kenar

This weekend after another accident less than two months out of rehab I left my partner of 4.5 years at en ER and changed the locks. I am in deep pain. I know I've been a part of the problem and I even know that I finally did the right thing. But I'm worried about everything -- if he's sleeping in the car, if he's the victim of crime, if he's getting his medication, if he's going to work (yes, he holds down a job, although never holds down the money). I don't know if I could have done it -- I was ready to write ANOTHER check for rehab and a lifelong friend who came to get him out of the house and into the car, told me she refused to let me spend any more money on rehab -- it wasn't taking, people were solving he had to do it. I know she's right. I started going to Alanon when the first rehab started at the end of May, but I'm so scared, anxious. I've gotten the expected texts -- helpless, angry, nostalgic, etc. I intend to stay strong, but staying strong is taking all my strength. Thank you for letting me share.

hopeful4

Hello. I wish you a very warm welcome. I am so sorry to hear your struggle, but it is one many of us are familiar with. If a person does not want rehab and are not willing to work for it, it is usually not very successful. They have to want, deep down, to stop drinking, and be willing to fight that urge for the rest of their lives. It's a big commitment.

You may do better to go "no contact" with him for a while. I know about those expected texts, and they are hard to deal with. Just a thought.

I am very glad you are here. Stick around, SR has great support!

dandylion

Kenar...WELCOME! I am glad that you came here and I think starting alanon is a great move.

I hear that you have invested a lot of yourself into this relationship and that you are hurting. I can see that you are worried and caring about and for him.
I wonder who is there to care for and worry about you?

Please hang around...you will find a lot of knowledge and support here....

dandylion

lillamy

Hi and welcome... it's a tough road. I'm glad you found Al-Anon (and SR!) because being around people who get it is such a relief. I really felt like the folks in my Al-Anon group gave me a shower of clarity every time I went to a meeting (and cried, and cried, and cried).

So you know you can't cure his disease. You can't control it. You didn't cause it. You know that. And yet, you can't help but worry.

What are you doing for yourself?

kenar

The good news for today is my former partner checked himself into sober living today. That's good news. For today. Yesterday, I went stag to our final couple's counselling session and was asked by our therapist about myself, I said, I'm strong, I made a life for myself, like everyone else, I overcame the obstacles of my family, my past, my weakness. And he asked me what I think I saw in my former partner. "I saw the me I couldn't save from my past, " I said without thinking and just started sobbing. It was a very good and very sudden epiphany. In the end we all can only save ourselves. Later I went to Al-anon and was asked to read the "What is an alcoholic" portion of the meeting and then I talked about my "pressing problem" having never spoken in the group before except to introduce myself. I'm hopeful for my partner, that he will solve his problems on his own. I'm hopeful, certain, for me. It is a lesson learned.