closetcodie

I just spoke with AHs PO and he has a hearing in the morning. PO tells me that he may be released as early as tomorrow! I don't know how to feel about this. With the two calls he has made to me and the things he has said, he has obviously not learned anything from the ordeal. I really don't want the craziness to resume!

lillamy

What can you do to protect yourself?

hopeful4

Agree, what can you do for you?? I think it is very important during this time to keep the focus on YOU, and how to stay safe from all of this. Just because he is being released does not mean he has to reside with you.

Hugs.

AnvilheadII

then tell him calmly you don't want him back in the home. he can go back to his dad's.

maybe it's time to be done with all HIS BS?????? we have partners to help shoulder our burdens, not ADD to them....to make life just a little easier for each other....not harder and harder and crazier and crazier. now is the time to consider this man is not GOOD for you....and that you and the children need some protection against his antics.

closetcodie

He definitely is not coming back here. My concern is our kids. He was watching them prior to being arrested this time. I am not comfortable with him doing so now, especially with all of the threats and knowing he is back to binge drinking every day.

lillamy

You need someone to watch them while you work? If you are in effect a single mom, you should qualify for subsidized daycare. You're absolutely right -- he should not be responsible for children if he is fresh out of jail and not interested in recovery.

closetcodie

I have found a great daycare for the kids. My worry is that he is legally going to go after joint time with our boys. When our divorce started he did and the judge told me that he would not stop him from parenting time because alcohol use is not a reason to not be alone with his kids. I asked for supervised visitation and it was a huge fight. I am preparing for it again.

dandylion

closercodie....are you documenting every bit of evidence that his alcoholism is more than "just use"?

I know that there have been many others on this forum who have been in your particular situation.....perhaps they will come forward with more specifics than I can.

I wish I could be of more help. How well do you know the laws in your jurisdiction?

Could you go for supervised visitation?

Good luck to you in the "fight"....

dandylion

closetcodie

I don't know what else to document. The last time we went to court he had 9 yrs of prison under his belt, all was served due to alcohol offenses. He has lost his license for life because of 6 OWIs. He has been arrested twice since we met, once for PI and trying to break into my work and once for residential entry (while drunk.) Now he was just put back in for drinking while on probation with a BAC of .16..... The court should be able to see that he has a lifetime of bad choices and alcoholism with court docs to prove it.

dandylion

WOW...closetcodie....that is incredible. I am seldom at a loss for words, but my mouth is hangin open on this.

After reading some of the stories on this forum....I now recognize that many courts are blind as to the effects of alcoholism o n the children. I think that maybe some o f the judges actually identify with the alcoholic.

Maybe supervised visitation is the best bet? I know that often, after the alcoholic husband actually gets visitation.....many of them don't even exercise their options because kids are pesky and cut into their drinking time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

closetcodie

I asked for supervised visitation last time and the judge denied it. He said that professionally supervised visits were an undue financial hardship for AH, me nor my family could supervise because we would be an unnecessary stress on AH and would be unbiased about observations, and that his parents (dad is a molester and mom is a head case who let her own kids be molested by their dad) could supervise even though they had never met our sons. I fought and he was so drunk all of the time that it was just drug on and on. They rescheduled 2 or 3 times because he was too drunk to come to court.

The sad thing is that when he is sober, he is a good dad. I have no worries about the kids safety with him when he is in a period of sobriety. When he is in a spiral though, he doesn't care about anyone and he is dangerous. He will be getting out and going straight back to his dads house, so I have no hopes of this sobering him up.

I am debating going to the hearing in the morning, so that if nothing else, I know what is going on and whether to be extra cautious in case he gets drunk and shows up.

torquemax777

It almost sounds like the judge is either an alcoholic himself, or is somehow a "friend of the family" so to speak. Anyway, the thought crossed my mind that maybe you can request that your case be heard by a different judge, and if you have a bunch of records, dates, etc of incidents or legal paper work; I know I wouldn't have that sort of documentation, but you seem to have it more together than I. I don't know, just some ideas.