are okay. This is all something I should really be doing for myself (getting back into therapy and get to a naranon meeting) but a lot of the time I notice that I don't even have the energy to want to even talk to anyone. Or sometimes I'll be feeling sad and think "hmmm well maybe I can post something on SR" and I'll go to start a post and then not even want to bother anymore -___- well enough about me, happy for you & keep it up!

smc92va

Knowing that I had to get back in the routine of work and truly be present helped(I was so emotionally distraught on Friday, I had to leave work issues. Luckily everyone there thought it was bc of chronic pain issues I'm having with my neck and shoulder) - I had to be on my "A" game so to speak today and we were busy so I had little down time to dwell in my head which was such a blessing. It helped starting the day that way and keeping that tone going. Weekends when I have down time will be far harder. I try to make myself fill any empty space and time right now outside of work at an Al-Anon or Nar- Anon meeting or with my daughter. I force myself to put on a good face so to speak around her bc I would feel terrible if my choices affected her negatively. But today was just one day....hopefully I can continue in this direction. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad:-( I understand. Try just doing one small thing each day, eventually you will build up to 2 small things. Being locked in your head and heart is something I know all too well. I wish you the best and sending good vibes your way TimeHeals😊

chicory

You are doing a lot of good things for yourself, smc, and that is key. It looks like good times ahead for you and your daughter.
you can always come here and talk when it gets a bit rocky...even a little time spent with others who understand can make all the difference in your day.

good going.

zoso77

Nar Anon/Al Anon definitely helps in that you don't personalize what your qualifier has done. What they do or don't do isn't about us; it's about them.

When things ended with my AXGF, in hindsight, I got back on the horse very quickly. So good for you. Just keep pushing forward every day.

hopeful4

Good for you! It sounds like you are taking really positive steps FOR YOURSELF! That's where the healing comes in.

XXX